Judge — November 5, 1881 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. 8 THE STORY OF A BLACK EYE.—Is Six Paxas. Young Flotsam, going home 10 his cov Tousen thetdark, Pune against afer, chromo uniler his right eye. doarding- gels a prize “ Waser kinder times night's yis ter come home? Aren't yer ‘shamed o! helf? Hic!” a man was overheard to mutter to himself, as he reeled along the street the other night to- wards his home. He had probably heard those questions before, and expected to hear them again soon. Tue small boy with a sled and old-fashioned skates watches another small boy waltzing around on a pair of roller skates, and derives his only satisfaction at this on of the year in making up snoots at him, and as we a cigar butt ter keep warm with while yer sce me scootin’ round here bimeby, when ole Ven- nor gets ahold of ther weather agin.” Next morning he meets a friend on the boat, Parexp: “ Kan against a tree, eh? Ha! ha! ha! A tree with fice limbs, eh? Ho! ho! hor" MEETS ANOTHER FRIEND ON RKUADWAY. “Ran against a tree? Sure the tree didn't run against { you? Some trers are mighty cici ree been at- | tacked by trees mysdlf. He! he! hi COLONEL ROCKWELL wants Congress to take out the inside of the White House to get rid of the vermin. Well, we have heard of a man who burned his barn to get rid of the rats. It is said that Mrs. Hayes caught a bedbug with the monogram ‘J. M., 1818,” cut in handsome letters on his back. The story may seem improbable, but Mrs. Hayes is a pious woman, and Professor Mahafly declares that when he visited Greece he had the honor of being bitten by the same bugs that practiced phlebotomy upon Pericles, and distinctly re- membered how thin and watery the blood of Plato was. “Wuy, grandmother, I don't drink any- thing to speak of —” “Well, Reuben, all I know is that no man ever had a red nose without coming honestly Heapor F.: “Ran against a tree? Humph!! take care of yo! Ful adout tre Wer, if—yorng men can't be too care: HE ARRIVES AT THE SioRr, Ran against a tree? Het he! hem One of them fighting oaks, h?” K—*t Say, vehich got the best of it? 2xp Chen —" ON i honest, eh? a Kinder ‘imumyighty, I suppose—anyreay, stick to it, stick to it.” A Turan nature can stand it no longer, and young Flotsam aaserts his manhor Exten Heap oF Frast.—"" Jt appears to me, gen. tlemen, that you must be all boarding ina forest Young F. is not quizzed any more about his black eye, Iris hoped that Hannibal Hamlin in no moment of forgetfulness will brandish his red bandana at his initial bull-fight in Madrid. ‘The consequences of suddenly leaving the fu- tility of a blue swallow-tail pinned on with brass buttons, in case of attack, might jar the old man into resigning his commission, Tue Irish servant girls are threatening to Boycott the Herald, and an old Dutch friend of ours says, “Boycott, they'll do it !” ALITTLE son of an evangelical clergyman ied that he could die and go to heaven.” “Why?” asks his grandmother, feeling that he is getting too good to live. ‘'Cause I want to get some of the pennics I've been giving to God.” TLorp Lorne says the Princess is delighted with Canada. Yes, we always thought so. Don't seem to want to leave it at all, dear, good girl! Tr is now fashionable for the female “star” of a traveling theatrical company to have her it inserted in the advertisement. The principal feature of such portraits is the ex- aggerated hat worn by the star. The feather which curmounts it shows histrionic talent of a very high degree; the wreath of flowers and ribbons evince clever elocutionary powers, while the poetical manner in which the hat is worn tip-tilted over the lef car leaves no room to doubt the actress’ ability to person- ate the leading character in the best play ever written, Genius even flashes from every hair in her bangs, and if the star doesn’t. draw a full house it must be attributed to the fact that the ink with which. the portrait is printed is of a very inferior quality. Tuey say there is a dearth inthe Servant- Girl market in this city. Wehave thought so for a long time, having noticed fewer hairs in the average boarding-house butter than there used to be in flush times, A DvtcuMaN saw an electric light the other night for the first time, and after looking at it five minutes without speaking, he finally asked if it was gas. Somebody said yes. He looked at the wires leading to it for a moment and then said: Dot vos der smallest bipes for so much light dot efer vos seen, I bade you.” comicbooks.com