Puck — February 26, 1879 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Don't allow the menu meat at a ball supper to stuff you—WV, Y. News. He sued for her hand before e, and her hand sewed for him after.— Court Journal, Ty America had a man named Nordenskjold they’d send him to the North Pole, too.— Rochester Express, Ir was a Philadelphia lady who said she was like the Indians because she had wore hoops.— Phila, Kronikle- Herald, Ir is safe enough to tickle a wasp under his wing, if you do it with a very long straw.— Syracuse Sunday Times. Bittiarpist Rudolphe is violently opposed to nursing. We suspect that he was brought up on the bottle.— Chicago Tribune. Tue difference between a duck and a girl is that one is dressed to kill and the other is killed to dress.— Washington Capital. Tue greatest acquisition made by the U. S, Senate was when it had amassed-a-Don Cai eron, No fossil, either.— Phila, Bulletin, Dip the man who Rhode Island ride strad- dle? It wouldn’t take much of a stride to straddle that State.— Keokuk Constitution, Witt the new “ anti-lean” remedy keep our young men from supporting lamp-posts and corner buildings ?— Hackensack Republican, Tr French are acquiring a more stable government every year. Paris alone consumed 11,219 horses for food last year.— Norristown Herald, Tatace's smile would make a good cover for a circus tent.—Detroit Free Press. A lit- tle too open for a showery day.—Mew Haven Register, We never saw a phrase being so rapidly run into the ground by the newspapers as “never, hardly ever." That is, hardly ever.—orris- town Herald. Pics may not be very particular about their washing, but there are not many people who never saw any pig iron.—O. P. Dildock, Toronto Weekly Gossiper. : Anna Dickinson has just completed.a new play which she calls ‘‘Aurelian.” Aurelianna, aren't you turning out plays altogether too rap- idly?— Chicago Tribune. ¥ Tue wisest man we ever knew was a Jew who remarked: ‘‘I tells you vat it ish, young man, I buys my egsberience vresh ef'ry day.” —Baltimore Every Saturday. Havinc said nothing in a long while about ightning-rod agents, we hope we will be ex- cused for remarking that they live by the rod and lie by the yard.— Wheeling Leader. A LARGE majority of persons who skate do so under the evident impression that the skates are strapped to the back of the head; but that is not the proper way.— Buffalo Express. Ir Congress recommends a uniform standard of weights and measvres for the civilized world, as has been proposed, David Davis and Alexan- der H, Stephens will be placed on equal foot- ing.+. O. Picayune. “I see that Weber's opera of ‘Oberon ’ is being sung ober on the stage of Her Majesty's Theatre, London. If this joke is printed in our records, I shall send a marked copy to Pucx."—Boston Courier, PUCK. A Kansas school board advertises for a “teacher who will preserve or break heads.”— Keokuk Constitution. "There are some heads Wy in Iowa that Goliath couldn’t break. — Mlawa (Kan:) Republican. Puck, the chromo illustrated humorous paper of the nation, published in New York city, ‘comes to our table as an exchange. It abounds with funny and sparkling articles throughout. —Otlawa (Kan.): Republican. Dip a Yonkers theatre party ever return in the midnight train without “ giving it away” to everybody in the car with them where they had been? ‘“ Never!" ‘ What, never ?” + “ Well, hardly ever." — Yonkers Gazette, Tuere is one happy thing in store for the country. This Indian bureau business and the vexed question of its transfer will soon be finally settled. There won't be any Indians left to bureau.— Burlington Hawkeye. Wuen a girl makes up her mind that the world isn’t using her right, and that she is get- ting the bottom slice of bread at every meal, there is only one alternative—go on the stage and play Juliet. _N. Y. Express. Pistot, Shakspere’s character, was a son of a gun, wasn’t he?—Syracuse Sunday Times. He must have been, for he came from that stock and took a pull at the nipple before he put on his first cap.— ew York News. “Wuy is there no snow this winter up in the lumber districts?” asked Tom, looking up from the Stillwater Lumderman. ‘It geth thawed up,” lisped Laura, and the conversa- tion perisheth right there.—Burlington Hawk- ge. A Jewisu Rabbi of St. Louis says the pro- phets foretold, 3,000 years ago, of the plague which is now visiting Eastern Europe. It just shows how a prophecy is likely to come true if aman only has the patience to sit down and wait for it.—_. O. Picayune, Tue New York police think they have ar- rested one of the Manhattan Bank robbers. Let him be put away with the bones of Stewart, and the old Nathan murderers, and the man who struck William Patterson and got away with Charley Ross.