Judge — October 29, 1881 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UDG THE J E.. give himself a chance to brace up for the ordeal. It was about noon that day when his atten- tion was drawn to another part of the store by the loud laughing of some of the clerks, and on looking up he saw the proprietor’s son, Tom Tripper, approaching his desk with a newspaper in his hand. ‘Tom was a handsome, roguish, rapid youth, full of life and expectations of one day super- seding his father in the business, but_ whose wild oats had not been sown yet by a bag full; a fellow always ready for anything within the bounds of India-rubber reason that had the slightest promise of fun in it. “T say, Mc., here’s a racket,” said he, as he came laughing to his desk. “What?” demanded MeGudgeon, looking at him sternly, for he had no relish for the sort of amusements which pleased the young man. “ 4 racket. Read that,” said he, handing him the paper and pointing to the very ad- vertisement which we have given, Blushing to the roots of the few hairs he had remaining on the top of his head, he read it and then threw the paper back to him. “Well, what of it?” he asked again, turn- ing to his ledger “Why, don’t you catch on?” ‘0, sir, Ido not,” he replied, coldly. “Why, here is some old ass who wishes to correspond with somebody inclined to matri- mony, and as Iam inclined that way myself I am going to answer it,” said he, preparing to write, “What is that?” and Me. staggered back a little, “Going to answer it; just sce the sweet gushing letter I will write, and if you don't believe there is any fun in such rackets, why just wait until I get a reply; keep the ap- pointment, and carry the thing clear out. Oh, [have had heaps of fun, old man, at this business,” and the rapid youth began to write, . McGudgeon was almost paralyzed. Was it common thing for men to answer such ad- vertisements? and if so, was he not in danger —not only of making a fool of himself, but being found out by his acquaintanc Forewarned was forearmed, however, and so far as this young man’s letter was concerned, he knew very well that nothing would come out of it, and that he would simply have his labor for his pains. But how was he to be sure about other letters that he might re- ceive? To aggravate him still further, Tom read him the letter he had written in a feminine hand, and it did read as though he was used to answering such things, after which he made comments on it that nearly drove him crazy However, he braced ‘up the next day, and went to the office to get the answers that had been sent in to his advertisement, and found about fifty letters waiting for him. With palpitating heart and trembling hands he secreted them in his various pockets, and then went blushing home to his boarding. house, feeling as guilty as though he had stolen a sheep. He imagined that everybody whom he met wrose, and if he saw a lady there wearing a knew what he had been doing and of the scores of letters he had about him, while every young man he saw laughing he sus- pected might be the author of one or more of the letters. Poor Toft, his matrimonial troubles were only just commencing. He was dreadfully nervous at the dinner- table, fearing that somebody might know his secret, or that some of the letters might drop from his overcharged pockets, and in that way expose the whole thing. Finally he reached his room and locked himself in securely, Then he breathed a little freer, but he glanced anxiously about as he drew the letters from his pocket and placed them in a bunch upon his table. “ How many are genuine and how many are false?” he mused, as he stood looking at them. “How many fellows like Tom Tripper hav seen my advertisement and answered it? How shall I proceed in this business without compromising myself?” After contemplating the pile for a few moments, he ran them over and noted the different styles of handwriting. ‘Then he selected one that appeared to be all right, and broke the envelope. ‘There was an aroma of Lubin about it that was not to be sneezed at. A lady (if it was a lady) who could select such perfume must be something more than ordinary, as the per- fume was, and so he read from it as follows: “My DEAR ‘Ba I have just read your candid matrimonial advertisement, and in it, I would years of age (mark my candor); called good look’ known to be respectable; possessed of consid Ne of this world’s goods; tired of living alone, and am willin to get into the traces gain, Now, if you are the my heart tells me you are, meet me in the ladies’ parlor of the Astor House, on Wednesda it eleve lock. Wear a red rose in your button-hole, and I will wear a white one on my breast. “Truly and earnestly yours, Mapar.” McGudgeon drew a long sigh and read it over again. He drew another one and read ita third time. What was there about that letter that attracted him so? There could possibly be no nonsense about it, He was to wear a red rose and she a white. Well, for that matter, he could visit the rendezvous at the hour appointed without w gz a red white one on her breast, why then he would be sure that there was no sell about it. He resolved to take that one in first. He read several other letters, Tom Tripper’s among the rest, but noone of them seemed to catch him like that one by “Madge.” And he read it over once more. ‘Possessed of considerable of this world’s goods,” he mused, and then he sighed. “Yes, Madge shall be the first one,” he finally concluded; ‘she is evidently too mod- est to say how much of this world’s goods she possesses, but I can soon find out—ha, ha, hal” BILLY (to old Bufkins, who has tried for ten minutes in vain to get his cherished clay to draw): ‘Shure, sorr, and it’s very sorry I am for breaking it; but how else was I to keep the pieces together if I didn’t put the knitting-needle inside?” what will Conkling do with Arthur? the tool anyhow? Which is Otitv scems to Foster Republican ideas. Wuat a mistake it was not to invite the descendants of Cornwallis to be present and take part in the Yorktown Centennial! Now that the weathe Indian trouble: a few month: is getting cold, the will probably be blanketed for *O1 yes, we'll sustain you—at the funeral,” says Tammany Hall to the Centuries. Members of the old Americus Club, who now and then “catch on” at the Morton House, whether they are Scotch or Irish, are sure to sigh {for the banks of the Tweed, as they behold the silverware marked “ Ameri- cu that reminds them of those halcyon Greenwich da Ir has often been said that Americans run everything into the ground, and yet telegraph and telephone wires continue to make the overhead portion of our city look like a mos. quito net. . “OLE Vir never tires!” No? Well, she ought to re-tire if she can’t get up a bet- ter showing in the duclistic business than she did betweer, Early and Mahone. Has the mother of Presidents become a slouch ? “Who comes het who comes here “Th 2 “Admit the Jupe who comes here? A MELON and iced coffee for breakfast Was nice while the weather was hot. But now comes the brown hash or the beef: steak, And coffee from the singing pot! Wuart a pity it is that this is an “off year”; it don’t give John Kelly halfac And yet he’s a good one at a party w they Ir whooping would do it, Ireland would have been free long ago. Tue only trouble that political croakers secm to meet with in forecasting the political future of a party in the hands of a ‘Vice- President,” basing things on precedents, is that Chester A. Arthur is a gentleman. What a snag was there, my countrymen!