Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, April 1921 · page 11 of 68
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #19 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a gossip column about Charlie Chaplin, the famous silent-film comedian. The piece discusses his romantic life—specifically his breakup with someone named Mildred and his new relationship with a modest, non-drinking, non-smoking woman (who "doesn't chew nor swear"). The satire targets Hollywood's culture: the author notes that Chaplin's new girlfriend lacks the "marks" of typical movie starlets—she's unusually demure compared to actresses known for vulgarity and wild behavior. The column suggests that Chaplin, despite his fame and wealth, is actually lonely and isolated by celebrity, unable to trust whether people befriend him for genuine reasons or merely his name and money. The piece employs mock-serious, slightly cynical humor typical of *Whiz Bang*, a humor magazine that trafficked in Hollywood gossip and innuendo. The reference to "Captain Kidd" uses piracy as a metaphor for actresses' aggressive behavior.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang 9 minded man is concerned. It has been quite noticeable that the object of Chaplin's recent devotion bears none of the eye, ear or leg marks generally supposed to fea- ture the extra smart ladies. This girl is modest appear- ing and, what is more, modest acting. She doesn't smoke, nor drink; and, so far as anyone knows, doesn't indulges in none of the frivolities. Not to swear is regarded as remarkable among the movie dames. Most of them could tame a Captain Kidd pirate and make a buccaneer hang his head in a bucket of blushes. Young lady clerks or stenographers quite frequently are told to leave the room when an irate movie girl enters. It may be that Chaplin is experi- encing a state of austerity and aloofness from ordinary mundane affairs which a man often does experience after his soul has somewhat been seared by the white iron of social cruelty—whatever that means. Anyhow Charlie is not intending to commit suicide as a result of the parting from Mildred. The women flock after him if they get half a chance. He realizes this fact, but seemingly attributes it to the lure of his name and wealth. As a matter of fact, Chaplin at his best would attract many women. He has a winsome way, as they say. Truth of the matter is that this young favorite of film fortune is quite lonesome, not knowing who is or who isn't his friend, either man or woman. He is paying the stern penalty which fame frequently exacts. There was considerable excitement in the studios and bungalows recently when a rumor went forth that