Beadle's Half Dime Library, No. 9 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| —_———_— —<—$_ —_ —_ —_ 7 - —— CHAPTER XXVIII. A PROCLAMATION BY THE BARON—EXCESSIVE CURIOSITY OF THE PEOPLE TO KNOW WHAT FUDGE WAS—THE PEOPLE IN A GENERAL FERMENT ABOUT IT—THEY BREAK OPEN ALL THE GRANARIES IN THE EMPIRE— THE AFFECTIONS OF THE PEOPLE CONCILIATED—AN ODE PERFORMED IN HONOR OF THE BARON—-HIS DIS- COURSE WITH FRAGRANTIA ON THE EXCELLENCE OF THE MUSIC, Some time after, I ordered the following proclama- tion to be published. in the Court Gazette, and in all the other papers of the empire: By the most mighty and puissant lord, his Excel- lency the LorD BARON MUNCHAUSEN. _ WHEREAS a quantity of fudge has been distributed through all the granaries of the empire for particu- lar uses; and as the natives have ever their aversion to all manner of European eatables, it is hereby beg! eee a under pain of the 0 severe nalties, for any of the officers, charged with the ‘keeping of the said fudge, to give, sell, or suffer to be sold, ay ess or quantity whatever of the said material, until it be agreeable unto our good will and ag if MUNCHAUSEN, Dated in our castle of Gristariska, this Triskill of the month of Griskish, in the year Moulikasra- thintaoceashation excita th curi § proc on exc the most ardent osi- ty all over the empire. ‘‘Do you. know what this fudge is?” said y Mooshilgarousti to Lord Dar- “ Fudge!" said he—“ fu narlaganl. {—no; what fudge?’ “TI mean,” replied her p, “the enor- mous quantity of fudge that has been distributed laces in the empire, under trem in all the strong p ch is strictly forbidden to be sold, or given to any of the natives, under the severest pe es,”” ‘**Lord!” replied he, *‘ what in the name of wonder can it be?—Forbidden! why it must;—but ray do ou, y h, do you know what this fud 8?’—Do you, Lord Trastillauex? Or you, Miss Gristi- larkask? What! nobody know what this fudge can be?’’. It engrossed for several days the chit-chat of the whole empire. Fudge, fudge, fudge, resounded in all eompanies and in all places, from the rising until the s of the sun; and even at night, when gen- tle sleep refreshed the rest of mortals, the ladies of all that country were dreaming of fudge! _ “Upon my honor,” said Kitty, as she was adjust- ing Det modesty-piece before the glass, just after getting out of bed, *‘ there is scarce anything I would not give to know what this fudge can be.” ‘La! my dear,’ replied Miss. Killnaris “T have been dreaming the whole me of nothing but fudge. I thought my lover ‘ki my hand, and p it to his bosom, while I, frowning, endeavored to wrest it from him; that he kneeled at my feet. No, never, never will I look at you, cried I, till you tell me what this fudge can be, or get me some of it, Begone! cried I, with all the of offended beauty, majesty, and a tragic queen. becone! never see me more, or bring me delicious fudge. He swore on the honor of a knight, that he would wander o’er the world, encounter every r, perish in the at- tempt, or satisfy the angel of seul.” The chiefs and nobility of the nation, when they met together to drink their kava, spoke of not but fudge.—Men, women, and children, all, all of nothing but fudge. Twas a fury of curiosity, one geperal erment, a universal fever—nothing but Bet in one tape they all agreed, that u one ay 89 ey , that. govern- ment must have had some interested view in giving such positive orders to preserve it, and keep it from the natives of the country. Petitions were address- ed to me from all quarters from every corporation and body of men in the whole empire; The ma- jority of the people instructed their constituents, and the parliament presented a petition, praying that I would be wroerd to take the state of the na- tion under consideration, and give orders to satisfy the le , or the most : , bs jer . consequences were oO and w rehended. To these uests, at the en- t ty my council, I made no ‘Tenty, or at best but unsatisfactory answers. was on the rack; they forgot to lampoon the government, so