Judge — December 31, 1881 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Our Original Norristown Budget. Books in Press. “Next Week With Politicians, ion to “Yesterday With Authors.” “The Watery Mountain,” hy the “A Bloody Chasm. “Omnibus Brown, Rogers.” he Sinking Duke,” “The Floating Prince.” Two-handed Haters, al Law rhe K panion to‘ tains.” “An Apple from a Thistle,” by the author \ Grape from a ‘Thor he Meteor of a Year,” a companion to The Comet of Season.” “ About Men,” in sevea large volumes, by the author of “Common About Women,” in one small volume. “An Altered Liver,” a sequel to Changed Heart A Ghost in the Garr **A Skeleton in the Hou “That Homely Saint,” utiful Wretch.”” a compan: author of Phaeton a sequel to by the author of a sequel ie Blue Heart of the Valle: Th White Moun- of n3eas¢ Sense “A by the author of sequel to That Be A News item informs us that at a be drinking match between two Scheutzenfesters, the other day, one drank seventy-two glasses of the amber liquid in an hour, and “the other got outside of onl: Only sixty-three feel very well, or pert nbibed a couple of quarts of cider before be- ginning the match. A man can’t drink much beer if he fills up first with cider or ale, we've been told. Anyhow, this match will shake the theory, if not entirely explode it, that ( mans are great beer drinkers. CZAR ALEXANDER TIL. discovered amon; father’s funeral expenses the bills dred and eighty bottles of champagne ¢ sumed during the lying in state of the late Em- peror, Some mourners require a great quantity of the “ardent” in which to drown their se row. It would have been cheaper for A ander three-times to have in the func procession into a beer saloon on the way from the cemetery, and set ‘em up at his own ex- pense. y sixty-three glasses.” Evidently he didn't ps he inadvertently ses! AN enterprising daily, on December 24, made the important announcement that “If St. Francis Xavier had lived until to« would have been is a blessing that he did not live now not only be a burden to his ehillern, but to himself also; and the probabilities are that he would have been sent to the “Old Men's Home” more than three years ag Perhaps it He would Some one suggests that the “ Agricultural Report for 1880” be dramatized and put on the stage. It might be an improvement on many of the plays promuced during the past year or two, but it is hoped the suggestion will not be carried out. There are already too many wild and exciting sensational dramas THE JUDGE. on the stage, inculeating a pernicons lesson into the minds of our youth, and theatrical companies to jump board bill walk from one town to another, Better the Agricultural Reports for two cents pound, as usual. ausing, A Nontiierser traveling in the South write: “The chivalry of this part of the late Conte: eracy have lost much of their pomp,” ete, We should say so. When Lincoln issued his eman- cipation proclamation the chivalry lost all their Pommp—and Dinah, too. New York tenement houses should be obats—they are such good And, by the way, if the strect loungers, who prop up lamp posts and awnin are in no danger of falling, were to transfer their gratuitous propping to tenement houses, which are liable to fall at any moment, their serviees would be more highly appreciated. Hed tumblers, posts, which “THERE are no dime novels in Chit Hence the pig-tailed youth of that far-off land is never seized with an insane and irresistible desire to go West and kill enough Indians for a mess. Dr. BeLLows say universal literatur coming ha: : “The newspaper—the of our people—is itselt be- | a library of knowledge and art.” It Iready become such, If the doctor wil study the advertising colunins of our daily pers he will be impelled to admit that nowhere ele outside of a medical university can so ge of acertain kind be found; t, let him gaze upon the chromo much knowles nd as for | with th of the man clad all over in one spot in a com able liver pad, and St. George harpooning | the Stomach Bitters dragon, and St. Some- body-else with a bottle of poison in one hand, hesitating whether it were better to quaif or hot to quatf, and the m: ing some- | thing from an odd-looking meerschaum and | discharging smoke from his nostrils, and por traits of Lydia Pinkham, besides se other instructive and paraiyzing pictur when it cemes to “knowledge and art,” Bellows—especially art—the altitude of the | newspaper is very altitudinous, A FINANCIAL paper tells its readers “how to find six percent.” But six per cent. is not enough. What we would prefer to know is how to find about six thousand dollars in a lump. A Mas, found weeping at a street corner in Newark, N. J., the other day, was asked by a kindJooking individual if he had lost forty thousand dollars by Cashier Baldwin's defal- cation, ‘N-no,” he drawing his pocket-handkerchief across his eyes, “I've | only been reading a London comic weekly, and it’s so touching!” sobbed, cial Circle” is the name of a socicty just organized in Powelton, Its object is to “bring young people of both sexes together in the long winter evenings, ete, The most enjoyable part of the evening's en- | tertainment consists in the young men escort- ing the girls home, drawing up to the “fir | ing in the navy.” | duplicity hh the fer side,” and then “ circle” inine waists jal” mam of the “ Fi arm, in a very “soe and so forth, ‘The exercis Social Circle” are more instructive, elevating, and soul-satisfying than the mectings of the Concord School of Philosophy. side Iv is said that Harper's Magazine has enough accepted contributions on hand to last two Then it is hardly worth while for us to submit our article on “The Pr ssive Progression.” Not this year. years. siveness of Pro; AN Indiana clergyman refused to wed a young lady to whom he was engaged when he her hair, ‘This lies who are in search of husbands of the ininisterial brand to buy their hair already crimped. discovered that she crimp should teach young | Victoria pays her ter of the Horse” $12, any biting and kicking horses to the salary is not any too much; zh, if ske wishes to economize, we guar- antee that she can hire a Yankee to do the work for one thousand dollars a year, his board and washing included. rvant styled the 500 ayear. If has ma Wuesan “old and experienced” newspape man resumes the editorial chair, after a re- spite of twenty years, his work may be detected if by magic, He commences at the pl he left off, nearly a quarter of a century be- fore, and the involuntarily glances at the date of the paper to assure himself that-he has not got hold of a sheet printed half a gen- ion ago. The “old and experienced newspaper man has not kept wp with the spirit of the times, and his writings—parti ularly his witticisms—exude the flavor of antiquity. sade “SpcreTary HUNT wantsto prohibit swear- The se able desire implies that the n present addicted to this Per the nay in the 1 ary’s comme! yi icc. Htdoesn't seem credible. they would stop “swearing ” menin , there would be fewer men avy. swearin Berore Con Jjourns, it should en: law making ‘gal to kill the editor who spells Christmas ‘ Xma: But instead of adopting such a wise piece of legislation, the are that the members will fool away their time and the people's money by appr ing $150,000 to improve Mud Creek at Jonesburg. A youve lady in this town is trying to per- yade her father to substitute wood for coal for heating purposes, and to burn only maple wood, ‘because it is so much healthier,” she explains. The fact is, the daughter read ina scientific journal that when maple wood is burning it snaps and splutters dreadfully, and she thinks that with such fuel the old folks in the next room couldn't hear the kissing and so forth being consummated when Charley calls around in the evening to see her, It is too true; the young girl of the period is as full of her clothes are of pins, comicbooks.com