Beadle's Half Dime Library, No. 9 — page 14: what you’re looking at

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14 om ee trified with fright, unless redoubted Gog and agog, both with poles high topped with airy blad- ders by a OT ee had not stormed against his lordship. er and anon the bladders, loud re- sounding on his chaps, proclaimed their fury against all-potent law, coercive mayoralty: when he, sub- missive, thus in cunning guile addressed the knight's assailant: “Gog, Magog, renowned and famous! what, my sons, shall you assail your father, friend, and chief confessed? Shall you, thus armed with bladders vile, attack my title, eminence, and pomp sublime? Subside, vile discord, and again return to your true ‘legiance. Think, my friends, how oft your gorgeous pouch I’ve crammed, all calapash, n fat, and calapee. Remember how you've easted, stood inert for ages, until size immense you've gained. And think, how different is the ser- vice of Munchausen, where you o’er seas, cold, briny, float along the tide, eternal toiling like to slaves | chemise a la reine. and Westminster Abbey, and turning the founda- tions toward the heavens, so that the roofs of the edifices were upon the ground, he strung them across _ with brass and steel wire from side to side; and thus, when strung, they had the appearance of most noble dulcimers. He then took the great dome of St. Paul’s, raising it off the earth with as much facility as you would a decanter of claret. And when once risen up, it had the appearance of a quart bottle. Colossus instantly, with his teeth, cracked off the superior part of the cupola, and then a plying his lips to the instrument, began to sound it like a trum- pe ‘Twas martial beyond description—/antara /— ara—ta: During the concert I walked in the park with Lady Fragrantia: she was dressed that morning in a ‘**T like,” said she, ‘‘ the dew of the morning, ‘tis delicate and ethereal; and, by thus Algiers and Tripoli. And ev’n on high, balloon-like, | through the heavens have journeyed late, upon a_ rainbow or some awful bridge stretched eminent; as if on earth he had not work sufficient to distress your »otent servitndes, but he should also seek in heaven | ire cause of labor! Recollect, my friends, even why or wherefore should you thus assail your lawful magistrate, or why desert his livery? or for what or wherefore serve this German Lord Munchausen, who for all your labors shall alone bestow some fudge and heroic blows in war? Then cease, and thus in amity return to friendship aldermanic, bungy, brown, and sober.” Ceased he then, right worshipful, when both the warring champions instant stemmed their battle, and in sign o arenes and unity returning, ‘neath their feet reclined their weapons. Sudden at a signal either stamped his foot sinistrine, and the loud re- rt of bursten bladder stunned each ear surround- ng, like the roar of thunder from on high convulsing heaven and earth. ‘Twas now upon the saddle once again the knight of Mancha rose; and in his hand far balancing his lance, full tilt against the troops of bulls oppos- ing ran. And thou, shrill Crillitrilkril, than whom no cricket e’er on hob of rural cottage, or chimney black, more gladsome tuned his merry note, e’en thou didst perish, shrieking gave the ghost in empty air the sport of ev’ry wind; for e’en that heart so et and so gay was pierced, harsh spitted by the nce of Mancha, while undaunted thou didst sit be- tween the horns that crowned Mowmowsky. And now Whittington advanced, ‘midst armor antique and the powers Magog and Gog; and with his rod enchanting touched the head of every frog, lon mute and thunderstruck; at which, in universa chorus and salute, they sung blithe jocund, and amain advanced rebellious ‘gainst my troop. While “rng though great, gigantic. seemed in- stinctive and cowardly, and at the sight of storming gingerbread, and powers Magog, and Gog, and Quixote, all against her, started fierce, o’erturn- ing boat, balloons, and all; loud roared the bulls, hideous: and the crash of wheels, and chaos of cuon- fusion drear, resounded far from earth to heaven. And still more fierce in charge the at Lord Whit- bon Ng from poke of ermine his fam’d Grimalkin took, She screamed, and harsh attacked my bulls confounded; lightning-like she darted, an half the troop their eyes devouring tore. Nor could the riders, crickets