engaged e fudge. The great assembly of of were they about thi the states could think of nothing else. Ins enacting laws for the Bees: of the people. in- stead of consulting what should seem most wise, most excellent, they could think, talk, and harangue of nothing but fudge. In vain did the Speaker call to Seat e more — they got, the more extrava- gant and inquisitive they were. In short, the populace in many places rose in the most outrageous and tumultuous manner, forced open the es in all places in one ap Mag tri- umphantly distributed the fudge through the whole he ether on account of the longing, the t curi- Osity, imagination, or the d tion of the people, cannot say—but they found it infinitely to their taste; ‘twas an intoxication of joy, satisfaction, and . nding how much they liked this fu I pro- in ow : cured another quantity from giana, much greater than the former, and cautiously wed it all over the kingdom. us were the affections of the peo- ple regained; and they, from hence, to vene- rate, applaud, and admire my government more than Over, Whe following Ode was performed at the cas- tle, in the most superb style, and universally ad- 3 ODE Ye bulls and crickets, and Gog, Magog, And trump'ts high chiming anthrophog, Come sing blithe choral all in 0g, Caralog, bacilog, fog, and bog: $e Baron Munchausen. Great and superb appears thy cap sublime, Admired ai womied as the rising sun; Solemn, mo ie wise, like hoary Time, And fam’d alike for virtue, sense, and fun. Then swell the noble strain with song And elegance divine, While Goddesses around shall throng, And all the Muses Nine. And bulls, and crickets, and And trum Magog, ts chiming anthrophog, Shall the choral all in og, Caralog, ilog, fog, and bog! This. piece of..poetry was much applauded, ad- mired, and encored in every public assembly; cele- brated as.an astonishing effort of genius; and the musie, composed by Minheer Gastrashbark Gkrghh- barwskhk, was thought equal to the sense! Never was there anything so universally admired—the sum- mit of the most exquisite wit, the keenest praise, the most excellent music, ‘*‘Upon my honor, and the faith I owe my love,” said 1, ‘‘music may be talked of in England; but to possess the very soul of harmony, the world should come to the perormanoe of this Ode.” - Frag- rantia was at. that. moment drumming with her fin- gers on the edge of her fan, lost in a reverie, thinking ae Na ing date Hachintia. Pana T tenienty, fikhig ** No, my dear Gere rly her in m en while she melted into tears; ‘‘ never, never, will I play Upon any other—!”’ Oh! ’twas e, to see her like a summer’s morn- ing, all blushing and full of dew! CHAPTER XXTX, THE BARON SETS ALL THE PEOPLE OF THE EMPIRE. TO WORK TO BUILD A BRIDGE FROM THEIR COUNTRY TO GREAT. BRITAIN-—-HIS CONTRIVANCE TO RENDER THE ARCH SECURE—ORDERS AN INSCRIPTION TO BE EN- GRAVED ON THE BRIDGE—RETURNS WITH ALL HIS COMPANY, CHARIOT, ETC., TO ENGLAND—SURVEYS THE KINGDOMS AND NATIONS UNDER HIM FROM THE MID- DLE OF THE BRIDGE. ‘*‘AND now, most noble Baron,”’ said the illustrious Hilaro Frosticos, ‘‘ now is the time to make this peo- le proceed in any business that we find convenient. ake them at this present ferment of the mind, let them not think, but at once set them to work.” In short, the whole nation went heartily to the busi- ness, to build an edifice such as was never seen in any other country. I took care to supply them with their favorite kava and fudge, and they worked like horses. The tower of Babylon, which, according to Hermogastricus, was seven miles high, or the Chinese wall, was a mere trifle, in com n to this stu- pendous edifice, which was completed in a very short space of time. It was of an immense hight, far beyond oA mod that ever had been before erected; and of such gen- tle ascent, that a regiment of cavalry with a train of cannon could ascend with perfect ease and facility. Esselte — SSS ] ' | | It seemed like a rainbow in the heavens, the base of | which appeared to rise in the center of Africa, and the other extremity seemed to stoop into Great Britain. A most noble bridge indeed, and a piece of masonry that has outdone Sir Christopher Wren. Wonderful must it have been to form so dous an arc as the artists had certain difficul- ties to labor against, which they could not have in the formation of any other arch in the world; Imean, the attraction of the moon and planets; because the arch was of so great a hight, and in some parts so elongated from the earth, as in a great measure to diminish in its gravitation to the center of our globe; or rather, seemed more easily operated upon by the attraction of the planets; So that the stones of the arch, one would think, at certain times, were ter to fall up to the moon, and at other times tof down to the earth. to be dreaded, I secured stability to the fabric by a very curious contrivance: I ordered the architects to get the heads of some hundred numbskulls and blockheads, and fix them to the interior surface of the arch, at certain intervals, all the whole length; by which means the arch was held together firm, and its inclination to the earth eternally established: because of all the things in the world, the skulls of these kind of animals have a strange facility of tend- ing to the center of the earth. e building being completed, I caused an inscri tion to be engrav in the most magnificent style upon the summit of the arch; in letters so great and luminous, that all vessels sailing to the or West Indies might read them distinct in the heavens, like the motto of Constantine:— KARDOL BAGARLAN KAI TON FARINGO SARGAL .RA MO PASHROL VATINEAC CAL COLNITOS RO NA FILNAT AGASTRA SA DINGANNAL FANO. That is to Say, “As long as this arch and bond of union shall so. long shall the Pome be happy. Nor can all the power of the worl ect them, un- less the moon, ‘advancing from her usual sphere ; which, the whole ig reps confusion, - moe easy Intercourse being thus established be- tween Great Britain and the center of Africa, num- bers traveled continually to and from both countries, and at my request mail coaches were ordered to run on the bridge between both empires. After some time, having settled the government perfectly to my satisfaction, I requested 25 [ppc to resign, as & reat cabal had been excited against me in England: therefore received my letters of recall, an pered to return to Old England. In fine, I set out upon my journey, covered with applause and general admiration. I proceeded with But as the former was more | ce pre- | 18 ———— the same retinue that I had before, Sphinx, Gog and Magog, etc., and advanced along the e, lined on each side with rows of t Gtdrnell with festoons of various flowers, and illuminated with colored lights. We advaticed at a great rate along the bridge, which was s0 very extensive that we could scarce perceive the ascent, but proceeded insensibly until we arrived on the center of the arch. The yiew from thence was glorious beyond conception: ‘twas divine to look down on. the doms, and seas, and islands under us.. Africa seemed in general of a tawny brownish color, burned up by the sun; Spain seemed more inclining to a ye Ww, On account of some fields of corn scattered over the kingdom; France appeared. more inclining to a bright straw color, intermixed with green, and England #4 ba Se covered with the ge a oy rendre. : I at : a ap e 0 e baitic sea, which evidentiy seetiad to haye been introduced between those coun- tries by the sudden. split of the land; and that originally Sweden was united to the western coast of Denmark; in short, the whole interstice of the Gulf of Finland had no being, until these countries, b mutual consent, se from one another, Suc were my philosophical meditations, as I advanced; when I observed a man in armor with a tremendous spear or lance, and mounted upon a_steed, advanc- ing against me, I soon discovered by a telescope that it could be no other than Don ote, and pro- mised myself much amusement in the rencounter. CHAPTER XXX, THE BARON’S RETINUE IS OPPOSED IN A HEROIC STYLE BY DON QUIXOTE, WHO IN HIS TURN IS ATTACKED BY GOG AND MAGOG—LORD WHITTINGTON WITH THE LORD MAYOR’S SHOW COMES TO THE ASSISTANCE OF DON QUIXOTE—GOG AND MAGOG ASSAIL HIS LORDSHIP —LORD WHITTINGTON MAKES A SPEECH, AND DELUDES GOG AND MAGOG TO HIS PARTY—A GENERAL SCENE OF UPROAR AND BATTLE AMONG: THE COMPANY; UN- TIL THE BARON, WITH GREAT PRESENCE OF MIND, APPEASES THE TUMULT, _ “WHAT art thou?” exclaimed Don Quixote on his potent steed. “Who art thou? _Speak—or by the eternal vengeance of mine arm, thy whole machin- ery shall pone at sound of this my trumpet!”’