Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, March 1922 · page 13 of 68
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #31 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains satirical advice poetry addressed to "gringos" (American men, likely in Mexico or Latin America) and a joke mocking stuttering. The main poem offers tongue-in-cheek life guidance: don't complain when gambling, pay your debts cheerfully, marry white women, order cheap beer on dates, drink whisky, and conduct yourself honorably. The repeated refrain "gringo" frames these as stereotypical American behaviors—the satire mocking both American conduct abroad and the patronizing term itself. The term "gringo" carries implicit criticism of American arrogance and poor behavior in foreign contexts. The brief joke below ridicules a man's stutter by having a boy suggest the parrot would be better off dead than speaking as poorly. This reflects the era's cruder attitudes toward disabilities and speech impediments—humor at the disabled person's expense was considered acceptable. The satire targets American male behavior and attitudes, particularly regarding money, relationships, and alcohol consumption.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang 11 And play the darn fool: to rise up—not sink— Is the motto of every right gringo. But, if you do gamble and never can win, Don't damn at the dice-box, and kick up a din, But keep your tongue silent, and switch on a grin, And pay up your debts like a gringo. Don't think that love's river continually flows; But just take a tip from a fellow who knows, And pay for the water for washing your clothes— It's cheaper all round for the gringo. Yet, when you have read this, you don't think I'm right, And, in spite of the caution, your love-thoughts take flight, Then take my advice, son; wed something that's white! It's best in the end for a gringo. If you happen to take a fair damsel to dine, Don't squander your money to put up a shine, But order her beer (though she may ask for wine), Or you'll sure be a fool of a gringo. Now, if you must drink, my advice to begin Is to stick to a whisky and soda . . . or gin; And never forget that the bottle must win, For it's never been beat by a gringo. So don't go on thinking your inside's a sieve; And now there's a piece of advice I would give: If you ain't good, be careful! . . . and then you may live To get your grey hairs as a gringo. Be slow to offend, and reluctant to blame; Be quick to forgive; and treat all men the same— You must hold a Straight Flush in life's little game To be worthy the name of a gringo. * * * 'Sa Nice Day, Haintit? A stuttering man walked up to a boy who had a parrot in a cage and said, "Ca—ca—can tha—tha—that parrot talk?" "Well," replied the boy, "if he couldn't talk better than you I'd kill him."