Judge — December 24, 1881 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. THEATRICAL BRIEFS. May it Please Your Honor: In compliance with recent Your Honorable Court, the undersigned, on Monday evening last, subjected tl entitled Lights 0° London, the Union Square Theater, to a close and risid supple. meatary examination. The room, or theater, densely crowded. and the f Walter L. Palmer, clerk of the conrt, must have amounted to a sum exceeding $1,500. I sat through the entire pe formance, and desire, a8 a result, to make the follow- ing report: 1. Lights o' London is an essentially English melo- drama, of which the characters. “points,” jokes, situa- tions and incidents are as remote from the appreciation of New York as they are from that of Timbuctoo. 2. The play is very inartistically constructed, being fall of personages who have no coherent relation to th story, who disappear without reason, and who do very little of interest when they are on the stage. 3. The hero and heorine are insutle attract no sympathy whatever, there be as ‘an educated, stalwart gentleman like Harold Aniaytage should descend to the level of a com- mon, not to say, dirty tramp. 4. Miss Sara Jewett and Mr. Charles Thorne, out of jety " clothes, look anything but nice, the fort acutely resembling a consumptive cook, and the latter za dissolute hanger-on of th Third Avenue car stables. 5. The play ends in the most fizzling and impotent manner, there being no actual assurance that Harold Armytage will be pardoned; that his cousin, Clifford, will be panished, that Seth Preene will tloally recov his danghter, and that the law of compensation will be satisfactorily fulfilled. 6. Take it all in all, the piay is acted by most mem- bers of the , as if they were heartily ashamed of bavi ar in it. Per Contra, U have to report the following: 1. The scenery is simply superb, no such stage pic tures as tbe Chatham Road by moonlight in midwinter, and the Steps of Regent's Park i been seen in New York in any previous dramatic production. 2. The audience seem to like the piece, and applaud ‘equally what they don’t understand and what they do. ‘Comparing these conditions, therefore, I find myself | compelled to report to Your Honorable Court that, in all probability, the Faid play. piece, or melodrama en- titled Lights o° London as aforesaid, will ran for at | east one hundred consecutive nights. | piece, play, or melodrai now being performed at collected by on reason why er tructions issued by | In discharge of my second reference of the present week —an inquiry into the alleged false pretenses under which William J. Florence, comedian, so-called, and Annie. bis wife, are obtaining money at Booth’s Thea- ter—I desire to submit the followi The said William J. Florence, and Ann! are accused, under oath, by John Doe, Richant Roe, and other intelligent persons, of exposing and divers shop windows portraits, made by what is called the chromo-lithographie process, of a remarka- bly handsome young man of the age of eighteen, or thereabouts, and of a surpassingly beautifal young oman of the age of sixteen, or thereabovts, Over the heads of such portra ae words, *Booth's Theater”; under them the w and respectiv William J, Flore Florence,” the design being to in holders that the bi 1 the teauti- fal young woman aforesaid are, at ths — esent, p'ay- ing or performing at Booth's Theater aforesaid, in and by the names of William J. Florence and Annie Flor- ence; whereas, in fact, # actually at this present performing in Booth’s Theater afor middle age, well stricken in years—all of w with the express purpose and intention to allure ignor- nt_and pecting persons to purchase tickets of mission tothe said theater and the performances as aforesaid, of the said William J. Florence and Ann his wife On Wednestay last past, the undersigned did personal- ly attend such a performance at the said theater by the {William J, Florence and Annie, his wit to herein submit bis report upon the sam 1. The said Florence is stout and shor fat and dumpy, with a wa wrinkled forehead, and a bald carriage, and the fact that he was a popular comediai thirty or forty years ago, all lend support to the hy- pothesis that the sakl Flore over fifty | years of age, and therefore olwwiously nof the handsome | young man of e a, represented in the chromo litho- hic portraits as hereinbefore 2. The sabl A a beautiful child's complexion, 8 are printed ls severally * and « 4 upon all