—.V. O. Picayune. Nast, in his palmiest days, never got out such cartoons as now appear weekly in Puck, drawn by the knowing Keppler. Besides these pointed productions of Puck, its literary fea- tures are away above par. Its circulation grows here with each passing week. — Wheeling Leader, . ‘ Ir is a noticeable fact that the people in the prairie country of Iowa do more work than any other people in the West. ‘This is because there is nothing about the top rail of a barbed wire fence that invites men to sit on it and talk poli- tics while the grasshoppers get jn the crops.— Burlington Hawkeye. Wuat did the paper collar?— New York Herald, What did. the neck tie?—Camden Post. Who did the shirt cuff? How do the pants seam? When did the chest protector? Who leads the waist band? Whose pocket did tooth pick? Whose bell did ear ring? Next. —Baltimore Every Saturday. “ Beautirut moonlight when I came in last night,” said Soszle breaking the ominous silence at breakfast. “ Yes," said Mrs. S. blandly, from the other side of the table, ‘but hardly light enough for you to open the front door with a boot hook or hang the door mat on the hat tree.” And then the hiatus in Soszles’s mind between the time he said ‘“goor ni ole fellar” at the corner of the street the night before, and when he found himself on the edge of the bed trying to pull his drawers off over his head, was filled. —Boston Bulletin, Puck's age this week is roo and there is no signs of dotage about it. (W don’t know the gender—he or she?) Like wine it improves with age. But seriously, we are glad to see it so successfully established. All other humor- ous papers, heretofore, have either failed or fallen-into disrepute, but brains and pluck and the cleverest of cartoons have placed Puck on a foundation that promises to be lasting. Ever- lasting in fact.— Hotel Gasette. A society paper says: ‘‘ Square necks are much worn on low corsages. V necks are also seen, but round,.low necks are preferred by most young ladies for ball toilets.” We pre- fer round, low necks, and object strongly to square necks, because the corners cut your arms, and the V necks (which mean five dol- lars, we suppos*) are too costly.— Derrick, Or late several copies of a paper called the Congressional Record have been received at the Tribune office, We don't know who sends it and we don’t want it any longer. There are no pictures in it; no cookery department with recipes for pie; no instructions how to make tatting or spatter work; no instructions how to take care of babies; no jokes; nothing but bad speeches by a few insignificant gentlemen. We don’t see how the concern exists; it has no advertising patronage, and not a single letter setting forth the virtues of a baking-powder or a cough cure. If the friend or enemy who sends the thing to us will let us know the sub- scription price, we'll pay promptly to have it stopped.— Bismarck Tribune. Au, yes, fond youth} It may be very nice to court a girl in the far northern countries where the nights are six months long; but just think of the vast amount of peanuts and gum- drops the young man, when going to see his girl, must lug along with him in order to kill time, and induce her to believe that his affec- tion for her is as warm as ever, And then the sad Jeave-taking a few weeks before sunrise! He whispers “Good-night, love,” and she softly murmurs, “Good-night, dear. When shall I see you again?” ‘To-morrow night,” he replies, as he kisses her up-turned face. “To- morrow night,” she repeats, with a voice full of emotion. ‘‘Six long, weary months! Can't you call around a few days before breakfast, Charles?" Finally Charles tears himself away, with a promise to write her one hundred and sixty letters before the next day draws to a close.-- Norristown Herald, Mr. Epcar Fawcett gets up in the morning in time to see some rather curious things out of doors. While looking out at the window, and buttoning his suspenders, he says: “Yonder, through dark draperies backward drawn, I see the faded stars remotelier burn. And glimmering on the dumb, cold lips of dawn, P.le languors of inscrutable unconcern.”” Do you suppose that the fellow who hap- pened to be out about the same time, feeding his hogs, or splitting wood for his wife to get breakfast with, noticed that remarkable phe- nomenon—those pale languors of inscrutable unconcern glimmering on the dumb, cold lips of dawn? Hardly. And yet it must have been almost equal to a small aurora borealis. But is that what you call “poetry,” or what is it?— Louisorlle Courier-Journal, CAN CATARRH BE CURED? even the worst cases, Testimonials by the it has be n done by the use of POND'S EX- re value of our Eatract in all Catarrhal affections has inducedus t» prepare a remedy. POND’s EXTRACT CATARRH CURE, especially adapted to diseases of the nasal organ, "The base of the preparation Is POND'S EXTRACT in combination with Other wellknown ingred.ents, which makes it the best, surest, Safest and quickest cure for the diseases for whichit is Intended eats. Uvr Nasal Syringe Price only 25 cents, Prepared by the POND'S EXTRACT CO., New York and London. Sold by druggists and at 98 Maided Lane. Price, 7 applying the cure is of great value.