throned sublime, escape from _ how they do drink! and then how they sleep! bespangling me, I think it will more approximate me to the nature of the rose (for her looks were like Aurora); and to confirm the vermilion, I shall go to spa." “‘And drink the Pouhon s ring,” added I, azing at her from top to toe. “ Yes,” replied the ovely Fragrantia, ‘‘ with all my heart—’tis the drink Beadle’s Half-Dime Library. daub the paper; for, that they shoul impartial, I had of sweetness and delicacy; never were there any | creatures like the water-drinkers at Spa; they seem like so many thirsty blossoms ona peach-tree, that suck up the shower in the scorching heat. There is a certain something in the waters that gives vigor to the whole frame, and expands every heart with rapture and benevolence. They drink—good ds! | Pray, | _my dear Baron, were you ever at the Falls of Nia- | Scotland and the Hebrides! from | _ dark-brown shield! rage, from fury less averse than cannons’ murder | o’er the stormy sea. The great Mowmowsky roared amain and plunged in anguish, shunning ey dart of fire-ey’d fierce Grimalkin. Dire the rage of war- fare, and contending crickets, Quixote and great Magog; when Whit n advancing—‘‘ Good, my friends and warriors, headlong on the foe bear down impetuous!” Hespoke, and waving high the mighty rod, 1 tipped wonderful each bull, at which more fierce the creatures bellowed, while enchantment drear de- voured their vitals. And all had gone to wreck in more than mortal strife, unless, like Neptune orient from the stormy deep, I rose, e’en towering o’er the ruins of my fighting troops. Serene and calm I stood, and g around undaunted; nor did aught oppose against my foes impetuous. But sudden, from chariot, purses plentiful of fudge poured forth, and scattered it amain o’er all the crowd contending. As when old Catherine or the careful Joan doth scat- ter to the chickens bits of bread and crumbs frag- mented, while rejoiced they gobble fast the proffered scraps in general plent and fraternal peace, and ** hush,” she cries, ** hush! hush!" CHAPTER XXXT. THE BARON ARRIVES IN ENGLAND—THE COLOSSUS OF RHODES COMES TO CONGRATULATE HIM—GREAT RE- JOICINGS ON THE BARON’S RETURN, AND A TRE- MENDOUS CONCERT—THE BARON’S DISCOURSE WITH FRAGRANTIA, AND HER OPINION OF THE TOUR TO THE HEBRIDES. HaAvine arrived in England once more, the great- est rejoicings were made for my return; the whole city seemed one wo blaze of illumination; and the Colossus of Rhodes, hearing of my astonishing feats, came on purpose to England to congratulate me on such psd geben achievements. But above all other rejoic on a return, the musical ora- torio and song of triumph were magnificent in the extreme. Gog and Magog were ordered to take the maiden tower of Windsor, and make a tambourine or great drum of it. For this purpose they extended an elephant’s hide, tanned and prepared for the de- sign, across the summit of the tower, from parapet to parapet; so that, in proportion, this extended elephant’s hide was to the whole of the castle what the parchment is to a drum; in such a manner that the whole became one great instrument of war. To correspond with this, Colossus took Guildhall | gara?’’ ‘Yes, my lady,” replied I es at such a strange association of ideas); ‘‘I have been, many years ABO, at the Falls of Niagara, and found no more difficulty in swimming up and down the cata- racts, than I should to move a minuet.’’ At that moment she drop a nosegay—‘* Ah,”’ said she, as I presented it to her, “‘there is no great variety in these polyanthuses. I do assure you, my dear Baron that there is taste in the selection of flowers, as well as everything else; and were I a girl of sixteen, I should wear some rose-buds in my bosom; but at five-and-twenty, I think ’twould be more apropos to wear a full-blown rose, quite ripe, and ready to drop off the stalk for want of paar pulled—heigh ho!” ‘* But pray, my lady,” said I, ow do you like the concert?’’ ‘ Alas!”’ said sh languishingly, while she laid her hand on my shoulder, *‘ what are these bodiless sounds and vibration to me? and yet what an exquisite sweetness in the songs of the northern rt of our island; ‘ Thou art gone awa’ me, ary!’ How pathetic and divine the little airs of But never, never can I think of that same Doctor Johnson—that ‘ Constable,’ as Fergus MacLeod calls him—but I have an idea of a great brown full-bottomed wig and a hogshead of porter! Oh! ‘twas base to be treated everywhere with politeness and hospitality, and in return invidi- ously to smellfun them over; to go to the country of Kate of Aberdeen, and Auld Robin Gray, ’midst rural innocence and sweetness, take up their plaids, and dance. Oh! Doctor, Doctor!” “And what would you say, Fragrantia, if you were to write a ‘Tour to the Hebrides?” ‘ Peace to the heroes,’’ replied she, in a delicate and theatrical tone; ‘** peace to the heroes who sleep in the isle of Iona; the sons of the wave, and the chiefs of the The tear of the sympathizing stranger is scattered by the wind over the hoary stones as she meditates sorrowfully on the times of old! Such could I say, sitting upon some druidical heap or tumulus. The fact is this, there is a right and wrong handle to everything; and there is more leasure in t with pure nobility of heart, than with the illiberal enmities and sarcasm of a black- guard.”’ CHAPTER XXXII. A LITIGATED CONTENTION BETWEEN DON QUIXOTE, GOG, MAGOG, ETC.—A GRAND COURT ASSEMBLED UPON IT —THE APPEARANCE OF THE COMPANY—THE MATRONS, JUDGES, ETC.—THE METHOD OF WRITING, AND THE USE OF THE FASHIONABLE AMUSEMENT QUIZZES— WAUWAU ARRIVES FROM THE COUNTRY OF PRESTER JOHN, AND LEADS THE WHOLE ASSEMBLY A WILD GOOSE CHASE TO THE TOP OF PLINLIMMON, AND THENCE TO VIRGINIA—THE BARON MEETS A FLOAT- ING ISLAND IN HIS VOYAGE TO AMERICA— PURSUES WAUWAU WITH HIS WHOLE COMPANY THROUGH THE DESERTS OF NORTH AMERICA—HIS CURIOUS CON- TRIVANCE TO SEIZE WAUWAU IN A MORASS. Tue contention between Gog and wlagog, and Sphinx, Hilaro Frosticos, the Lord ttington, etc., was productive of infinite litigation. the lawyers in the kingdom were employed, to render the affair as complex and gloriously uncertain as possible; and, in fine, the whole nation became inter- ested, and were divided on both sides of the question. Colossus took the part of yon and the affair was at length submitted to the decision of a grand coun- cil in a great hall, adorned with seats on every side, in form of an amphitheater. The assembly a the most magnificent and splendid in the world. A court or jury of one hundred matrons oc- cupied the principal and most honorable part of the amphitheater; they were dressed in flowing robes 0 sky-blue velvet, adorned with festoons of brilliants and diamond stars—grave and sedate-looking ma- trons, all in uniform, with spectacles upon their noses; and opposite to these were placed one hun- dred judges, with curly white wigs flowing down on each side of them to their very feet: so that Solomon in all his glory was not so wise in appearance. Atthe ardent request of the whole empire, I condescended to be the president of the court; and being arrayed accordingly, I took my seat beneath a canopy erected in the center, Before every judge was placed = a square inkstand, containing a pecn of ink, and ns of a proportionable size; and also right before im an enormous folio, so large as to serve for table and book at the sametime. But they did not make much use of their pens and ink, except to blot and be the more ordered that none but the blind should be honored with the employment; so that when they attempted to write an , they uni- formly dipped their pens into the machine contain- ing sand; and having scrawled over a page as they jee 5 desiring them to dry it with sand, would spill half a gallon of ink upon the paper, and there- by daubing their fingers, would transfer the ink to their face whenever they leaned their cheek upon their hands for greater gravity. As tothe matrons to prevent an eternal prattle that would drown all manner of intelligibility, I found it absolutely neces- sary to sew up their mouths; so that between the blind judges and the dumb matrons, methought, the trial had a chance of being terminated sooner than it otherwise would. The matrons, instead of their tongues, had other instruments to convey their ideas: each of them had three quizzes, one quiz pendent from the string that sewed up her mouth, and another quiz in either hand. When she wished to express her negative, she darted and recoiled the uizzes in her right and left hand; and when she esired to express her affirmative, she, nodding, made the quiz pendent from her mouth flow down and recoil again. The trial proeeeded in this man- ner for a long