Puck — December 3, 1879 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. ] ‘Supplies the very fi polics the very ad at wholesale prices; also samples by ‘TIMOTHY STEVENS, Proprietor. juuzs Cravaris’s Clarets; Maxerr & Co's. rAN-LAURANCE Champagnes; Macxmnzim & Co's. THE BODECA, 83 Ondar Street & 351 Broadway, N. ¥, @. H. MUMM & C0,'S CHAMPAGNE. importation 1x 1878 35,906 Cases, or 16,270 cases more than of any other brand. JONES NEW AND ELEGANT WINTER GOODS. Hovsarummsmme Goons, * * * JONES * AnD Nineteenth Street. Nineteenth Street. * JONES ,* SUITS & CLOAKS. SHAWLS, FURS, &e. man, are for Hop Bitters, using them as A CONUNDRUM. A man who may have a vague idea that the divine -afflatus makes up a portion of his con- tents recently delivered himself of the following bit of idyllic stuff: In all the land the wheat fields stand, Golden ripe and fair to see, And bending low the reapers go, ‘Swinging their cradles mernily— ‘All but Rupert—why not he ? We recommend to Messrs. Hanlan and Courtney that in their next race, should they have one, they adopt the new paddle used for the first time by a young man in Rhode Island, viz., a shot-gun. “Because it killed the young man is certainly no proof that he was not mak. ing good time with his new motor. We again recommend this paddle to the champions.— Boston Transcript. A Eureka (Nev.) coroner, after summoning a jury and over a corpse swearing the same, re- marked: ‘ Gentlemen, if you have any doubts as to the man being dead, just walk down to the Doctor’s office and examine his heart, which has just been removed.” ‘The jury with one accord came to the conclusion without fur- ther evidence that the man was defunct.— Vir- Sinia (Nev.) Enterprise, ~ We have received a paper with a double- leaded editorial, which begins: ‘I hope you agree with me that wars are unnecessary, ineffi- cacious, absurd, expensive, demoralizing, inhu- man and unchristian, and that they should be abolished.” We do, we do. Especially ex- pensive, And besides, people are liable to get killed in wars, Look at the Peru-Chilian war, for instance. That war can’t be prosecuted a week at a time without some one getting hurt, and it might just as well be abolished. It is absurd, if not inhuman, If the English, who now have a few unnecessary wars on hand, will bring them over to our office, we'll do all in our power to abolish them. We haven't time to go across the water and embark in the abol- ishing business, The editorial from which we quote also thinks ‘‘ men should be as ready to adopt substitutes for war as they are now to frame apologies for them.” They are; but, dear sir, ‘substitutes make poor soldiers.” They jump the bounty, and thus prolong the war. Don’t let us encourage substitutes, Their charges are too outrageously high.— Norristown Herald, WEBER, MANUFACTURER OF GRAND, SQUARE and UPRIGHT rPLAWO S. Prices reason Terms cacy. It is a lie all the way through. In the first place wheat fields are not standing in all parts of the land, There are none, for instance, in the City Hall Park, and we venture to assert that there are none on Broadway or Fifth avenue. The conundrum of the poem, how- ever, is that if Rupert is the only one absent, why is this the case? He may possibly be laboring under a spell of sickness incident to attending a Robinson mass meeting; he may be at home reading up on the Zulu war; or pos- sibly he has got a boil on his neck and can’t look straight ahead, without lying on his side and putting one foot against the wall. ‘Then again it is highly probable that he is interviewing some editor for the purpose of informing him how his paper ought to be run, or he may be surrounded by charts and atlases in a wild endeavor to probe the awful mystery surrounding the Hanlan-Courtney match. It is very wrong for a poet to break off so abruptly and in such an unsatisfactory manner, The pale-faced maiden with blue eyes, gold hair, a love of decorative art, a languid, sym- pathetic smile and a lap-dog, who has been thrown into a languorous dolce far niente fit over the mystery, has our profoundest sympathy. And, after all, perhaps Rupert doesn’t believe in men swinging cradles, and kept away to escape.—W. ¥. Star, Turicicle now taketh the place of the bycicle. —Toronto Graphic, Tue true humorist is always silent and grave when he relates or reads what purports to be funny.—Rochester Express. THE expert who does not regard every other expert as a most unmitigated ass is no expert at all—J. ¥. Commercial Advertiser. A sueep was found frozen to death, on Wed- nesday morning of last week. Pretty early in the season for frozen wether.— Whitehall Times. . PEACE appears to be restored in Colorado just as often as the Indians can catch a soldier ‘out alone, But the soldier is never restored.— Burlington Hawkeye. Wuo wouldn't rather be President than be right? Come, now, no shirking around. The salary of the President is $50,000 per year; the of being Fight is all the way from $15 per month down to splitting wood for a cold dinner. —Free Press. Puck has made a careful study of Shakspere, but has failed to discover that Macbeth was a hen-fancier and Macduff a hen, which the text clearly proves: “Lay on, Macduff."—Boston Fost, After a thing has been discovered about eleven thousand million times Puck doesn’t trouble itself to “discover” it again.—New Haven Register. In’s an affecting sight, to see two young men, only about twenty or twenty-five years of age, in soldiers’ blue on our streets, turning a hand- organ and collecting nickels on this gala day. It is all the sadder when it is remembered that the war closed fifteen years ago, and at the time when these veterans fought and bled for their country they could not have been more than five or ten years of age.— Chicago Journal, oy AREROOMS, 5th Ave. and West 16th St., New York. 909 BROADWAY 909 Near 20th Street. CARAMELS 4 SPECIALTY, Fine Bonbons unexcelled for Excellence of Flavors and quality. NEW FRENCH FRUITS. VANILLA MOLASSES CANDY. Large Assortment of Fancy Boxes and Baskets. Favors for the German of my own Importation. E. CREENFIELD. GREATEST POE STORE watt: ure. Almost given fiction free. Immense away. Catalogue of General Literatu: Inducements to Book Clubs and Libranes. LEGCAT BROS. | ‘3 BEEKMAN ST., OPP. POST-OFTICE, EW YORK. $777 ‘Adarees B6° CEERY Aageata i Maine comicbooks.com