Western Story Magazine, May 12, 1934 — page 131: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Cowboy Lingo sheep.” One puncher said of an- other that the latter was “so ugly the flies wouldn’t light on him”; another likewise described a cook as being “‘so narrow between the eyes he could look through a keyhole with both eyes at once.” Anything large is “bigger’n an eight-mule baggage wagon,” “bigger than a load of hay,” or “y’u couldn’t crowd it into a wagon box.” An extra large covering for an object “covers it like a carpet,” and an un- usually large man is “big enough to hunt bears with a switch.” A fat person “shore has tallow” or is “so fat you’d have to throw a dia- mond hitch to keep him in the saddle.” Losing flesh is “gettin’ rid of yo’ leaf lard,” “‘fallin’ off like per- simmons after a frost,” and if one loses much weight, he is said to be “settin’ as thin as a cow in April,” or as “poor as a whip’o will.” A very thin person is said to be “so thin y’u can’t hit him with a handful of corn.” Often we’ve heard the expressions: “He has to stand twice to make a shadow.” ““He’s so narrow he could take a bath in a shotgun barrel.” “If he’d close one eye, he’d look like a needle.” On a Texas ranch we once heard a puncher say of a certain thin comrade that “he’s so long he has to shorten his stirrups to keep from wearin’ his boot soles out.” Of a very short person it is said that “he has to borrow a ladder to kick a gnat on the ankle,” or “he drags the ground when he walks.” A short ob- ject is often expressed as being “as short as the tail hold on a bear.” ‘We once heard a cowboy who was feeling badly declare that he “felt like the frazzled end of a misspent life.” In speaking ef others who looked _ or felt badly, he was apt to say: . “he looks like a motherless WS—9B 129 calf,” “‘he’s off his feed,” or “he looks so bad his ears flop.” A weak person is said to be “pa- per-backed.” It is also said of a puny person that “he can’t lick his upper lip,” “he’s so puny he couldn’t ~ pull off my hat,” or “he’s so weak a kitten is robust beside him.” “Bud” Cowan once told us of a “lunger” visiting his ranch in search of health and he ended his description of the invalid by saying: “His lungs wasn’t stronger than a hummin’ bird’s, an’ he didn’t have wind enough to blow out a lamp.” In speaking of people who get along harmoniously, the cowboy is apt to use such expressions as: “They get along like two shoats in the same pigpen.” “They have no more trouble than between a kitten an’ a warm brick.” “They get along like two pups in a basket.” His idea of any objects or persons being thick is “as thick as cloves on a Christmas ham,” “as thick as feathers in a pillow,” or “thick as hossflies in May.” Of a certain spurred and chapped Damon and Pythias they were said to be “thicker’n splatter.” People who are looked upon as meddlers and “horn in” on things that do not concern them are said to be “feedin’ off their range” and are called “wedgers in,” “Paul Prys” or “eyeballers.”’ The cowboy may speak of an un- happy person as being as “sad as a bloodhound’s eye,” “happy as a hog bein’ dragged away from a feed trough,” or speak of that individual as “his luck was runnin’ kinda muddy” or that some one or some- thing had “swiped the silver linin’ off his cloud.” We heard a weather- beaten cow-puncher, in telling of an incident that touched his heart, say, “IT didn’t shed no tears but I damned near choked to death.” At another Gomichbookssco