Judge — December 17, 1881 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. things change a bit. “ERRATICS.” Tue girl who jumped at the first offer was no Vassar-lating maiden. CaN the running up of a wi termed an “elevating” purguit ? y score be TuovuGH bread may continue tobe quoted as “the staff of life,” no one willdeny that sugar is its cane. Sarp a pretty widow: ‘ Yes, is a remark: handsome fellow, 4 my cap for him. It may fit his bald head.” Gexera. Wasittxctoy’s biographers would have us believe that he never “smiled,” yet deliberately contradict themselves when they tell of the many ‘tight " places he was in, Ir isn’t necessary to own a fast team when you want to drive a brisk trade, Ir is quite an art to cut your poor relations without drawing blood. WuHen it weighs the evidence, this Honor- able Court doesn’t, use the defaulting book- keeper's trial balance. Asova fortunate old Roman landlords we must always count ‘the envious Casca.” He made his rent. Heyry IV. of England must have failed in | the ten-pin business, Else why did they call | him ‘ Boling-broke.” ‘There is a man in Harlem town, Ah, he is wonderous wise—- He never borrows our small change, Yet pays for all he buys. ne timidly into our editorial den and began to twitter: ‘ Dear sir, I've had lots of trouble, and want to lay bare my heart.” We firmly bowed her out and fanned our modesty back to consciousness. Lazy idiots call tat zealous chap “brassy ” who mixes the zinc of confidence with the cop- per of energy. | Tue General Grant of good Queen Anne's reign was John Churchill, the redoubtable Duke of Marlborough. He took all he could get and got away with it as serenely as an oyster gourmand with a couple dozen of “ Blue INCREASED wages, now and then, Are relished by all working men ; But on a strike they're ever bent, If docked a paltry tive per cent. Of the inerease. It was a Newburyport typo, who first slung John Greenleaf Whittier into the ‘ Poct’s Corner.” He confessed long years after, on his death-bed, that he thought the rhymes were good enough to fill up with, And now perhaps the perturbed gizzard of this rash printer is the very opposite of “Snow Bound.” THINK less of self than sentiment, Ye writers humorous ! Beware of strain and tw: And critics numero dle, An Elevating Vocation. ‘ame in and looked fur-tively around. ‘The habit was second nature. It had been acquired in the sealskin trade. Presently he asked: “ Are you engaged, my dear sir?” “Haven't been for over twenty-two years. Got married in 1859." “Oh, I see.” “Thought you would.” “Let me explain,” he continued. “You are among the very few who sympathized with me in an earnest attempt to save some- thing from my recent financial collapse. I succeeded intmy efforts, and found that I could spare fifteen cents in the dollar for a compro- m It didn’t work. Some of my creditors stood out. So did the vessel in which I ab- ruptly embar! As you areaware I returned from Cuba three w ago, broken in fortune, but vulgarly robust in appetite. As most everybody's back was turned I had to face the music and do anything that I could get to do. I wanted to live down the past, and de- termined to follow an occupation which would raise me in public esteem, This morning I completed my business arrangements and have dropped in to tell you of my good luck.” “Well, what are your plans?” “Tve leased myself as day engineer of a patent hydraulic lift. That's the kind of an hoister I am!” ENRIQUE, Iv all probability Barren Island and Hunt- ers Point are happy at the approach of cold weather, knowing that they no longer stink in the public nostrils, and that nothing will be said about it for several months. Verily, there is delight in knowing that one can be a nuisance six months in the year without its being generally known and complained about, “THE seed of Abraham” is being bounced around right lively in Northern Europe of late, and the worst of it is, the thistledown is blowing this w comicbooks.com