Amazing Stories, Vol. 2, No. 1 — page 56: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

d HICKS’ INVENTIONS WITH A KICK ing-table is rather novel. I believe that in intro- ducing this feature, I have given the world some- thing totally new and pregnant with large possibil- ities. This system of spouts is not, as you might think, stationary, but also revolves the same as the table.” Seeing the look of doubt in my eyes, he took hold of one of the spouts, gave it a jerk, and I saw the whole array of spouts file past me swiftly and noiselessly. “I can tell you that to figure out how to make these spouts rotate and still keep a perfectly tight connection with the supply-pipe go- ing to each was some job, but I did it. I may add that I have made these sliding connections particu- larly tight, making them stand a pressure of 300 lbs. per inch under actual test, while 200 lbs, is the maximum pressure they will ever have to stand.” I admit that I began to feel rather small before this man and I was sorry for having spoken so inconsiderately to him that morning. However, he seemed to have forgotten that. “O’Keefe, old boy, I wanted to show yow this, because, at the time of my misapplied efforts in literature, you listened to me with patience and your criticism was honest, inasmuch as you told me that my productions were rot.” I stuttered a protest, but he would have none of it and went on: “That was your opinion and I agree with you; that stuff was rot. But now I feel that I have entered the field belonging to me and I want you to be the first and only man to have seen my Self- ~ Serving Table before its introduction to the pub- lic. And speaking of this, I want you to be pres- ent at that first introduction. On Wednesday of next week I shall give the initiating dinner of the Self-Serving Dining-Table to a very few selected friends. I want you to be present, and I want you to bring one of your friends or relatives along, some one on whom you would like to bestow a par- ticular favor, for,’”’ he added modestly, “I believe that I am justified in designating this opportunity as a favor, since it regards an event of no incon- siderable importance in the annals of Modern Progress.” Assembling the Company I THANKED him and went home. I was a bit dizzy at first, but I felt a better and a bigger man. That man Hicks surely was one who had hitherto missed his calling. Think of those ideas of his! It certainly took a mind to conceive of piping the soup right to your plate direct from the kitchen! And how he had it all figured out! Steam-engine! Throttle-levers! Fifty lbs. pres- sure in the liquid vessels! Direct Heating through Coils of Seamless Drawn Brass Tubing! That man certainly had the inventive genius. It imme- diately occurred to me to invite to the extra place accorded me my spinster aunt Zelinda. Perhaps ' I would have given the preference to Helen Borden, for she was the prettiest girl I knew and she seemed to take considerable interest in me, but I thought I ought to give aunt Zelinda the chance. I wasn’t thinking of the money she had the inten- tion of leaving me. It was a neat little sum, but I am not built that way. I only thought that aunt _ Zelinda being the older and also a relative of mine, Paw 4 * . er 7 . ge ae = a > ~—_——— 4 ee et a Gs a ie ae ee a | a a er a eee ee —y ee 55 I ought to give her the preference. Besides, aunt Zelinda took a great interest in all such things and I knew it would please her. I decided to bring her along. On Wednesday of the following week, at the appointed hour of half-past six, a select company of eight persons assembled in the drawing-room of ‘my friend, the inventor Hicks. There was, besides myself, his moneyed uncle, Mr. Jeremiah MecQuin- cey, a widower. He was a shriveled little old man who looked so sour that you felt sure, in looking at him, that he could easily have held his own with a keg full of vinegar. There was Hicks’ sister, a fat young matron of perhaps thirty-five, with her still fatter husband, Mr. W. D. Smith. I am not giving a fictitious name; his name really was Smith. There was also Hicks’ grandmother, Mrs. Daniels; and there was another lone bachelor like myself, Tom Irvine, who had been a mutual school- mate of Hicks and myself. Then, of course, there was my aunt Zelinda, and I. The company being all assembled, the inventor rose. Dressed in his‘evening suit, with a large front of starched linen, he looked imposing. My aunt Zelinda could not take her eyes off him. “What a splendid-looking young man he is!” said she. “Any one can tell he is a writer, or an in- ventor, or something, seeing that wonderful fore- head.” The man with that wonderful forehead ad- dressed the company. In a few introductory words he explained to them that they were to take dinner to-night under unusual circumstances. He had, he said, informed them when he extended the invita- tion that he would show them his newest invention and his masterpiece. But he had not told them that they were to be helped to their dinner by the agency of that invention. Briefly he sketched the basic idea of the Self-Serving Dining-Table. “And now,” he finished, “let me demonstrate the principal working parts of my invention to you, as it were, on the ground.” Whereupon he conducted the party into the kitchen and showed them the steam-engine boiler and large fluid-food vessels, and discoursed on the advantages of his system in a manner similar to the one he had given me. I must say that the more I saw of that machinery, the more I was impressed. As for my aunt Zelinda, she was simply delighted at the idea. In fact, everyone was surprised ex- cept uncle Jeremiah, whose only reason for coming to his nephew’s dinner was to save the money for a meal. Now be began to have misgivings as to whether he would get his money’s worth with this new-fangled contraption. I mean the worth of the money he had figured on saving. Some Introductory Remarks by the Inventor HE real surprise, of course, awaited the party in the dining-room, where Hicks asked them to seat themselves at the table, while he explained and propounded its theory and practice, instruct- ing them in the use of the throttle, the brake levers, and the liquid-food spouts, of which there were six, for hot-water, ice-water, tomato-soup, coffee, tea and cocoa. On the table proper and in the second story, as comicbooks:com