Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, August 1921 · page 60 of 68
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #23 — page 60: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces from *Captain Billy's Whiz Bang*, a 1920s-era humor magazine. **"The Only Rings You Gave Me"** is a song-poem about romantic deception. A woman accuses her suitor of making extravagant promises (diamond rings, pearls, fine clothes) that he never delivered. Instead, the "rings" she received were dark circles under her eyes from crying when she realized his lies. The satire targets men who use flattery and false promises to manipulate women romantically. **"She Was All Ready"** is a brief marital joke playing on women's fashion of the era—likely referring to women's restrictive corsetry or the difficulty of dressing quickly. The humor relies on the wife's deadpan response suggesting she's already wearing her evening gown (implying she's gained weight or the garment is permanently affixed). **"Most Assuredly"** is a joke about department store layout, punning on "waists" (garments) versus women's bodies, implying ladies' figures fall between neckwear and hosiery measurements. All three pieces reflect post-WWI attitudes toward gender, courtship, and consumer culture.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
58 Captain Billy's Whiz Bang The Only Rings You Gave Me (By Jack Gould) You promised me a lot of things When first I fell for you,— You said you would buy me diamond rings, And pearls of lustrous hue; You said that I'd wear silken hose And other garments fine; Oh, boy— I'm here to tell you these.— You had a flow'ry line Refrain: The only rings you gave me Were the rings beneath my eyes; From vanity you have saved me, By adorning me with lies. The only pearls were tear drops That were shed when I got wise; The only rings you gave me Were the rings beneath my eyes! The fairy tales that you have told Would shame the ones of Grimm; You made me think that all was gold That glittered in the glim. But there is bound to come a day,— Just wait, old scout, and see,— When you'll find out you'll have to pay For what you got from me! * * * She Was All Ready Jack (ready for the party)—Dorothy, the taxi will be here any minute. Slip on your evening gown quick. Wifie—Now, don't be funny, Jack, it's on. * * * Most Assuredly “Where shall I find ladies' waists?” “Between the neckwear and the hosiery, madam.”