Puck — April 2, 1879 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘THE WHAT-IS-IT. [a paropy.] 1 I am at home in forest wild, T rove untouched by wary hands; And all because I draw it mild From my secretive glands, nL On mossy bank, on leafy glade, I sleep secure from hunter's trap; The boldest sportsman is afraid To break my cosy nap. m. I breathe the air of flowery vale— (L hope no one will dare assume ‘There's slightest 'semblance in this tale To R. K. M.’s “ Perfume.) Iv. I'm never sent for, as 'tis said My sent is hardly apropos— In fact, unfit to dress the head Of either belle or beau. ve ‘Those who might touch my body sleek, Would soon in agony retire, And scour their clothes for many a week, So “loud ” do I perspire. vi I'd like to give my maiden name And family history; but that Is needless, for though lawful game, I’m not—a cat! —Erratique in N. Y, News. It’s a poor mule that can’t kick both ways, —M.Y. Express. Tue Imperial Prince will henceforth be called Zuluis Napoleon.— Phila Bulletin, Henry Warp BEECHER is writing a naughty biography of himself.— oronto Gossipper. Tue bigger the saloon, the more the owner may boast about his ‘ample room.—Ovawa (Kan.) Republican. A an’s curiosity never reaches the female standard until some one tells him his name was in yesterday's paper.—. Y. Star. It is whispered around that Doctress Mary Walker wears hat-rack hooks where her sus- pender-buttons ought to be.— Wheeling Leader. Ir is strange that hungry people will fight to break a will when the will itself is so hungry that it has to have lots of provisions.— Boston Post. ‘Tuere is very little difference between a man who sees a ghost and one who swallows a bad oyster, so far as looks are concerned.— Buffalo Every Saturday. Pepestrian item: A Boston fellow has kissed his girl 450 times in two hours and one lap, and claims the belt--and all there is in it. Syracuse Standard, ‘A CONTEMPORARY prints an article headed, “ Henry Clay on a Pair of Socks'—which is no more remarkable than a pair of socks on Henry Clay. Almost any tramp can show clay on a pair of socks—provided he can show the socks.—Norristown Herald, PUCK. A CRITIC’S COMPLAINT. We met the other morning, and I told him to his face ‘That his verses were pervaded by a harmony and grace ‘That made them quite refreshing, and 1 told him I was sure ‘That his patronymic musical would evermore endure. I praised his Byron collar, and his melancholy smile, And I vowed he looked romantic in his vene- rable tile; I told him, as I quoted from his literary sweets, That he looked as meditative as the late- lamented Keats. In ecstasy I murmured that the world would e’cr applaud His pathetic little poem to his cousin Lady Maud; And I furthermore assured him that his alle- gory, “Pet,” In beauty quite reminded me of Gareth and Lynette, I told him—yes, I told him—I told him all his lines Were as rich with thought and fancy as Nevada is with mines; I swore his jingles set my mind, like glasses, all a-clink, And he never even whispered, will you come and take a drink, _M. Y. Star. Puitosorxers tell us never to be ina hurry —except when catching a flea. In that case you have to be in a hurry because the flea usually is.—San Francisco Wasp. ‘Tue “Midsummer Night's Dream” will doubtless prove the most enduring of Shak- spere’s plays, since it’s the only one that has any “Bottom” to it.— Yonkers Gazette, One of the greatest feats of woman’s endur- ance is when the female with a diamond ring wipes her mouth 3,000 times in 3,000 quarter hours without complaining of the least fatigue. —Phila, Kronikle-Herald, A Burrato minister has been preaching upon “The People We Kick.” This can be settled easily; they always kick a man who can't kick back. That is why they never kick a Rochester man.— Rochester Express. No FiRsT-CLAss reporter will ever forget to add at the end of an unsuccessful burglary item that the fellows overlooked a box containing one thousand dollars in cash, This always makes the burglars mad enough to shoot them- selves.— Detroit Free Press. In consequence of the threatened trouble in Alaska, the United States Army is being ra- pidly put on a war footing. Two more soldiers have reported for duty at San Francisco, and a man in the hospital with a sore leg will be ready for business in less than a fortnight.