Argosy: The Short Story Magazine — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CAT’ S-PAW Billingsgate porter, with a vague idea of presenting it to his wife’s , _ sister. ‘‘ She’d ‘ave ’er ’ands full learnin’ ’im ’ow to talk proper,” he told us in high glee, hugging himself at the thought of the acidulated, middle-aged maiden’s amazement on being greeted gs a.“ Long-lost, misbegotten son of a blankety-blank diseased sailor’s so-and-so.’ But as events turned out, he had to forego that pleasure for a more enjoyable one. Slim had bought a monkey, a _ long-legged, long-armed comedian that kept us in stitches with its antics. It was quite tame and didn’t have to be confined or fettered in any way, nor did it ever interfere with Charlie’s pet. Then one day, in strolls Tiger, as large as life, but looking a bit” dashed and unwanted; he*d had too much experience of being driven away from the smaller birds. He gave the parrot a scornful glance, vaulted easily onto the settee, and was about to settle down for a nap when he and Chicko sighted each other. Well, you never saw such a shemozzle in all your life. Yelling a simian war-cry, the monkey leapt from the rail of the top bunk, then for a solid minute, all hell broke loose. Suspended in mid air, in the centre of the room, was a large _ blurred sphere, a Catherine-wheel of skin and fur, revolving at supersonic speed, accompanied by the most blood-curdling — screams and chatterings, and what with the parrot squawking hysterically in the corner, the place was an absolute bedlam, a caterwauling cacophony, if ever there was one. Then suddenly the pair made an eight-point landing, to snatch breath and re-form. One moment Tiger was there, the next he — had disappeared. You’ve seen a cat chased by a terrier, streaking along the ground, skittering round corners, and flying up trees at the speed of light? That was Tiger—plus. Phut! he was gone, for good, never to return; and there was his conqueror, bouncing up and down on the settee, chattering to beat the band, like a Zulu warrior doing a victory dance, and Charlie and Slim flaked out on — Px their mattresses, laughing fit to burst. _ After this incident, Charlie grew very thoughtful. He couldn’t do enough for Chicko—practically took charge of him—and ~ eventually he approached Slim with regard to the monkey’s purchase, “Look, Slim,’” he ventured ingratiatingly, “I'll give yer me parrot and a quid for ’im. What d’yer say?” Slim looked at him in surprise. ‘“ What the heck do you want with a monkey, and why pick on mine? ” comichooks. com) .¥ Ss,