Judge — November 12, 1881 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

"OUR POPULAR FARCES, PARK COMMISSION REPORTED BY “ED.” ene. —Meeting of the Park Com- missioners. CHARACTER COMMISSIONER TeRNrike, Commissic SIONER OLIVETTE. (Farce sioners. RDINES, ER COMMISSIONER Mackat, Cosstis- arrival ¢ “ Goutafle opens upon Commis: Salutations, such as liar?” How “Signs of rain yet, clown ? noon, a perjurer How do you do, jackass 2” freely interchanged, Then fol lows a to who will occupy the Finally Commissioner Sardines. se- Being deaf in one ear and hardly able to hear out of the other, he eminently qualifi Commissioner melee as chair. cures it, is pre- | d for the position.) | will sardines.—We now | «d to business. (This is taken asa joke, and all the Com- | 1 missioners laugh heart e idea oJ Park Commissioners ever proceeding to bust: ness is catentated to make the most savage | ¢ smile, Park Commissioner Turnpike, how- for the fun of Ue: thing Park Commissioner Turnpike.—L move to appoint’ MeHugo cakebake ect and head landscape gardener, ata salary of five thousand dollars a year—if he can get it. Commissioner MacFat,—We for an architect and head land The post is now occupied very z Patrick 0" a week, eve arises.) have no use , and is expe a sprinkling cart Commissioner r hours out of the day. Sardines. —He sprinkling cart, Mr. M Commissioner MacFat. Commissioner drives Yes, back-bite In the pre mnot, in justice tothe | ting water for sprink- in the park. Driving that eart, st occupies about halfof Patri ardines. scarcity of Croton we people, have ling purpose arts W: um Commissioner MacFat,—Yes, nincompoop. {move that rt be sold, and that Patrick's xced one-half—that he only gets sa week, (A vote istaken, As usual the ballot stands tico toto, Five more ballots are taken ult, It is finally decided to place Commissioner Sardine’s resolution upon the table.) Commissioner Turnpike.—1 move to place twenty-eight electric lights in the Ramble at Central P: As the Ramble is the most un- frequented part of the park, and nobody ever goes the er twilight ly in winter, the necessity for having cleetric lights will easily be seen. same Comaisstoners, for a wonder, agr It is resolved to have the electric lights placed in the Ramble.) Commissioner Olivette.—I have here a let- ter from a party named Jones, who desires to place a free drinking fountain, to cost a thou- ent + ac THE JUDG napkins Square, Shall per Fat.—Who is Jone nmissioner Olivette,—Retired ship-bui mmmissioner Mac f Brooklyn, Commissioner MacFat,—1 decid w York is not favors from Brooklyn, W give his old fountain to park? fountas «lly oppose n ing ne Brooklyn » don't need a drink It would be s for drinking purpose who live Dut water nk nothin: for np about ‘Tompkins Square dr nid it would be equally us washing. purpo: ind kins Squa (Ma. doses nantly. for people never wash, application is dectined A reporter laughs.) indig- Commissioner: Turnpike.—T move to ex- clude the press from the room. Why? Be mmmissioner Sardines ause th nd make us ommissioner Turnpi make fun of our proceedin; ridiculous in the eyes of the pub Commissioner Sardines. make then public. Commissioner Turnpi Some people elves ridiculous in the eyes of the What people? ‘ome PCoy Commissioner Turnpike.—Do you mean to refer to me, Commissioner Sardines Commissioner Sardines.—Did 1 say so? 1 didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, but it 1 have said anything which you can miseon- strn n insult, Fam glad of it, Commissioner Turnpike. anybody else said that I would knock them down, Commissioner Sardines,—Vrobably you are perfectly familiar with knoe! Ww did you have to leave your first place for? —I will not ¢ r you of no more «down, Commissioner Turnpik to reply to you. T con mnt than a flea, Commissioner Do you look upon me Commissioner Turnpik Sardines. Who's 0 Commissioner Sardine ,if Tama Yes, sir, a roach! Wait till T get you outside. y don't | Commissioner Turnpi pooh to you | and bah to you! Do you suppose Tam afraid of a crack-brained old idiot i yah! —Gentlemen! gentle: Do n rd with personal altereations, you? q ommissioner Mac Fa please be quiet! disgrace the T have a | tion to of Commissioner Turnpike.—Offer aw! stopping of you? Conunissioner MacFat.—1 want to appoint Levi Cohen head-nurse to the bab the Central Park mer fity dollars ad Commissioner my vote. Comunissioner MacKat.—Why not? Beeause [want ns to the same place. Commissioner Olivette,—And 1 want to have Roseins Leverwurtz take Commissioner Sardines.—It is my place by Didn't you fellows fll up the thre ¢ Vm going leellar fill the place [Free sight immediately ensues, ( giralle at lary of Turnpike.—You won't get Commissioner Turnpike. to appoint Isaac See ira to have Tommy Cc mpli- epi, ‘woe ely Lane mentary epithets, such as: © enskull,” + 4 De yam,” many le Commissioner Turnpi Olivette (suddenly). —Now has ag —Four. hen [ve got it. What? ne Way out of our are four of Commissioner Olivette, Commissioner Turnpike. Commissioner Olivette. little ditticulty, four men we wish appointed four legs to the baby gira point a nurse t [Great applause. Let us ap- wh Tey Motion carried unani- mously, as is also a motion to adjourn, Park Commisstoxens edjourn with friendly ta, Au revot s Rea OT , sucker, gootbyes such as: Ta, mule see you ks [cuRTAIN.] Tur, letter-press of should be very flowery, 1 book on horticulture its leaves uncut.