Argosy: The Short Story Magazine — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

28 W. S. MONEY “ Because it’s the on’y thing I know of what'll scuttle a wildcat, so it’s just what I want to give ours the needle.” ““Tt?d be more than yer life’s worth to take that scrapper ’ome, Charlie.”’ “Don’t kid yerself, Slim, I’m real desperate. I swear I'll get shut of that flamin’ cat if it’s the last thing I do.” Old Slim has a reputation for being a skinflint and, using the excuse that he could flog it ashore for twenty pounds, he finally let Charlie have it in exchange for five pounds and his parrot. The satisfied buyer considered it would be a bargain if it accom- plished all he anticipated, and, besides, he had grown fond of the amusing and affectionate animal. When he left the ship in London on his way home, he was as happy as a sandboy, sea-bag on one shoulder, monkey on the other, a real Jack-ashore. On rejoining the ship for the next trip, I happened to be in their cabin, sharing a bottle of brown ale with Slim, when in. walks Charlie, looking pleased as Punch and twice as handsome. He slung his bag into a corner. | ** Wotcher, Charlie,”’ Slim hailed him, ravenous with curiosity. ‘“ How’d yer make out with the monkey? ”’ Charlie grinned all over his ugly mug. “ Couldn’t be better, Slim. Blimey, what a caper I’ve ’ad wi’ that basket! ” Still wearing his face-splitting grin, he lugged out a bottle of his own and poured us out a glass apiece. “Well, don’t keep us in agony, yer lousy twirp. What ‘appened ? did yer scupper the cat? ”’ “Not exactly.”” Charlie chuckled mysteriously to create suspense. “Well, what did ’appen, then? ” “Tl tell yer,’ says Charlie. “‘ Yer know, yer can never tell wi animals. When I rolled in the door wi’ that fire-eater, I fully expected to see the cat shoot straight through the winder, glass an’ all. What did ’appen was nothing. If they’d bin ’umans, they’d ’ave said hiya to one another, and before I’d finished me dinner, the wife and kids were in love wi’ ’im, and he were sitting on the hearth-rug delousing the moggie, and she were washin’ “is face. S’fact; true as I’m sittin’ ’ere drinkin’ this ’orrible beer. “It was when Lizzie—I begs ’er pardon, Elizabeth—trips in, that the ruddy balloon went up. I think it must ’ave bin ’er ’air—she’d just ’ad it dyed a coppery colour. Well, Chicko went crackers. He shinned up on the mantelpiece, then straight onto Lizzie’s ’ead, grabs ’old of ’er red ’air, fists and feet full, and, comiclooks.comn