._ . Astonished at.so rude a salutation, the great Spates stopped short, and bridling up herself, drew in her head, like a snail when it touches vee go RL it does not like: the bulls set up a horrid be . the crickets sounded an alarm; and Gog and M advanced before the rest. One of these powe brothers had in his hand a re Bip pole, to the ex- tremity of which was fastened a cord of about two feet in length, and.to the end of the cord was fast- ened a ball of iron, with spikes shooting from it like the rays of a star: with this wPepOn he prepared to encounter; and advancing, thus he spoke: “‘ Audacious wight! that thus, in complete steel arrayed, doth dare to venture cross my way, to stop the great Munchausen. Know, then, proud knight, that thou shalt instant perish “neath my potent art. When. Quixote, Mancha’s knight, responded firm: “Gigantic manster! leader of wite crickets, and chimeras dire! know thou, that here before yon azure heaven, the cause of truth, of yalor, and of faith right pure shall ordeal counter try it!"’ Thus he spoke, and brandishing _ his nignty eee would instant prodigies sublime ormed, ha not some wight placed ‘neath the of dark Rosinante furze thorny base; at. kl ar coast Cae a plunged the steed, and instant on the earth the knight roared credo for his life. At that same moment, ten thousand frogs started from the morions of Gog and Magog, and furiousl assailed the ge on every side. In vain he ro ; and invoked fair Dulcinea del Toboso; for frogs wild croaking seemed more. loud, more sonorous than all his invocations. And thus in battle vile the knight was overcome, and spawn all swarmed upon his glittering helmet. “ Detest miscreants!’ ‘roared the knight; “‘avaunt! Enchanters dire and goblins could alone this arduous task perform, to rout the knight of Mancha—foul def and war, even such as ne’er was known before. Then , oh del Toboso! hear my vows, that thus in anguish of my soul I . ‘midst f Gridalbin, Hecaton, Kai, Talon, and the Rove! (for such the names and definitions of their * Nea their separate powers.) For Merlin plumed their airy flight, and then in watery moonbeam dyed his rod eccentric. At the touch, ten thousand fro; forms metamorphos'’d, croaked even thus: An here they come, on high behest ttcoe f the ae that erst defended famed virginity matrons bewronged, and p hoar, and courteous guise of all! But the age of chivalry is gone, andgthe glory of Europe is extinguished forever He spake, and sudden good Lord Whittington, at head of all his raree-show, came forth, armor antique of chivalry, and helmets old, and troops, all stream- ers, flags and banners glittering gay, red, gold, and purple; and in every hand a square of gingerbread all gilded nice, was brandished awful. At a word, ten thousand thousand Naples biscuits, crackers, b and flannel-cakes, and hats of gingerbread, en- coun mid-air in glorious exaltation; like some huge storm of mill-stones, or when it rains whole clouds of dogs and cats, The frogs, astonished, thunderstruck, forgot their notes and music, that before had seemed so terrible, and drowned the cries of knight renown; and mute in wonder heard the words of Whittington, pro- nouncing solemn: “ Goblins, chimeras dire, or frogs, or whatso’er enchantment thus presents in antique shape, attend and hear the words of peace: and thou, good Herald, read aloud the Riot Act!” He ceased, and dismal was the tone that softly _ breathed from all the frogs in chorus, who quick had JOO cS (ECON AMIE (€@)