be- dsome m the pe aid, are of ch is done \d desires: . not to say is a person o escribed. is wife, is tall and slen , with a lithe, girlish figure, a hair, infantile blu a fresh and ring- n's voice. She dresses marvelous sim- plicity, bebaves with childish abandon, and gives every sign of extreme youth, Iam inclined to estimate her age at about ten or twelve years, on which account 1 unhesitatingly pronounce her much too immature to be ctical with the beautiful young won mo-lithographic portrait aforesaid. Wherefore, on the xround that the said William J. Florence is much too old, and the said Annie, his wife is much too young to be the originals of aaid portrait and whereas large numbers of ignorant and unsus- pecting persons pay suma of money in the hope and with the desire of secing the said originals of said por- traits in the said William J. Florence and Annie, bis wife, I have to recommend that the said William J. Florence and the sald Annie, his wife, shall be cau, tioned to withdraw said illusory portraits from the pub- lic view under penalty of fle and imprisonment, ac- cording to the statate in such case made and provided. Alll of which is respectfully submitted Tne Rerenee. ing maids wit! id of the chro- SMELLIN place where whisk, ilors trying to discover a | you! ‘Skork ?° Give you a piece of my mind.” onsense, I want something that will last | over night.’ | “Well, then, take my opinion of you.” “Goixe to make many calls New Years, Jim?” le! I was born with a caul. | “Yes, but you should let it be known | whether you are thereby a predestined for- | | consequence. tune teller or an educated bank teller. “Till sce my first-best girl and tell her.” AT A CINCINNATI RECEPTION. Gazing at him with pazzled air. Noting her wonder, he began AD lef discourse on pottery She hid her face behind her fan, Looking as bored as she could be. Yet hopefully he chatted on, His language tilled with wit a But when he saw her slowly yawr He left, with anguish on his face. And Boston-reared, he could not tell, Until, alas! it was too late, Why she, a Cincinnati belle, Nlis talk could not appreciate For, later H+ heard some one make a remark, At which her face with rapture sl aa something relative to pork! MALCOLM DOGLAS, passing by alone, one Grow is very dear in New York. lack’s new theater is very s Wal- all, probably in How many square inches is to be given to each patron? Is it being built to secure the greatest possible money to. the square inch for the management, or the great- est amount of safety for the public? Some recent exhumations in pt have brought to light the supposed statue of Poti- phar’s wife, and competent judges say that if the thing of marble was true to life, Joseph was justified in having his coat torn, Say the worst they can of him, Henry Bergh has proven himself a true humanitarian and a friend of creatures in need of a friend. Would that we could say as much for the chiefs of other socalled reform societies who as- sume (in print) to care for a higher grade of animals, Jack and Gill went down the hill, Upon a bran new-sleigh, They struck a snag, and went over a crag, ‘Their remains were carried home on a tray. WHIFFS WITH CORRESPONDENTS, SAMUEL I, B.—Your poem ts waiting for you at this omee. HL. M. H.—We pay for articles, ofcourse we do, when we get the worth of our money. “ Sexpay Eye."—We % ren't the time, yer know, The copy fend ursues Us seven days a week. A.H. R.—The sketch may be original with sou, but it con: tains nothing new to the general reader, GW. C—No, we have sible for you to surpass b onater of our own, andit Is impos- a tn this Hine of badness, FL Peneis.—Much obliged we start our" Liare’ C oUF good opinion, and when you shail have a show, Curis we BILLY B—You suggest that the way our poets pan oat, right. © Bon.""—Your joke has been bobbing around altogether too Jong, but you might find sale for it with some of our popular ed men.” 14 coming,” and by It suspect that you are “ Qe." No, Tue ICDGE will not pabiish a parody on Handred” bat perhaps ~ fooled with tn that way. Cuan.es P. G.—Your story 1s ndoubtedly written very badiy; and, as t 1s not at all suita- bie for our columns, we naturally decline tt. 'Y. W.—Sentiment all right, bat versifcation bad. ~ Blige" lumps badly when it attempts to rhyme with * child,” and “packer” hobbies slightly when you push tt up against ~ sup- per‘? and try to make it jiogle metodiousiy, “oud Thousand a Year” might be comicbooks.com