The Argosy — page 390: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Parson’s Plitting. 367 Bird as she sat upon the Boughe,” but I could see no trace of wheels in front of the vicarage. The readiest delivery was—ha—hum |! With my little household round me, we anxiously watched and waited. There was not a chair, not a bed, not a scrap of carpet; and the best part of the day had gone. What if we should have to subsist upon the only edible in the garden, some two-year old parsnips, and to sit on the stairs all night. ‘The house looked clean and inviting, having just been thoroughly put in order, and the room in which I write is almost historical: for it was here that the Johnson of the Nineteenth Century, Doctor Samuel Parr, would occasionally come on his ambling pony to smoke a pipe with his great friend, Jack Bartlam, the vicar; and if these old panels could give out a few spirited replies in responsive raps, what energetic protests should I hear from the old Whig Divine! Samuel Parr, like his London prototype, was very fond of good living. Many are the stories about him, and one of my present parishioners remembers him well. Arriving at Warwick early one morning in June from Hatton, he called at a friend’s house and was asked to stay dinner. He accepted as usual, and the host knowing his penchant deferentially inquired what he would like. Quoth the Doctor, crossing his legs and rolling his tongue as if in anticipation of good things to come. ‘*QOh, anything, anything, Iam not a proud man; a loin of veal with plenty of kidney and fat; and have a leg of lamb and mint sauce in case the veal should not be done.” The host was relieved to get off so easily. ‘‘Stay,” lisped the bon-vivant, ‘‘I am not in the least particular, but, in ordering the salmon don’t forget the middle cut ; and I know they grow good cucumbers at Stoneleigh Abbey.” ‘ What about the sweets?” timidly suggested the hostess. ‘* Ah, Madam, I am easily satisfied ;” adding gallantly, ‘‘ we can leave these to the ladies ; variety is charming.” But it seemed in our case, as if we should be compelled to dine with Duke Humphry; and a prolonged fast 1s not perhaps out of place in a benefice worth only sixty pounds a year. Presently, however, advancing slowly up the steep hill, appeared the vans accompanied as before by helpers pressed into service on the way. Profuse apologies were offered for the delay. ‘The railway company had not proved so pliable as had been expected; the vans could not be got off the trucks; no horses could be engaged, &c. The gentleman who looked as if he never properly went to bed, and never completely got up, was emphatic in asserting that such a circumstance had never happened before; and straightway expected letters testimonial for punctuality. ‘Shades of evening close not o’er us,” thought I, as pensioners of the pavé, heavily laden, collided in narrow passages, blundered up steep stairs, deposited culinary articles in bed-rooms, and book-cases in the scullery. “If you are strong, be merciful,” I sighed, as bang would go the cornice of a wardrobe, crack the leaf of a table, and smash the frame of a picture. Fortunately, darkness covers bruises and fractures. Poor fellows ! they did the best they could. EORnnicloooks (C©)