Beadle's New York Dime Library No. 32 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Beadle’s Dime Library. 4 == Gentlemen, I feel spiritually happy on this 6e- casion, especially since I took the last drink of clear brandy, and that remark infers that it is very probable Ogleish imbibed before he came into this chamber. Gentlemen, from the best of my recollection, I think I did.” ; ‘‘Hadn’t you better take another horn?” in- ' terrupted She-cargo, the Michigan covey. “Once in every twenty minutes, or five drinks an hour, will do me very well,” replied Ogleish, while a winning smile played upon his features. ‘‘Order, order, gentlemen,” said the Presi- dent. ‘Gentlemen, I was about to say, and should have said long ago, had I not been interrupted, what I shall now say to this ‘enlightened body,’ providing I can say what I wish to say in a fair way, without a second interruption, that I have several valuable motions to make; motions ‘as are motions,’ gentlemen. And in saying so, it implies forcibly to your mind, that something is about to come, in fact, is coming, sure. “Gentlemen, we are aware that our Seciety intends to give ‘ Weekly Items’ to the public, or, in other words, the ‘general news’ in bur- lesque form—the same to be posted up slyly about town. All of us consider this move a high cne. Now, I have been exceedingly lucky to-day, and if I hadn’t I’m not the man who would say it. I have found out who of the Senior class caused those warning notices to’be printed and posted, respecting the ‘ Philistine Society,’ and I intend—” '“' Gory!” cried out somebody. “Order, gentlemen,” said the Chair. “* Hear! hear!” yelled out some one. “‘Gentlemen, I say I have found out, and that implies a good deal, too—-yet I have him. I would expose his name, had I not committed myself; yet, gentlemen, allow me to say that since the intelligence reached me, I have care- lessly prepared for our ‘Weekly Journal,’ the following few lines, which may, perhaps, cause him to be ‘spotted.’ They are rough; yet, at the same time, they are telling -— There is a manin our town Who loves to laugh, and not to frown, Who tips his fancy hat with grace, And tales show his handsome face, CuHorvus—Look out for the hat, Look out for the coat, Look out for the fancy boots. This fancy man one day did go Up to the tailor’s shop, and lo! He ot a bob-tail coat, did he, And with it cut upa donde re k out for the hat Look out for the coat, Look out for the fancy boots. of f now you see the fruit-ses For rr ke na aces and gets his boot-ses, And promenades along the passes, Just to show the pretty lasses— is fancy hat, His fancy coat, » His fancy voots. This Senior's name I'd like to tell, I guess it would not please him well; Feat ths was ever bamied Hered was ever nam e ‘ : Then look out for the hat, Look out for the coat, Look out for the fancy boots. This was decidedly rich. Long before Ogle- ish had finished, every member present seemed to be highly elated, for they knew exactly where to “spot.” They laughed, yelled, clap- ped their hands, and unanimously demanded a “second reading.” Even the President could not help smiling. As Ogleish had carefully read it, he, on repeating it, ‘sung the thing ” through in fine style, the crowd joining in the “I move that we immediately drink, on the strength of that—all of us,” said Nat, of South Carolina. “JT second the motion,” said Josh, of Mary- land. “ll bet fifteen cents that that will take the Benior down ‘a few pegs, and cut him to the sole, like a knife,” roared out the happy Ohio youth. They decidedly did drink—all, to a man. «« Allow me to say, Mr. President, that I call —-call—that I think—think that that poe—poe = is a nice little piece of sat—sat—-satire —I do,” muttered forth a young cove, who could hardly stand erect; he feeling “‘fashion- ably tight.” ’ ‘Sit down, Joggles, you’re too drunk to giye expression to your feelings,” replied Ogleish, with a smile, ‘Who does the gen-gen-gentleman ca-ca-call drunk? eh?’ ‘Ah! I will inform you with pleasure,” re- joined Ogleish, in a mischievous way. ‘‘I | body refer to the gentleman who intends, according | to the forthcoming sermones sine sensu, to speak upon the ‘Rights of Juniors,’ if I mis- take not.” Here Joggles smiled, and muttering some- thing about being plenus Bacchi, immediately resumed his seat. He was in too happy astate to make any reply to this retort. He sat with both hands in his pockets, jingling his gold and silver. “Mr, President,” said Harry, of Rhode Island, “in all of our reforms, let us not for- get the tongues claimed to be the personal pro- perty of two gossiping widows, old Mrs. Dewe- senberry, and Mrs. Johnson. They must be silenced, at least be reformed, so that the two may mind their own business after this. We are aware that they have done much mischief, by giving publicity to certain questionable re- ports, and I hope that when this Society takes into consideration the several reforms at issue, these two women will not escape a severe hear- ing.” “Tl bet fifteen cents that we’ll still ’em,” observed Tim, of Ohio. * Yes—yes—yes sir—ree,—sir, we will, all of that,” muttered forth Joggles, in his stutter- ing way, for he always did so when a little sc ” “‘Mr. President, it seems that I’m a ripe re- presentative for the State of New Jersey, although I hail from Texas,” spoke up Boun- cer, as he gained the floor, ‘‘ but I want it dis- tinctly understood that I’m good for both Texas and New Jersey, and you'll always find Bouncer right and ready for any kind of a ‘decent scrape,’ and if there is any ‘ fighting’ to be done, it will be very essential that I take an important part, if our side don’t wish to get licked, although I say it myself. As we must not ‘take any lip’ from the members of the other cliques, you may consider me as the ‘fighting