Judge — January 7, 1882 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

4 Our Original Norristown Budget. Cruelly Deceived. LEARNED JUDG I have been cruelly deceived. ago I read the following par columns, viz Some weeks agraph in your to sensible, instructive, and » to any public library and ask for Hed for the lerst.” “It you wa elevating the on Since then T have seen the p: tensively copied by the press, and concluded that it must embody a great truth. Desiring to read such a book, I acted upon your ad- I went to our public library the other sked for ‘the book called for the The librarian, afer ble , handed me a volume printed in entitled. But you couldn't print its title if 1 were to spell it, without ruining your types; nd [couldn't spell it without fracturing my jaws. The title was about six inches in len treblejointed, and the book was printe: some diabolical language that made my head swim to look at. Of course Lam not prepared to say that the book was not the most sensible raph ex- viee. and consider and instructive and clevating in the library, | but life is too short to learn a new, hump- backed language for the express purpose ¢ reading such awork. Returning the old fraud to the librarian, I selected Zola’s last novel and lett. Yours, ete. SMITH, JR. Wuen Mrs. McFinnegan read in a daily paper that ‘a New York man is trying to establish a school in which boys and girls are to be instructed how to choose their mates,” she laid down the journal with a puzzled ex- pression, and audibly remarked: “Chose their mates, is it? Shure an’ the boy or gurril that deesn't know mate without goin’ to school to learn, de- sarves to have never a bit of anything to ate but dry bread ! how to choose Wuen Dr. Kureall received the following “testimonial” of his patent medicine, he considered it a rather dubious recommenda- tion, and at first concluded not to publish it: “Dear Sir—My wife has not been able to at- tend chureh for six month: turday last she took two of your pills, and the next day found her in her pew. She wore the new sealskin sacque I gave her the day before for a Christmas present.” Fourteen bo: of pills and a dozen bottles of the ‘Elixir of Life” would prove less efficacious than a new sealskin sacque in inducing a woman to go to chureh, Tue oldest Chinese tales were pig-tails— called queues,” for short—and were always “continued in our next.” “What does fond memory recall?” asks a poet. It recalls various things, It brings back the days of our youth, with its stone- bruises and hickory cord wood to cut afer school hours, and the masterly retreats from Farmer Brown's orchard and cross dog. It recalls the day when we threw a ball through a pane of glass in the school-house window, THE JUDGE. and the “master” placed us across his knee ina fatherly way and warmed us with a box- wood ruler, It recalls divers other incidents, but none so vividly as this, ‘The master wa rman, and appeared determined to get 140 degrees in the shade out of the rule We have a vague impression at this late ¢ that he succeeded, a museul We learn something new every day ure now told that the word “bosh” or in this manner : Bois-e-Due, or, as the Dutch led it, “ Hertogen-bosch,” or “ Bosch” in and, is eclel in all Europe, which is largely import- buttermen, the term “Bosch butter” degrees to be ap- plied to artificial butter, and even to rubbish of other kinds, Many persons in this country supposed the term originated from an ex mation made by a Yankee who was readit an article on Americen affairs ina London newspaper. | 11 | butte fed London and came by y hus- ny A. Kestucky widow matric band, and the next day refi thing more to do with him bee ally shot her son, Some No. 2 wives are too sen- Now, if the mother had been shot and killed by her husband, instead of her son, her | resolution 1 g more todo with him would not have surprised us. “i to have use he fi | sitive. 9 have not ‘Tur Juvce recently observed that “it is a terrible thing to be a millionaire.” Mr. Cyrus W, Field, taking alarm at this truthful declaration, has adopted effective measures to avert the inisery and sorrow that too much affluence entails. daily paper. Dip it ever strike the casual reader that the amount of money spent annually in this country for intoxicating liquors would enable a poor man to employ a plumber seven days a week for amonth, take his familyto hear Patti sing, and buy four more dogs? We don't sup- pose it ever did. A PENNSYLVANIA editor prints an orig: inal pocm on every anniversary of his son's birth, his heir being the subject of the rhyme His readers are now praying that his next child may be born on the 29th of February, and that his first may soon be converted into an angel. Wuev all the arrang prize fight between two noted bruisers, and the “batule” is declared off at the eleventh hour, on account of some flaw in the articles of agreement, the disappointment felt by re- spectable people is about as keen as when the fight takes place and one of the principals is pounded to death. Kixe Louis, of Bavaria, has become so addicted to curious habits of seclusion that he is a puzzle to his subjects. But why his seclusion should be an enigma to his subjects is hard to understand. ‘The king is some- thing of a rhymster, and no doubt he is now engaged in writing a poem on the New Year. If he is a far-seeing man he will be | more secluded after it is published. ated for making the worst | He has purchased another | ements are made for a | Ir is said that “two summer marria; in divorce to one winter marriage.” girls will s summer marria; shows a disposit day perhaps better that the knot had been tied three or four times during the hot months. Hence, the advantage of avoiding two —though if the husband n to spend several hours per nd all his money at a beer saloon, it were HEALTH HINTS, IN a recent number of a sanitary journal we read en rules for the preservation of health, ‘They are so valuable, and withal so simple, that they deserve a more extended ion thar it is possible for the sanitary journal to give them. In appending the dozen hints beneath from memory, but a cireu we quote they do not dif n the original 1, Never cat what you can't get. It is very indigestible, and produces nervous dis- Don't sleep on the edge of the roof of a five-story building without spiking yourself | down, “A fall to the sidewalk from such a height might cripple a person for hfe, if nota | few years longer. | 3 Immediately after cach regular me refrain from eat quart of sauer ki pound of Limber and an ostrich’s i two dozen raw oysters, it, a mince pie, and half cheese, A man’s stoma ch are not built on the same model. 4. Don’t fondle a mad dog. ‘The dog might | object. it is also di oneself with a rattle 5. To drink three bottles of wine, costing | three dollars per bottle, at one meal, is very unhealthy—for the pocket-book—and should be avoided, 6, A man should have not less than six hours of refreshing sleep nightly. If he gets no sleep one night, he should make up the loss on the following night. In sleep six nights in succession, he must insist | upon sleeping thirty-six hours on the seventh night. 7. Don't sit upon a red-hot stove unless you are ironplated. The odor from scorched cal nd so forth, is very obnoxious to | some persons, 8. Don't go to bed with cold feet. n't infuse a proper degree of warmth into them before retiring, set them behind the kitchen stove, and go to bed without them, 9. Avoid violent exercise. Let your wife split the kindlings; and don’t hold a five-hun- dred-pound dumb-bell out at arm's length in | order to strengthen the muscles, 10. Before cating oysters remove their lls. This rule holds good in regard to clams. And the backbone of a shad should never be swallowed. 11. Never take a nap on a railroad track, and avoid taking passage on a vessel that is destined to be wrecked on her next voyage. Such rashness interferes with the attainment strous to health to bite nake, ase he should lose imeres, If you of a ripe old age. 12. Under no circumstances take lodgings in a New York tenement house. It is not conducive to longevity. | By faithfully observing the foregoing rules | able lives may be prolonged. w. comicbooks.com