— Waterloo Observer. Scene, a South End Horse-car. Enter an elaborately-dressed lady, diamond solitaires, eight-button kids, etc. Car crowded. At first no one moves, Soon a gentleman offers his seat. ‘Thank you; you are the only gentle- man here. Zhe rest is hogs.” Fact—Boston Transcript. ‘Tue daisy blows Within the close Beside its sister-in-law, the rose, And butterflies Of various dyes Are fluttering under soft blue skies, While lilies wake Upon the lake, Alas! alas! the buckwheat cake. —WN.Y. Star. 61 He strolled into the conservatory where she was clipping a rosebud and a few little sprigs to adorn his buttonhole. “O Charles! isn't that a lovely rose! Just admire its beautiful color,” said she. ‘And am I not admiring its beautiful color?” and as his arm quietly crept around her waist there was just the rosiest hue flushed across her cheek, and—well, you would have been next to ecstasy if you had been a looker-on.— Mew Haven Register. A WELL-KNowN merchant of San Francisco started out the other morning for the purpose of attending the wicked and sacrilegious “Pas- sion Play.” In vain his good wife endeavored to dissuade him from his purpose and solemnly warned him that if he persisted the judgment of heaven would certainly overtake him. With a rude reply the scoffer hastened away and soon was numbered among the giddy, heediess throng at the play-house. When the irreverent scene was at an end he joined some equally hardened friends and went to one of those gilded palaces of sin called a billiard hall. ‘Thus it is that one false step leads to another. The next morning the merchant was found in a semi-paralyzed condition upon his front steps, his hat crushed, his clothes muddied and mur- muring half intelligible words, a condition from which he recovered only after hours of harrow- ing anxiety had been passed by his agonized family. The merchant himself could not ac- count for his condition, and agreed with the rest it must have been the result of some ter- rible visitation of an outraged Providence. This is a warning the young cannot lay to heart too deeply.—San Francisco Post. Never look a gift gun in the muzzle.— Hackensack Republican, It should be honored in the breech.— New Haven Register. Vichy from the Springs: Havrex Genz and Horitat—the only THE PRIEORI 1s Tue ONLY RELIABLE Axo POND'S EXTRACT. Tollet Cream. Cleansing and Softening to the Face and Haxps: prevents Chapping, Eruptions and Roughoess. Price, $1.00 per Bottle, ‘On sale at all respectable Drug Stores. SOZODONT. To preserve the teeth and keep them pure and white, to prevent their decay, there is no preparation in the market equal to SOZODONT To preserve the gums in a natur- ally hard and healthy condition, there is no superior to SOZO- DONT. To purify and sweeten the breath there is no rival to SOZODONT. For a perfect mouth there is po recipe like the use of SOZODONT. Consequently it is no wonder that the populanty of SOZUDONT as a dentifrice has no bounds. All Druggists keep it. D® J.G. B. SIEGERT & SONS’ WORLD-RENOWNED ANGOSTURA BITTERS. ‘This most invigorating tonic is justly celebrated for its exquisite flayor and extraordinary MEDICAL virtdes ‘Seid by all prigcipal drogeists, grocers and liquor dealers JW. Hancor, Sole Agent for the United States, s1 Broadway, New York P. 0, Box, 610.—Geo, Wuppermann, Manager. FRACRANT VANITY FAIR. ‘A NEW CIGARETTE gotten upin honor of the Paris Award. Each Cigarette bears cut of the Paris Medal and brand, Parisian style. Our Totacco and Cigarettes are tetter than ever, and uasorpassed for Parity, Delicacy aad Excellence. ial size Gearettes, with any 8 JONOGRAM. or DE: SIGN, to’ order, at 83 for 800. ‘tamp je a st c iqarettes, cach, 23¢. by ma Les aacco Works, WM. S. KIMBALL & CO., Rochester, N. Y. eee A CARD. To all who are suffering from the errors and indiscretions of youth, nervous weaknest, carly decay, loss of manheod, Bc. 1 will sead a recipe that will cure you, FREE OF CHARGE. This reat remedy was discovered by a ilssionary in South America, end a self-addressed envelope to the Rev. Josern T. Inman, Station D, Bistz House, New York Crrv. “PUCK” CIGARETTES ARE FASHIONABLE AT PRESENT. ‘Their quality and make-up outshines all those heretofore used. They are made on a new system by B. POLLAK, the Manufacturer of NEW YORK, and sold by every first class dealer. comicbooks.com