Puck — August 6, 1879 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. 349 Tue sea-serpent has relieved a great deal of suspense by turning up in the Gulf of St. Law- rence. Here is a chance for Long Branch; if his snakeship can only be attracted thither, the purpose of the pier may be accomplished after | hang all.—Coney Island News. Since the advent of green apples and skele- ton peaches, the blithesome undertaker has lifted the mortgage on his house, given his hearse a fresh coat of varnish, and bought his wife and daughter new Dolly Varden dresses. —Chicago Com, Advertiser. ‘Tue rumor that Talmage, Beecher, Blaine and Ben Butler ave the husband of Sarah Bernhardt probably has no foundation in fact, though they do say Tilton is looking the thing up in Europe and has already secured thirteen tons of letters. God bless Theodore!—Oi/ City Derrick, A STILLWATER git seeing Puck's picture for the first time in the paper of that name, said: “Oh, I know him. He lives on Third Street, and goes in swimming among the rafts over on the Wisconsin side every Saturday.—Stidiwater (Afinn,) Lumberman. Ir is easily explained why our new crop of poets don’t write as well as Longfellow, Holmes, Whittier and Emerson, They are afraid Wyatt Eaton will engrave their portraits for Scribner's Magazine, \t is very unright for a leading American mugazine to discourage poetic genius that way.— Norristown Herald. Tue heat in St. Louis is still so intense that the Post-Dispatch of that city, when clipping a dozen paragraphs from this column, hasn’t sufficient strength to affix credits to them. We * shall hope for more creditable things from the P-D. when the temperature assumes its normal condition.— Norristown Herald, Genera Grant is a great man. He writes us that after a careful computation he has as- certained that the drinking places in New York, if set in one street, would extend seventeen miles, and those in London seventy-three miles, He facetiously adds a postcript saying he would like to enter a walking-match on that London street. He thinks he could make the seventy- three miles in seventy-three quarter minutes, and lap a little of the ardent at each place.— Oil City Derrick, Lazity swinging in the hammock, beneath the shade of the great elm tree, reading the | the hours away, isn’t she a picture of contentment? | Ag™ But it is safe to wager that she is mad, mad clean through, because her “ pa” wouldn’t pay the bills for a Saratoga trip, but summered in the country, where all the music heard is the “So Boss” and ‘‘Haw Gees” of the overgrown farmer's lad, and the cuisine consists of “biled dinners” and “picked up codfish,” fresh from the vines—New Haven Register. THE young woman who desires to have her- self published in the newspapers as “‘ fascinat- ing, beautiful and accomplished,” will please pack up her clothes in a dirty towel, crawl out of the back up-stairs window, some dark, rainy night, and elope with the man who curries her dad’s horses. It’s a big price to pay for com- pliments, but it will bring them just as certain as a dirty-rain water barrel will beget mosqui- toes in July.— Waterloo Observer. Two brothers named Wells, in Indiana, quarreled about a young lady who had encou- raged the visits of both, and one inserted a bul- let in the shoulder of the other. No amount of money could induce us to quote Pinafore— “Sorry her lot who loves two Wells”—in this connection. We shall not do it—Norr, He- rald, Neither would it be right to quote: “She loved not wisely, but two Wellses.” It’s got to be either ungrammatical or un-punable—Phila, Bulletin, RULES FOR ARCHERY. Here and there an archer or an archeress ob- tains printed rules and instructions to guide the game, b but the great majority string up the bow, ip the target, and whang away without intelligence. The following rules will apply to all and in every locality: Don’t attempt to hold the bow in both hands when you shoot. If you shoot over the target, lower it. If you shoot under it, have it elevated. When you miss the target and plow a furrow along a boy's scalp, tally two, one for the scalp and one for the boy. Either close both eyes or keep both open when you shoot. Some favor one method and some the other, but odds is the difference, as long as your father employs a glazier by the month, Don’t attempt a curve-shot. The arrow is as apt to come down on the baby’s head