Judge — November 12, 1881 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

12 Our Original Norristown Budget. A cosverten Indian chief gave his sixty- four pale-face scalps to his son, with the re- rk that it almost severed his hea’ to part with t ful mementoes of the happy days agone: but h apace—the sundown of his life at hand, and he would turn to the Bit that sweet peace that passeth all understand- ing—and, besides, the pale-face government foisted so many bald-headed Indian agents upon the dusky child of the forest th agusted with the whole scalping business. And yet some editors libel the noble red man by declaring that the only good Indian is a dead Indian! trings es was growing old he was Ciarts daughter of ebant, nd when he propounded the vital question he 1 to papa gold-spectacled man, and Charl would rather have faced a stuffed lion in its lair; but remembering the old a “Faint heart never won fair lady "—nor a homely onc either—he called at the storeto sce her father, And when he saw that gentleman his heart wealthy dry goods n as re pa was a stern, Augustus failed him, and he wasabout to ask for a spool xit, when the and made asking: of old gold colored cotton, and girl's father gavea significant e the lover's pericardium flop by “Well, Charles, what'll you have Here was a splendid opportunity to boldly say, “ Your daughter,” and have done with it, but the youth merely furtively around, “1—I don't see wh—what I want.” “ You don’t?” said the old gentleman. ew he add don't you see that?” toa placard on which was printe nt, ammered, while he glanced the legend, If you don't see what you W ask for it.” “But,” hesitated Charles Aug tus, “ I—don't think she is here—your daugh- ter Mamie, Tm A thunder cloud, fol lowed by a whirlwind, gathered on the old man’s brow, as he seized a yardstick grily exclaimed: “Why, you presumptuous wretch ! how dare you But Charles Augustus didn't the remainder of the thrilling lit out—went away from there— and an. r to hear He parted suc rative. = AvGustes fell in love with the | it THE JUDGE. | denly hence. And he feelingly says that it is | denly see what you want, ask for it,” posted in a store, and then when a young man asks for it tobe unceremoniously bounced, And we think 80, too. ‘Tne fashion of celebrating the birth of every child with a baw! is an old, old custom. The order of dan ds otf with the “racket” and concludes with a walk round. 3 on such occasions | A countRY editor asks: “Where are our Jfourfathers 7" We can't tell kim, They \'may be around the corner in a saloon sam- pling beer. Ifthey are lost, he had better let at least three of them remain in that con- | dition. One father is enough for any man. | | as amighty mean market-man who put | the label «Please taste on a lump of Lim- burger cheese, shaped like a pound of butter. Ninety-nine women lef the market, feeling terribly seasick, as it were, while the 100th 1 she'd take two pounds of that butter, as it | was just the thing for her boarders,” | spat several times and said she “guesse Axo find dire Tart.” heave regret, and tell your wife how beautiful and interest- ing Mrs, SoandSo is, and what a happy man her husband must be The “tart” will be a trifle crusty, aps, but it will be made. alist of “ Household Recipes," we for making a ‘Matrimony Another and a quicker way, is to ions igh laden with sorrow nother sigh. ‘A RECENT estimate as to the amount of gold produced since the discovery of America gives 100,000,000, When we look at our ook w Ip wond 999,999,990 is di eke other $ ing how the ributed. A RELIGIOUS weekly, in a long article en- titled “How Men F ude to stepping on the treacherous banana skin or taking a ‘header’ This omission is inexcusable. HI," doesn’t once from a bicycle. Queen Victoria, ian in pre conver; it is stated, speaks in Ital- snee to any other language when ing on books and paintings, while shi prefers German in reading, and Freneh in general conversation. But if an American was to ask her for the hand of her daughter, she would doubtless use “pretty plain English” —albeit it might be all Greek to the fright- ened suitor. | | “Aw Indianapoli be 104 years old, Wellington.” This is the first intima have had that old Well. grinder, but we learn somethin d We scissors grinder claims to nd says he served unde ic scissors was a new every ington hac work enough to employ many apprentices, for the practi iting paragraphs with a pair of shears was not yet in vogu lon't suppose Mr. We “Gop is good to the Irish.” And so is John Ball. A MAN who wiil read a tract on “ Domestic a mean swindle to have thesign ‘“ Ifyoudon't | Economy” to his wife and three daughters at the breakfast table, and then go down town nd spend fiNecn dollars for billiards, cigars, and drinks before noon, has the theory of conomy down toa pretty fine point, although it may not look that way. If he docsn't teach his wife and daughters economy, he must necessarily be more economic se ‘al him- A New Jersey man “ couldn't see any dan- ger in smoking while weighing powder.” He an't sce anything now. A Flex who figures like an adder estimates that not less than seven hundred of Tenny- son's Light Brigade,” which rode into the valley of death at Balaklava—the “ noble six hundred "—have died the past twenty yea glory fade?” indeed! wen of Lafayette’s original gold re now in the various pawn-shops in this puntry is not more remarkable. in this country during “When can their The act that seventy- watches Tur London Saturday Review says ther is one way by which even the stupidest of us make his utterances invariably interest- and often amusing by telling the truth. ‘The editor of the 1 studiously avoids adopting this method when discussing Americ ie. Rev THE EPIDEMIC OF CRIME. Crise is epidemic. From every part of the country come reports of the most distressing nator cely a day passes that we do not hear of some man who has broken an ap- pointment, of some son who has sassed his of husband w darn” to the wife whom he bad sworn at to love, cherish, and thin of som fiend in human shape who has reviled the hash at his boarding-house, or spoken disrespec fully of the butter. Daily, hourly, we learn of n who have borrowed quarter dollars; of shirt collars insufileiently starched; of people on the lower floors of houses turning off the water when people on the floor above wished to take a bath: of landlords who wanted their rent; of bar-keepers who would like to have that little account settled first;” and o us cases of persons who zactly right record ofequiv mother, one > has said m numer- not acted A hideous ‘ation, tergiversation, evasion, have pout something. and procrastination. Why crime should thus, at certain periods, become epidemic, and develop itself in an ab- J manner all over the country, is one of those mysteries whieh s norma ience has so unable to explain; but that. such periods, or cataclysms do oceur at regular inte mena whieh ev born fool, must ha at is the remedy? far been ves, or rtain Is is one of those moral pheno- thinking man, who is not a ve observed. Tammany and Irving Hall have buried the hatchet, but each has a shillalah up his coat- sleeve, ready for the love-feast after election. comicbooks.com