Puck — January 23, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

EN Mr. Hankinson - Boom- whifter went to Europe with his family last spring, a friend presented one of his daughters with a pet dog about two months old, He was a cute little fellow, and created any amount of merriment, by his quaint antics on the ship, un- til almost every other young woman envied Miss Han-, kinson - Boomwhifter her merry quadruped. The dog’s name was a a very long undulating, scraggy German word with prongs on it, But he was only called by the first syllable, it being the intention of the owner to add a syllable as the dog increased in size, just to see if the canine would ever be large enough to wear it all at once. The dog capered about so lively in the cabin that many passengers thought he was enjoying a fit. He would take a long run, and keep increasing his speed until he would go off his fect entirely and slide along the floor on his spinal column. All the dog seemed to care for was eating, It seemed impossible to satisfy him; and he began growing so rapidly, that many persons ventured the opinion that the dog was smaller than his appetite, and was increasing in size as fast as possible, in a wild effort to catch up to it, if possible, Some days the owner would add two syllables of the big Ger- man word to the dog’s abridged name, and it began to look as though the animal would shortly bear its name in full, and have the growing capacity to enjoy another hitched to it with a hyphen. When the ship reached Rotterdam, it was found necessary to remove the dog’s collar, lest it suddenly grow too small and choke him. Whenever he howled, it was because of his growing pains, which must have been intense, When he would lie on the rug, and stretch, you could tell he was not clastic, because he would remain the length to which he stretched. At the hotels he fast became a nuisance, because he frightened peo ple by his wild pranks, and was much too large for a pet dog. But the Misses Hankinson-Boomwhifter thought him as lovely as a dog could possibly be. Having won every syllable of his name without an effort, it was determined to call him simply Jim. While out walking in Antwerp, Jim upset a policeman, and was out of sight before that indignitary could regain his feet. He was always in some mischief, and always keeping the Hankinson-Boumwhifters in a worry that he do some damage. Still he kept on growing, until the head of the family thought of taking him along on their journcy in a big box. Medora Hankinson-Boomwhifter would not listen to this. She would n’t be so inhuman as to cage a lively growing dog in a box that he might outgrow at any moment, and be crushed to death through not being strong enough to burst it open when it closed in on him. Jim grew more and more unmanageable, He was worse in Dresden than in Brussels; and worse in Munich than in Dresden and Brussels put together. Mr. Hankinson-Boom- whifter was literally beside himself whenever he saw or thought of Jim, Finally he could stand him no longer. So one morning, while looking out of his hotel window in Vienna, the city of the schnitzel and the turquoise sausage, Mr. Hankin- son-Boomwhifter conceived a bloom- ing rosy idea, and said to himself: “1 will take Jim out for a walk, and lose him!” After luncheon he asked his daughters if they did n’t think Jim needed some exercise, ‘They had to admit that they thought he did, for at that very moment he was running over the bed, and jumping from one trunk to another like an ibex. So Jim was taken into the open air, and down to a leading thorough: fare, where he was led into the crowd by his now delighted owner, who slipped into a café, and was thus separated from the dog. When he got back to the hotel alone, he was so happy that happi- ness was no name for it. _ But he pretended he was broken-hearted on account of the loss of Jim in a great howling city. When he made known his misfortune, his daughters cried and had hysterics in t “Oh, we ‘Il never see him again!” wailed Medora, “And he will have an awfal time!” sobbed Myrtill does n’t understand a word of German, except his ex-name. PUCK. 365 “Oh, what shall we do, what shall we do?” moaned Mrs. Hankin- son-Boomwhifter, wringing her hands in despair. “1 don’t know !”” replied her husband, with all the sadness he could command. “Why don’t you advertise a reward for him?” they all asked. “never thought of that be- fore,” he replied. So that very day a reward was offered in one of the papers. On the following day, Mr. Hankinson-Boomwhifter was real- ly sadder than all his family to- gether had been on the previous day. But he bad to smile and skip about like a schoolboy on Friday afternoon, when he put the reward of twenty-five dollars into the hand of the man who brought Jim back safe and sound. And he was howling within like a maniac at the idea of being compelled to pay a reward for the return of the dog he purposely lost, although he smiled a smile of imitation joy while Jim climbed up his shirt-front and sent his teeth rippling through Mr. Hankinson-Boomwhifter’s raw sienna whiskers. RK AM, A SOCIETY SURPRISE. Miss Cutture.—-I had no idea you were English, Mr. Standish; 1 thought you were an American Mr. Stanoist.— I am an Miss Cunrure.— Indeed ! an Englishman. Englishman born and bred. You speak remarkably good English for BLESSED ARE THE MEEK, FOR THEY SHALL HAVE A BOOM. Tue Rey, Dr. Lastiy.— Sad indced it is, Brother, that your efforts should bring down such abuse upon your head. Tue Evrror-Cotonet.— H-m! | try to bear it with Christian resig- nation, Doctor. It helps to bring the IWail of Distress before the eyes of the ungodly, and — really, you have no idea how our circulation is increasing ! EARLY EDUCATION. SALESMAN. —What can [do for you, Madam ? Mrs. Str nerstein.— I aind buyin’ noddings. Leedle Saul's Popper said I should pring him down unt see der cash fly arount fer an objecdt lesson!