Puck — July 23, 1879 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

306 PUCK. PUCK. Nos. 21 & 28 WARREN STREET. FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Taurus Jo Susscripens In the United States and Canada. ‘One Copy, one year, or 52 numbers «. One Copy, six months, or 26 number One Copy, three months, or 13 num! SPECIAL NOTICES. sar Remittances by Money Order, etc., are to be addressed to KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN. ‘Wa cannot undertake to retura rqjected communications, and to this rule we can make no exception. ‘Puce is on Sale in London,at the News Agency of Messrs. HENRY F, GILLIG & CO., 449, Strand, Charing Cross, and at THE INTERNATIONAL NEWS COMPANY, 11, Bouverie ‘Street, Fleet Street; in Paris, at TERQUEM'S, 13 Boulevard Poissonaiere, and on file at the ‘* Herald" Office, 49 Avenue de VOpera. In Germany at F.A, BROCKHAUS'S. Leipzig, Berlin and Vienna. CONTENTS. ‘The Great North Polo Match. jPucx's History or Ormscan. Our Latest Hero. Flat Justitia, Ruat Jurymes. A Hero anda Mart Jere le wast (poem)— [ero and a . cal Conclusion (poem ‘Tue S.P. C. A. at Central Park | ED. K. 3 ‘A Summer Pilgrimage. Pizewoosus mv Ananrca.—No, | Clothes and Caresses—il ‘A Little While (poem) —Erratic Enrique Trifles. Ne us. A Natural Thermometer illus. ‘The Unseasonable Poem — C. Evans. er0. No Wonder. ANew Watering Place—Gotem. Rhymes of the Day, VOR THE ‘Writing to Mr. Bergh—itlus. | Justice to the Police, Powder and Patriotism—illus, Gascovea—John Fraser A Carp an’ Teat (poem)—Slow. | Puck's Excuances, cus. THE GREAT NORTH POLO MATCH, T would be well if the elder Bennett could revisit once again these shores, and cast his erstwhile oblique vision upon the inner workings of the great newspaper establishment which he founded, The “old man” was popu- larly supposed to know a great deal about mak- ing a daily paper which would sell. We don’t know that the canny Scot was ever popularly supposed to have any especial principle, social or political, in getting up his journal, “On the contrary, quite the reverse.” But he knew how and where to gather news; wherever any- thing was “going on” he had a chiel takin’ notes, an’ faith he prented them to the great benefit of his personal pocket. But his doughty son and successor is not content with grabbing for news, he goes in for. discoveries, He has already discovered Living- stone, the lost, and the -heart of Africa, and now he is going for the Pole. Why he is going for the Pole is one of those very Fitznoodlish puzzlers which only Puck can find out. The fact is, the Son of his Daddy discovered Polo and trotted it over to the leafy nooks of Jerome Park; and with that queer commixture of Sport, Journalism and Discovey: which rattles behind his os frontis, he has doubtless come to the conclusion that the hitherto undis- covered icicle in the Arctic regions has some- thing to do with prancing on mustangs after a ball—is, in fact, another-sort of Polo. But as Pucx is as fallible as even the Po himself is, this idea of ours may erroneous. aon ears since the Second of his name warmed the cold bellies of the poor with Delmonico soup. It was, a worthy act. Can it not be possible that ever since, during «all the intervening years, he has been asking ‘of his own personal intellectual department the question: ‘If I made the cold warm, can I not make the hot cool?” And then he thought of the Pole, or the Polo; and he became con- foosed, as it were, until he bethought himself that it was Discovery, anyhow, and whether it was Pole or Polo, ice or mustang, he had only to tear leaves on which were big figures from his check-book, and the answer would be forth- coming. And so he is off with an “ Expedition,” and is going to “Explore.” It-is popularly sup- d that he has just arrived in New York to aul over his Hera/d office and officials; that he is laying out new Polo grounds in Newport; that he is paying court to the Crown Princess of Duchy-Delicatessen-and-Blutwurst, whose impecunious Dad has a fancy for the American dollar; that he is the guest of the Duke of Bar- sinister, in England, where he is waiting toshoot in September. These be false reports, dear friends. He is steering his careening craft northward, a little west-by-east, in search of a Pole or a Polo—he doesn’t know which. He pays Ais money, and you can take your choice. If, as promised, the Explorer brings a junk of the Pole to this office, we will issue slices of it, as a supplement, to all our readers—a sort of quintuple Puck. OUR LATEST HERO. HHOUGH Chastine Cox may be hanged for choking the life out of poor Mrs. Hull, there is no doubt that he is thoroughly enjoying himself during his last days on this lobule of the universe. For he is a Hero. fo statesman going to address the Corps Legis- atif—not even Roscoe Conkling preparing to favor the Senate with the “greatest effort of his life’—could pay more attention to his toilet, could groom himself more carefully, than did this dandy darkey murderer when on trial for his life, We heard how he soaped or greased his kinky hair into a degree of smoothness; how it was parted accurately in the middle; of the care with which he adjusted his collar and neck-tie; and how he removed his glistening shirt-cuffs during recess, and when e was not before the public, For the fellow is on exhibition, and he knows and appreciates and enjoys it, He is a Hero and proposes to do as Heroes do, He sucks lemons as he would draw from the silly sympathy of the public which, he complains, doesn’t send him cigars, Before he was a murderer, he would never have expected the people of New York to find him in tobacco; but now he is a Hero, and he calls to the public to bring on their delicacies, He does his part. He is on show, and he gets him- self up “regardless,” If he is henged we expect to hear his smiling last words of assurance that he is going straight to Jesus; that he warns his friends to beware of lovely woman, etc. Anyhow, we know that he will be sobbed over by the loveliest of their sex, will be flowered and feasted and petted ‘until his fate is decided, For is his crime Aés fault? Didn't he come into the world with a homicidal head? Pro- fessor Fowler, and Lawyer Howe, and half-a- dozen doctors, with theories, can easily prove that.a baby coming into the world with such a head. must commit murder, sooner or later. Clearly, then, it is not the fault of Cox. It is the fault of Cox, pére, for. begetting sucha kid without arranging, beforehand, to have him born with a level head. But'as old Cox is sup~ to be non-come-atable, we'll have to go for the old mother. . What business had she to have such:a.son? Hang Aer, and let us keep our Hero, with his hair, his moustache, his lemons and his shirt-cuffs, Heroes are scarce, and so let us cling to ours. Puckeringe, Ir is hot enough for us. His Roman mother made Cato the mark, Bronpin isin Europe. We mean, on his rope, Expert swimmers have a wave doing it gracefully. Tue cherry pie is arrived. ‘Tis true 'tis pitty, pity ‘tis 'tis true. Ninety in the shade does not prevent the rail furnishing slay rides. We sincerely hope that Mr. Chastine Cox's crown of glory will fit him to his satisfaction, Wuat do_you suppose will be the Jeannette proceeds of Mr. Bennett's Arctic investment? Tuere is nothing wilts quicker than over. strung moral courage. Except a white duck vest) We sailed up the Hudson in an_ice-boat yesterday. [A lie, a beastly lie; but don’t you wish it were true ?] “His word is as good as his bond’ is often said of a man whose note won't sell in the market at 25 per cent. Last week there was a meeting of the American Philological Society at Newport, R.I. They must have had a hot spell. Tue popular resorts of the Season having been doing very poorly this season. We pro- phesy a heavy crop of summer-hotel conflagra- tion in September. A witt consisting of only nine words has been admitted to probate in the London courts, You may bet your bottom dollar it wasn’t a woman's will. Ar Coney Island, anyway, we know what the wild waves are saying. They are remarking: “ Forty cents a plate for clams, and three bad ones to the dozen,” A SECOND edition of the Cardiff giant has been discovered up-country, and Capt. Williams is already negotiating for it. He wants some- thing to practice on. Mr. Aucustus SCHELL is reported to have the handsomest pair of suspenders in. town, But perhaps Chastine Cox will be able to beat him on a single string. Tuere is one point of similarity between Captain Williams and Dr. Johnson. \ The Cap tain has always followed the Doctor’s example in liking “clubbable men.” Tuere is an awful pun to be made on the Englishmen. “ toddling ‘in the Zoo”—Zalu— all that ‘sort of thing, y’ know;. but we don’t see how to make it. Left to the next man. Ir Mr, James Gordon Bennett, jr., is really going into the Arctic exploration’ business, we ope he will overshoe [see ?] it himself. [Died, suddenly, of hypertrophy of the jaw, the author of the above paragrap! sf Ir used to be a general complaint against the men on the “finest police force” that they were always off their beat when wanted. No~ body. can Tay that charge at their doors now, They. are eternally on the beat. comiebooks.com