Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, March 1921 · page 37 of 68
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #18 — page 37: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Captain Billy's Whiz Bang* (a 1920s humor magazine) contains three jokes mocking early 20th-century social changes: **"What Daughter Learned"** satirizes women's education. A grandmother names her granddaughter "Diploma," claiming that's literally all her daughter brought home from northern seminary—implying the education was worthless or that educated women retained nothing practical. **"Progress Is Our Motto"** is ironic social commentary. It celebrates modern conveniences (electricity, cars, wireless telegraph) while lamenting loss of skills and authenticity—silk stockings but no sewing ability, pianos nobody actually plays, factory butter. The poem's twist: despite embracing "progress," they still raise babies the "old-fashioned way," suggesting some traditions remain. **"Back to His Childhood"** uses Irish-immigrant stereotypes (Pat and Mike with dialect spelling) in a joke about patent medicine. They take a remedy to feel young; each dose makes them progressively younger until Pat regresses to infancy—commenting on the era's unregulated, often-ineffective "cure-all" medicines.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang 35 What Daughter Learned Grandmother—"Come here, Diploma." Visitor—"That's a funny name for your grand- child. Why do you call her that?" "You see, I sent my daughter to one of those nawthern seminaries and that's all she brought back." * * * Progress Is Our Motto Electrical appliances have superseded steam, Old time sailing vessels are an antiquated dream; We have our horseless carriages driven by the rich, Our ladies wear silk stockings but never take a stitch; We have wireless telegraphy which flies o'er land and sea, We play upon the piano but never touch a key; The belly-ache of former days is appendicitis now, And we are eating creamery butter that never saw a cow. Though progression is our motto and modern times have come to stay, Thank God! We raise our babies— In the good old fashioned way. * * * Back to His Childhood Pat and Mike walked into a drug store and said they wanted something to make them feel young again. The druggist gave them a well known remedy, and Pat and Mike each took a swallow and started out. A block down the street they took another swallow. “I feel foive years younger,” said Pat. “Begorra, I feel like a boy,” said Mike. A few blocks farther Pat said: “Bejabers, Mike, don't drink another drop of that stuff. I've gone back to infancy.”