member’ of this Society. This speech, delivered in a cool tone, elicited much laughter. Bouncer meant exactly what he said, ‘“‘Gentlemen, I move that we make our ‘headquarters’ down at ‘old Sam Keeler’s; that we take command of the ‘big back room’ as he calls it; that we patronize him altogether, and, furthermore, that we swear the old gen- tleman to keep peace with this Society.” The motion was made by Dan, of Vermont, seconded by Jed, and carried unanimously. After a short discussion, a secret was told to each member, by the President, when they ad- journed. This did not occur, however, until liquor and cigars had ‘‘suffered” to a re- markable extent. LIBER III. ONE morning, at a very early hour, Mrs. Dewesenberry and Mrs, Johnson, the two little hump-backed, cross-eyed, ‘‘grass widows,” were both very wrathy. During the previous night, while wrapped closely in the arms of Morpheus, a gross impo- sition had been played upon both of them—at least, upon their front doors—which seemed to be a “‘ sticker,” for good, “Oh, my dear Mrs. Dewesenberry, good- morning,” said Mrs. Johnson, as they met by chance on the road. “‘Good-morning. Oh, them air pesky stu- dents—them—them—them—” “But stop, Poll. Pray tell me what have they done to you? Quick! quick!” “Posted a big, co wholloping show-bill, right on my nice front door,” ‘* And so they have on mine, too,” “No! no! Eh?” ‘Yes, yes, the sarponts have.” ‘““Embrace me, then—we are sufferers to- gether!” cried out Mrs. Johnson. . The post-bill referred to was the first issue by the ‘Philistine Society,” although it was unknown tothe public. It came out under the significant head of “IMPORTANT ITEMS OF THE WEEK.” _ They were to be seen in different parts of the city; while crowds of people perused the same with great apparent interest. “* Awful papers,” remarked a judge. **Some of those cursed students’ doings,” uttered a rough, blustering ‘‘M. D.” of the ** blue-pill school.” ‘Too personal, altogether,” said a third one, ‘Mighty hard set of boys,” muttered some- ‘Wonder somebody don’t know who posted ‘em up?’ observed a storekeeper. “Mighty Queer! all this ’ere is,” said ‘old Sam Keeler,” as Parson Boo stood by his side, ‘They are stuck upall about town. There’s one right on the back of old Professor Jones’s family carriage,” laughingly remarked a young, promising looking lad. “ And all along College Green, too,” said a grinning baker. ‘*Old Mrs. Johnson’s door has got one too,.’” “Too bad! too bad!” interposed one of the * old inhabitants.” ‘So has Mrs. Dewesenberry’s door got one of the same sort, too.” By nine o’clock in the morning the theme of discussion with regard to the bills had become Syperel through the whole town. Here is one of them :— IMPORTANT ITEMS OF THE WEEK. Professor ——— declares that he will give $25 to know who placed a live rooster in his desk. How admirably the animal did crow in the Lecture Room! Professor, if you can find out who perpetrated the bold act, then hae gratu- lizez. The red-haired Sophomore who lives on cigars and meerschaums intends to deliver, ere long, a public lecture; and that, too, before he jumps among the Juniors. Subject—“ Visions of Faded Honors.” He has our best wishes, for— ** Red hair "is a clever boy, But then he’s mighty azy; And what is more, he loves a “ tight,” He's always free and easy. Why may we suppose that Mr. Fresh. K. is under the especial protection of Apollo? Because he is the god of the Lyre—(qy. liar.} Dr. Fox will soon give an exhibition of him- self, by appearing on the stage, and look every fan out of countenance; and in attempting to. give a lucid illustration of leaving morning prayers, as soon as his name is called, will tumble over a pile of Greek roots, which some Freshmen had placed there for dissection. We learn, from a very reliable source, that a certain up-startish Fresh. will soon have an opportunity of “‘showing himself up,” by re- peating his autobiography, together with a copy of the College Laws, verbatim et litera- tim, et punctuatim. By request of the Alumni, the Junior who has a “taste for everything,” will appear in the costume of ’76, and give a minute descrip— tion of eleven battles of the Revolution, includ- ing the Battle of Bunker Hill, with specimens of fife and drum playing of his own day. Swell Head Beavertoe, (F. B.S. H. A. S., Fellow Boston Aristocratic Soc.,) by request, and especially of the ladies, will read from tLe stage, (after it has been enlarged, expressly on. his account,) an Essay on Fashion. His hands will be cased in white kids. Beavertoe has spent many years in deep re- search, and has digested many authors on the subject. After which, he will give an ocular demonstration of the most approved method of carrying a cane, and also of “sitting at a mahogany table, and sipping white wine and champagne a la mode de Beacon street.” But as the materials cannot be easily obtained here,, he will draw up to a white-pine table, and, as a substitution, will sip two gallons of Keeler’s (old Sam’s) ale. Perhaps some one may bave noticed another certain spunky Junior promenading the streets, who, like weeds, is always where he is not, wanted. This is an expensive object. He is: the fellow who was on such a ‘‘bust” with, borrowed clothes, a week before Bail Mana- gers were elected; the fellow who “‘skunked”” the Jew of seven dollars for a suit of clothes, to “splurge on, last Commencement; the chap who chaws more tobacco than any member of College, and never buys any. In fine, the gent. who “‘ sprees and splurges” so awfully on the. quarters, during a session (borrowed. ) We have been putting our Machine in work- ing order, so as to heave off some “ Machine Poetry” in his behalf. Whether we have mae it out, we leave for the reader to decide, after perusing the following:-- a — o—_ EORNICLACG) CS EO