Judge — December 31, 1881 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE DocTO One Night With a Crank. Wuey Lorenzo Piummer came into my room soon after midnight, and offered to share my bed with me till morning, I stained my pillow with hot tears. I knew from past ¢: that he would harrow me up to my nev his jagged toe-nails, for the moment he a clean sheet, in his happine like a scalded crab, I furtively w undress through half closed lids. tion was marvelously simple. Biting hi tary suspender in twain, a of his garments took pl: red flannel shirt he stood rv saddened when I sa ed newspapers which served hi socks. Dreamily walking to th abstracted one of my night-shirts, and poking himself through its aperture, he looke the glistening garment fit for the skic walked to the looking-glass, and viewing him- self, stood transfixed for a moment, then utter- ing a wild yell, flung out his left leg and kicked over the water-piteher. with trikes he writhes ehed him The ope nd in a drops ied. My heart «him unroll the illus Tarose from bed, and laying my hand on his shoulde be calm, and let us both pray | fingered dawn will soon appear in With a sigh he threw himself crossways on the bed that I had left, and, flinging the pil- low toward me, moar “Take it, Alphonse, i RS REPORT. | I took it grate corner of the room, I sank into slambe a New A fir pistol shots aft 1 was running for a car, when I awoke with a start what did I see? png my nextinstant he had p and nestled down ina | and wa reman | just drea th: Heavens! Lorenzo out of bed and s 2 up and reach his an to the floor with a ock that n » the house quiver through and through. I seized the basin with one hand to catch the blood, and the bed-sheet with the other, to stanch its flow. Raising him gently, I saw that he still breathed, and, wonderful —-no blood, no injury. ‘Then Teme! that only the day before 1 had opened a bushelful « landlady, in part liqui¢ and that I had used the r here ard bill, roly. and looked ad countermanded the , and swindled the mourn- ersout of their drinks on the way home from | the cemetery. me re- You'll take charge of my body, old boy,” “T'ildo nothing of the kind,” I answered, | *Tain't a morgue, open for th ti self upon m “ Then farewell !" he m “ Farewell, and don’t drink any more.” of every corpse that choses to impose it now.” T fell asleep n, and this time I was for my | je awakened by a pi eyes Lorenzo was sinkin; rner with his hands pressed ag: |. while he was forcing a death-rattle in his throat. My revolver lay on the floor near him, I had charged it only with blank cartridges, for I was to perform in private theatricals the next evening, where my business was to slaughter in their tracks every one who came between me and the daughter of a brewer of unadul- terated beer, whom I loved. I covered Lo- renzo with a sheet, and left him todie in peace, whilst I resumed my slumbers. T must have been quiescent in sleep fully an hour, when I was again awakened by a noise that sounded as if some one was trying to kick in the do T gazed wildly around until my eyes rested upon Lorenzo hanging by his solitary suspender from the top of the closet door, and kicking as if'a million of fleas were draining his life blood. I seized the razor to. cut the suspender, and—paused and wondered if it wouldn't be money in my pocket to let him hang the 1 stole out and drank beer forthe rest of the night. While I was ly debating the issue, the suspender and Lorenzo landed on his fe lly my bosom. e here, x0,” 1 excla it with the intent dead house that you you think I keep und camp-stools, and ways on hand for th ed friends? Or m: to embalm you and eum? “But ain't got no he sobbed. “So much the better for the father,” I re- plied; ‘Ae won't have to pay for advertising your demise; 1 kiss the corpse on the brow, and then sink over- come on the sofa, and calculate how much it will take to plant you; ke won't have to go to the expense of putting a black band around his hat, and fire in hot Tom and Jerrys to quench his grief. ‘That's just the position you want to place me in, but I won't have it, if I have to call up the bulldlog. If you want to. die so bad Tl lend you jooth-brush, and you ean go to the stone-yard around the cor. st swallow that and the trick is done.” ‘on have no pity,” he moaned. “1 have ten cents,” I proudly answered, “and Til lend it to you if you'll only steal rd.” As L opened my Slow , a feeling of indigna- imed, ‘* was n of making my room a to-night? Do Kers, and he: and «flowers al- accommodation of de- be you think I'd like he asked, hesi % “Oh, almost anywhei He left with my night-shirt still clinging to his emaciated form. ‘A PHILANTHROPIC gentleman, riding on the front platform of a street car, one bitter cold t, observed a thinly-clad young man who s evidently suffering. Moved by comp: sion he addressed him, offering him some as- ince. To his great astonishment he re- sived this response: “No, thank y-you, 1 all r-right; I'm o-oncof t-those h comicbooks.com