The Argosy, June 1904 — page 83: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

RUMBLE’S “Well sir. [ stood there on that cor- ner, with the snow drifting into my shoes—they were low-quarters, and I had no overcoat, either—looking in at the radiance of a large, red globe, such as apothecaries display. Seemed to kind o° warm me up. “That was the first time I ever paid anv attention to rheumatic remedies. I saw a placard in the window advertising one, and the thing went on to say that a reward of one hundred dollars would be paid for any case which the stuff didn’t cure. ‘My resolution was taken on the in- stant. [ went inside and bought a bottle, paying my last dollar for it, and taking care to get the guarantee form. ‘That was simply a printed slip, but after a cood deal of kicking, the druggist certi- fied in writing on the back of it that he had sold me the medicine, and that [ had bought it with the distinct uwnder- standing that the reward offer was bona fide. * Did I have the rheumatism’? Well, not bad—but I did have a touch of it: in one arm, the result of exposure, and it bothered me a good deal. Got so bad sometimes that I couldn’t sien a cheek for my office rent. * But of course aman wouldn't spend his last dollar to cure a trifling ailment like that. Not at all. I had a scheme. J intended to use the medicine, declare it had not cured me (I had no idea that it would) and then demand the hun- dred plunks. “Fake offer? Why, of course it was, and I knew it. But suppose, when they refused to pay the reward, I should en- ter suit? “fT was a lawyer, remember, and suit wouldn't have cost me a penny—and im- avine the lot of bad advertising I could have given them! Would they stand for having it declared in the publie prints that L, Rumble, a reputable attorney, had brought suit against them because they had “not fulfilled their contract of cure? { was betting my last dollar that they wouldn't.” “ Blackmail,” escaped in a whisper from the thin man, with the smoke of his cigarette. “ Have you ever been hungry?” Rum- ble inquired, turning on him sharply. PRODUCED BY UNZ.ORG RHEUMATIC REMEDY. 3ut nothing could long ruffle his serenity, and he continued: “Well, E went home—to my office- residence, that is—threw Volume XAL into my rusty old heater (the weather was bitter cold; I had started on Vol- ume X only the day before) and took a big dose of the medicine. “And the blamed stuff cured! At least the pain in my arm disappeared, and aficr | had taken the whole bottle, it didn’t come back. “But I wouldn’t give up—that’s never been Rumble’s way. There was an old colored porter in my building—old Unele Jim, we called him—and ‘Uncle Jim had the rheumatism so bad that his hands looked like birds’ claws. In the mean time, | had won a suit in a justice court, (What? Yes—the lawyer on the other side was sick), and had collected a fee of three dollars. “FT went back to that drug store, bought another bottle of the stuff, took the guarantee as before, and commenced work on Uncle Jim. Ought to have started on him in the first place. * My persistence was rewarded. The old darky smacked his lips every time [ gave him a dose, but it didn’t do his ‘rheumatiz’ a bit of good. “ T was just about to make my demand for the reward (in the name of Uncle Jim) when I happened one evening to go into the store where I had bought the medicine. Went in to warm up, to tell the truth ’—with a look of defiance toward the thin man. “While I was there, I got to thinking how strange it was that the medicine had cured me so quickly and completely and hadn’t benefited Uncle Jim at all— and while I was thinking, my eyes roved around to the shelf from which I had seen the clerk take the bottles. “J noticed that where my bottle had stood, there was a broad stain on the shelf, and that just above it was an open pipe, still dripping with a brown- ish, viscid liquid. And then I remem- bered that my bottle had been very much stained—that 1t seemed to have been at some tune opened and then re- corked. “A clue? It looked mightily like it to me, and I’ve never made a study of deductions, cither. 569 TOO < S C@ ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED