Puck — June 18, 1879 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. THE SIXTY-NINTH AND CANADA. HE officers and men of the Sixty-Ninth N.G.S.N.Y. and their friends have been airing their opinions pretty freely with rej to the propriety of the regiment paying +a friendly visit to Canada on the anniversary of that province becoming a Dominion and prac- tically managing its own affairs. These opinions are not altogether marked by judgment, patriotism, or common sense; indeed, if it wouldn’t rend our heart-strings to say so, we might be inclined to observe, of course in the politest manner possible, and without pre- judice, that the Sixty-Ninth N.G.S.N.Y. is an ass, Why shouldn’t they go to Canada on Do- minion Day and have a jollification with their Canadian brothers? Such an expedition would be ever so much more praiseworthy than the jaunt of Chaplain Beecher’s warriors, better known as the Brook- lyn 13th, to celebrate the birthday of the re- spectable old lady who, by an accident of birth, is the nominal head of the British Empire. Yes, it is a small business, this bogus dignity of this so-called American regiment, the 69th. American regiment, indeed! No American with the faintest semblance of manhood about him would hesitate to grasp the cordially ex- tended hand of fellowship of a citizen of a friendly province, whether that province is or is not under the government of Great Britain. These Irish gentlemen—for we don’t see how we can call them Americans—give two reasons for not wishing to go to Canada. The British rule in Ireland does not quite come up to their standard, and they don’t want to drink the health of Mrs. Queen Victoria and her son, Mr. Wales. If Ireland has any old scores to settle with England, let her do so on her own verdant sod, but count us out of the fun. We don’t want a cel of factious foreigners to come here and involve us in a shindy with agreat and friendly nation—a nation by its industry, enterprise and intellect entitled to more respect than any other half dozen in existence, Ireland included. We haven't devoted much attention of late to Ireland's rights and wrongs. The subject is not an inviting one. We have learnt enough about them, however, to know that Ireland’s so-called wrongs are not a bit worse than France’s wrongs, England’s wrongs, Poland’s wrongs, America’s wrongs, or what every na- tion has suffered at some period of its history. Ireland, however, apparently makes more row about her troubles than all the other coun- tries put together, although she has more liberty than she deserves; and we really can’t blame the great British people for any means they may adopt to keep these turbulent, excitable Celts in order, who want the application of a steel thumb, although they don’t get it. A national Irish government would be a sweet thing in governments. The records of every State and city in the Union will show the nuisance they have been in this country— and Heaven knows they’ve done pretty well as they liked here. As regards the drinking of Mrs. Victoria’s health, any reader of Puck must have discov- ered by this time that we have no respect for this very ordinary old lady or anybody belong ing to her on account of mere artificial rank. We don’t think any member of the House of Brunswick ever was or ever will be worth his salt, The whole box and dice, with their nobles and Established Church, have been a drag on England's prosperity, and nothing but cormo- rants fattening on the public money. Happily they have nothing to do with the government. Bat, just as a rabid Democrat would, as a true American, drink the health of Mr. Presi- dent Hayes, as President, as a compliment to his entertainers, so ought a Sixty-Ninther, if he deserves the name of American citizen, or has ever heard of manners, drink the health of Mrs, Queen Victoria when in a British posses- sion. Not because she labors under the delu- sion that the British Empire is hers, but for the simple reason that the conservative and gene- rous English people choose to put up, for the present, with such a useless, ornamental, anti- quated figurehead, to suit their own purposes. FITZNOODLE IN AMERICA. No, XCII1. SEASONABLE TOPICS, Ya-as, the weathah has been getting aw wathah torwid, Stwange to say, it generwally does at this time of ye-ah, aw verwy much the same in Eurwope— and everwything has been_ languishing and will continue to do so until the majorwity of people bwing their bwains to bear on the desirwability of going into the countwy or to some wegular waterwing places, It is a baw to be tweated to discussions on this subject wherwevah one goes—but I don’t see how it can verwy well be avoided, as there is such a varwiety of places to go to for summah west and wecweation, although aw the gweatah portion are in an exceedingly pwimitive con- dition—wetchedly wild and wough. Don’t know how it is, but I still contwive to wemain in Amerwica, and weside in the neigh- borwhood of aw New York, but suppose Jack and I will, as usual, in ordah to wendah our- selves agweeable, be undah the necessity of going to Sarwatoga or taking a twip to New- port, and even Long Bwanch. When fellaws like us are so ovahwhelmed and pwessed with invitations, it’s always a doosid difficult thing to wefuse to do as othahs do, even if they are of inferwiah bweeding. I suppose at these waterwing wesorts there will be the usual amount of wegulation amuse- ments—but I must say that one ye-ah's pwo- ceedings.so verwy stwongly wesembles anothah ye-ah’s pwoceedings that there is a consider- wable degwee of monotony about them. Ya-as, I shall be guided to a gweat extent by Miss Marguerwite’s movements. I believe her ne-ah welations are going somewhere or othah, and it would be the corwect thing, consider- wing my aw wegard for the young lady we- ferwed to, to endeavor to kill a little time in the immediate vicinity of her temporwary summah wesidence. Aw might think it dis- wespectful if I didn’t. This is a sort of Bwitish silly season, ye know, although it’s at the wong time .of ye-ab, Nothing has twanspired of any interwest except the aw waces.at Jerwome Park. 'Pon my soul, they weren't at all bad. Quite wemarkable the cweditable impwovement Amerwicans are mak- ing in their equestrian arwangements—but there was nothing sufficiently startling to merwit my chwonicling the events. Aw Par- wole didn’t carwy off our Ascot stakes—nevah thought he would; but Jack says the horse has admirwably answered Mr, Lorwillard's purpose and has been an extwemely cheap and glorwi- ously effective—what d’ye call it—aw adver- tisement for his tobacco materwials and cigar- wettes, bettah than any newspapahs aw, (@P A notice of Henry Greville's ‘ Markof, the Russian violinist,” published by T. B. Peter- son & Brothers, Philadelphia, will appear next week, THE THEATRES, The Arion will have its circus at Terrace Garpen on Saturday night, and it is needless to say that the entertainment will be in a style for which this renowned society is so, etc., ete, The Liederkranz gives its summer boom to- morrow night at the Mapison Square Garpen, With the help of Dodworth, there will be music in the air, and it will be the particularly Correct Kibosh to go and listen to it. “Miss Cavendish Gwilt,” in spite of the up- ward tendency of the thermometer, has been dishing up her horrors nightly, at WALLACK’s, to audiences who go thither quite prepared to have their eyes start from their spheres, their knotted and combinéd locks to part, and they are not disappointed. Tuey have “ Horrors,” too, at the Union Square, but not on a “Miss Gwilt” model. Here it is an exceedingly lively description of horrors, with shapely limbs and pleasing songs thrown in to perfect the dish. Whoever the au- thor of “Horrors” is, he couldn't have had agreat penchant for plots. And perhaps it’s as well that he hadn’t, or the ‘ funny burlesque extra- vaganza” might not have been so enjoyable, The Mapison Square GARDEN is now as much an institution as ever it was in its palmiest days, when called Gilmore's. It is nightly thronged by people who are, or consider them- selves the best. Dodworth’s band has settled down to its work, and Signor Liberati manipu- lates the cornet in the best Levyian style. The coup d'cil, tout ensemble, and various other things of the same sort, will be marvelously supplemented by the use of the electric light in the Garpen, which is expected to put the gaslight and ladies’ complexion very much in the shade, ‘The experiment is to be tried on Friday night next, and, strange to say, the sys- tem to be adopted is a blasted British one, Edison in the meantime goes in a corner and weeps, Answers fox the Aurious, HAseLitNe.—She's off again. Awxtety—F. H. C.—As you evidently intended your letters to be printed, we reprint them: New Yoru, June 11th, 2879. To the Editor of Puck—Sir: Will you kindly explaia the joke concealed in the answer to a fictt ous question of your mythical correspondent, “Haseltine,” which appears in each week's number? To forestall any com- ents, [wil freely admit that Tam a G—d fool; but as there are possitly other D. F's who read Puck, and are equally in ignorance Of this subtle witty Thave the courage tomake the request ery truly, , FC. To the Editor of Pucx—Sir: 3 kg Thave been for nearly a year a sober, consistent, and withal a pated reader of your * valued journal.” Tflatter'myself that possess a hearty appreciation of the humor that graces (I had almost written greaaes, it 40 unctuous) your columns; (and so on for two pages.) Yours, ANxiEty. Mr. F,H.C., as you have had the good faith and good taste to enclose your real name and address, and as you haven’t tried to be quite too distressingly funny, we will reply to you, You are not a damned fool; (b the way, if you must use an oath, use it in all its full and unequivocal profanity,] at least we have no reason to consider you in that painful light—you are only a too audacious mortal. A good young man, no doubt, you are, brought up carefully, amid all the hallowed ‘asso- ciations of a happy, happy home. Bat youare too quick ‘at jumping to conclusions. How do you know that the hebdomadal address to Haseltine is a ‘reply to a ficti- tious question ?” How do you know that it is not the balm-bearing answer to the solid and genuine cry of @ breaking heart? Is it for you to unravel the awful my- steries of love's arcane dynamics? Are you not afraid that in seeking to raise the veil that hides from mortal eyes this awful secret, you may encounter the blinding effalgence of a piece of information too strong for the receptive facilities of humanity? Seek not to rend the screen of the Unknowable: the Unknowable may. get riled and lay you out. Check what your better nature must tell you is but a shallow and irreverent curiosity, and rise on the ruins of e conquered inquisitiveness to a higher and nobler self-hood. iCOMIEHOOKS!EO