as else- where, Some girls squint up one eye and hang out their tongue when they pull a bow. This is not absolutely necessary to a line shot, though it does look romantic. | There is no particular distance to be ob- served, but the nearer the target you stand, the more chance you have of hitting some one across the street in the eye. A centre shot is called a “‘duffer;” missing the target is called a “lone hand;” hitting the horse-barn is termed a “phoopee;” missing the barn and shooting your aunt's spectacles off her nose is called “ Tom-tom,” shooting across a young man’s shoulder is known as“snufiles;”” sitting down and shooting backwards over your head is known as “ bluffing the game,” and holding a spy-glass up to get aline shot is called “mashing the mark.” —Delroit Free Press. Let it be remembered that the Hull mur- derer had a beautiful head. ‘The phrenologist himself hath said it. The bump man never makes a mistake. If he is led astray by the size of a bump, he gerbe himself by its quality. When he finds a 1 with a head as big as Webster’s, he says it is not so level or fine.— XV. O. Picayune. ANGOSTURA BITTERS Tonto of exquisite flavor now over Diarrhea, Fever and ve Srp, Hancos, U- Bola Agent, 81 Broadway, P- O. Bot, 310, N.Y. City. POND’S EXTRACT is the greatest known remedy for curing diseases of an inflammatory character and stopping hemor- thages. No household should be without it. Happiness goes hand in hand with health, therefore ths beneficent agent does much for the people in never failing to inspire the afflicted wit cheerful confidence, Where iti used in a family It appreciated, because it does so much for its comfort. It is truly an exalted physician which never fails, Beware of imitations. Get the feautne. Take no other. BOZODONT. To preserve the teeth and keep them pure ‘and white, to prevent their decay, there is no preparation in the market equal to SOZODONT. To preserve the gums in a natur- ally hard and healthy condition, there is n0 superior to SOZO- DONT. To purify and sweeten the breath there is no rival to SOZODONT. For a perfect mouth there is no recipe like the use of SOZODONT. Consequently 1 is no wonder that the populanty of SOZUDONT as a dentifrice has no bounds. All Druggists keep it. Beware of Counterfeits and Imitations} BOKER’S BITTERBS. ‘The best Stomach Bitters known, containing most vale able medicinal properties in all cas of Bowel complaint: c against Dyspey cordia inte ted pare, = er cordials, wines, &c. Comparatively the Seager phere is Gooch. L FUNKE, Jr., Sale Agest, P. 0, Box 1029, 78 Joba St, N.Y. $77 A YEAR and ts. Outht Pree. ‘Address P, O. VICKERY, Augusta, Maine. Acrostic by the PoetLaureate. Cheerful tidings! Chills are banished! Mail clastic strength and youtnt Into naught our woes are Yenisbed, Rone abroad the plviews trotht Allene right gh ser Like routed ofa ‘oath regenerate fives Bul adipic oo more roubles waver, dsappea Up the tag ef Chinkayyesat by druggists far and near, _hinkalyptus is yet up in neat destruc tn boxes containing pills at 25 ceuts per box, oF $2.75 for fami Boken, ‘hidvcen & Pavers, Wisin ngeaie Rear veeiee O G. H. MUMM & C0.’ CHAMPAGNE, importation 1x 1878 35,906 Cases, or 16,270 casos more than of any other brand. “PUCK” CIGARETTES ARE FASHIONABLE AT PRESENT. Their quality and make-up outshines all those heretofore used ‘They are made on a new system by B. POLLAK, Manufacturer of NEW YORK, and sold by every first class dealer, SANDITER, DIAMOND v=. MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, NO FANCY PRICES. (LATE GILMORE’S.) Great Success of this Splendid Summer Resort, FLOWERS AND FOUNTAINS, CHANGE OF PROGRAMME NIGHTLY. Sig. Liberati and the Grand Band. H. B, DODWORTH.. +Director POPULAR MUSIC NIGHTLY. ADMISSION 25 CENTS. Patents, Trade Marks are promptly secured by the Patent Office of PAUL GOEPEL, Staats-Zeltung Building, Tryon Row, New York. ADVICE AND PAMPHLET FREE. Goopel’s Classified Trademark-Record open to free in- spection. Publisher of “DER TECHNIKER,” a semi-monthly Journal, in the German Language, devoted to the progress of Science, In- vention and the Trades. Terms of Subscription: $1.40 per year, in Advance, including Postage. Sample copies free. TWO NOSES FOR SALE. ‘SEE: ‘WITTY JEWS AND JEWISH WITS. PRI J 0 AnmROAN 15 CENTS, AT ALL NEWS STANDS. THE TRADE SUPPLIED BY THE NEWS ©O) AT MPANY, New York. comicbooks.com