time, to the admiration of the whole empire; when at ee I thought proper to send to my old friend and , Prester John entreating him to forward to me one of the species of wild and curious birds found in his es called a Wau- wau. This creature was brought over the at bridge before mentioned, from the interior of ca, by a balloon. The balloon was placed upon the bridge, extending over the parapets on each side, with great wings or oars to assist its velocity; and under the balloon was placed pendent a kind of boat, in which were the persons to manage the steer- age of the machine, and protect Wauwau. This oracular bird arriving in England, instantly darted through one of the windows of the great hall, and perched upon the canopy in the center, to the ad- miration of all present. Her cackling appeared quite prophetic and oracular: and the first question a to her by the unanimous consent of the matrons and judges was, Whether or not the moon was com of Green Cheese? The solution of this questior was deemed absolutely necessary, be- fore they could proceed further on the trial. Wauwau seemed in figure not very much differing from a swan, except that the neck was not near so long, and she stood after an admirable fashion like to Vestris. She rN Sa cackling most sonorously, and the whole assemb Be pie that it was absolutely necessary to catch her, and having her in their im- mediate possession, nothing more would be requisite for the termination of this litigated affair. For this purpose the whole house rose up to catch her, and approached in tumult, the judges brandishing their pens, and shaking their big wigs, and the matrons quizzing. as much as possible in every direction, which very much startled Wauwau; who clapping her wings, instantly flew out of the hall. The assem- bly an to proceed after her in order and style of recedence; together with my whole train of Gog and agog, Sp , Hilaro Frosticos, Queen Mab’s char- iot, the bulls and crickets, etc., preceded by bands of music; whileWauwau, descending on the earth, ran on like an ostrich before the troop, cackling all the way. Thinking suddenly to catch this ferocious ani- mal, the judges and matrons would suddenly quicken their pace: but the creature would as quickly outrun them, or sometimes away for many miles to- gether, and then alight to take breath until we came within sight of her again. Our train journeyed over a most prodigious tract of country in a direct line, over hills and dales, to the summit of Plinlimmon, where we thought to have seized Wauwau; but she instantly took flight, and never ceased until she ar- ons at the mouth of the Potomac river in Vir- nia. Our company immediately embarked in the ma- chines before described, in which we had journeyed into Africa, and after a few days’ sail arrived in North America, We met with nothing curious on our voyage, excepta gy | island, con ing some ve elightful villages, inhabited by a few whites and negroes: the cane did not thrive there well, on account, as I was informed, of the variety of the climates; the island being sometimes driven up as far as the seat Pome and at other times wafted under the equinoctial. In pity to the poor islanders, I got a huge stake of iron, and driving it through the center of the island, fastened it to the rocks and mud ac the bottom of the sea; since which time the island has become ne We and is well known at present by the name of St. hristopher’s, and there is not an island in the world more secure, Arrivi in North America, we were received by the President of the United States with every honor and politeness. He was pleased to give us all the information possible relative to the w and im- mense regions of America, and ordered troops of the different tribes of the Esquimaux to guide us through the forests in pursuit of Wauwau; who, we at length found, had taken refuge in the center of a morass. The inhabitants of the country, who loved hunting, were much delighted to behold the manner in whic we attempted to seize upon Wauwau; the chasé was noble and uncommon. I determined to surround the animal on every side; and for this purpose ordered the judges and matrons to surround the morass with nets extending a mile in hight; on various parts of which nets the company disposed themselves, _ floating in the air, like so many spiders upon their JOO Gomme ‘S (E@) — eee Se —