Puck — September 24, 1879 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. NOT Z7HE/R’ SEASON. Mr. Micrator SNipe:—Hump yourself, Anna Maria, hump yourself. Seems to me I heard a gun. A DINNER DUETTO. i) Of Iss METWITH to Frank Arnold said, In accents soft, caressing, «Play Pollux to that Castor, dear, And let me have some dressing.” Said he, Your dressing ’s scant enough, Tl gladly give you more, love.” She answered: “ 'Tis a paradox How bluntness, flat, can bore, love.” “ Ha, ha!” he laughed, « That's quite well put; May Heaven strike me dumb, Bat Sarah Metwith ’s giving birth To sharp Sal Atticum!” Said she: « When at the altar we Woo Cupid’s coy devices. ‘Though you kneel down Frank Arnold, love, ‘A Benedict Arnold rises.” «Tt may be Pll a traitor prove, But Pat defines a traiter As ¢a foine old Irish gintleman ‘That's ginerous wid the cratur.’” “Speaking of craters, dear,” said she— «« Now prithee do not say no— ‘There’s one I wot, like Tophet hot, In a queer gal-ic volcano.” « You mean this Arab Bernhardt, dear— Small her desert, in truth! Who gossip doth dare in London fair, And boldly keeps a Booth.” «<The French,” mused he, “ must backward be With Thalia as with Mars; At least so I astrologize By the pose of their chief stars.” « But come,” he cried, “I'll drink to love, Soft beauty, youth, and yet, with- -al, this trinity of charms Will soon cease to be Metwith.” “My dear,” said she, speak carefully; Remember you have dined Just now; like muscovado prime, You are sweet but unrefined.’ ‘Then soon she lost her temper, and Calling him: “ Horrid foo! She rose two feet from off the floor— ‘And placed them on a stool. A. Loxc-FEttow. LITERARY NOTE. We have overhauled ‘The Earl of Mayfield,” a novel recently published by Messrs. J. B. Peter- son & Brothers, of Philadelphia. The book isn’t half bad of its kind; indeed, some of the cha- racters, especially that of Mary Stuart, are well enough drawn to show that the author was not destitute of graceful ideas, CONVENIENT. neti Se Mr. Micrator Snipe.—Anna Maria, we'll just settle down here, I guess, till the Florida season opens. FITZNOODLE IN AMERICA. No. CVI. HIS VIEWS ON MATRI- MONY. Yaas, Jack says that a gweat num- bah of my admir- wahs are verwy de- sirwous of acquir- wing some ideah of my opinions on the subject of getting marwied, aw matwi- : mony. Don’t know, I'm sure, if the expwession of them will go verwy extensively towards ameliorwating the condition of the human wace. But, 1 suppose, the main object is to learn how a Fitznoodle weasons, which is, of course, a verwy differwent pwocess fwom that of an ordinarwy fellaw-cweachah, I have fwequently weferwed to a young lady named Miss Marguerwite, whose acquaintance I made a considerwable time ago. Although it is considered indifferwent form to say much about spooning or making oneself excessively agreeable to the softah sex—not dignified altogethah, ye know—still, as _mar- wiage is almost a necessarwy evil, Isuppose I may make a wemark or two, as along time will pwob- ably clapse befaw it entirely goes out of fashion. Aw, ye see, some men cawn’t marwy—cawn’t afford to keepawife. She’s a gweat deal maw Spetive than a yacht or a fai-ah stable. Be- sides, she verwy often wants the yacht and horses too. So, in the aggwegate, the amount necessarwy to carwy on the establishment is quite considerwable. But aw considerwations of this kind do not bothah me. I nevah think about anything so pwactical aw twivial as pecuniarwy matters, Too much of a baw. It is immaterwial to me—always has been, ye know—in what quartah of the globe [ weside, orhow many differwent establishments 1 keep up. But at pwesent I am just waverwing as to whethah I shall weally pwopose to Miss Mar- guerwite, or weturn to Eurwope and aw marwy somebody in my own set. Perwhaps marwiage would have the effect of impwoving me, if that were possible; but then it might be awkward having an Amerwican wife. I don’t know how some of my pweju- diced welatives would tweat her, and Miss Mar- guerwite is of too high a spirwit to b-b-bwook anything in the shape of snubberwy. ‘Aw and even if they were favorwably im- pwessed with her, it is aw, ye know, just possi- ble that she might not weturn the compliment, and feel like a wed herwing or othah descwip- tion of fish out of watah. Devilish awkward to come to any wesolution in the affai-ah. I think befaw pwoposing I shall wite to Man- deville—Manchester's son, ye know—and learn what pwogwess his Amerwican wife makes in appweciation of Bwitish mannahs and customs and society aw. Thea-ah, howevah, fwom severwal of my fwiends who affect Wales's set that the fellaws who have honahed Amerwican gyurls by mar- wying them have not, on the whole, any parti- culah weasons to be dissatisfied with their aw fai-ah bargain. They have behaved themselves tolerwably well, and have done nothing outwé, and have fallen quite naturwally into our style of doing things, in some instances as if they had been accustomed to it fwom a verwy early perwiod in their historwy aw. - Perwhaps in my next I may have something to say about the mannah in which a fellaw may expect to pass the season he-ah in New York. —I mean if he is f-f-fool enough to continue to weside in such a place aw, comichooks.