Puck — December 25, 1878 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

i, THROUGH THE TUNNEL, Riding up from Bangor, On the “ Eastern” train, From a six weeks’ shooting In the woods of Maine; Quite extensive whiskers, Beard, moustache as well, Sat a “student fellow,” Tall, and fine, and swell, Empty seat behind him, No one at his side; To a pleasant station Now the train doth glide, Enter aged couple, ‘Take the hinder seat; Enter gentle maiden, Beautiful, petite, Blushingly she falters, “Is this seat engaged ?” (See the aged couple Properly enraged). Student, quite ecstatic, Sees her ticket’s ‘ through.” Thinks of the long tunnel— Thinks what he might do, So they sit and chatter, While the cinders fly, Till that ‘student fellow” Gets one in his eye; And the gentle maiden Quickly turns about— “May I, if you please, sir, Try to get it out?” Happy “student fellow” Feels a dainty touch; Hears a gentle whisper, “Does it hurt you much?” Fizz, ding, dong! a moment In the tunnel quite, And its glorious darkness Black as Egypt's night. Out into the daylight Darts the “ Eastern" train; Student's beaver ruffled Just the merest grain; Maiden’s hair is tumbled, And then and there appeared Cunning Jittle ear-ring Caught in student's beard. —Unknown Exchange. A New Jersey artist claims to have discov- ered an original Turner in a farmhouse in a New Jersey town. He thinks it is a Turner, because after he had turned it around several times he couldn't determine wether it was a winter scene or the portrait of an old man,— Norristown Herald, Antuony Comstock is still warring against decollette paintings in New York, and we shouldn't be surprised to see Puck come out next week wearing, in addition to his silk hat and pigeon-tail coat, a pair of striped panta- loons, a speckled vest, a shirt that opens behind, and a dollar store diamond pin. — Straight-laced Norristown Herald, A Mr. Jupp, of Williamstown, Ohio, has just had his throat cut by a Mr. Turner, for refusing to drink some whisky proffered by the latter. We don’t know the precise brand of the whisky refused, but if it came from this section, no one can blame Mr. Judd for choosing the more agreeable death of the two, Out here, fortun- ately, we have Chinamen to test our whisky upon, and the fact that their numbers do not increase, in spite of the steady immigration, is all that need be said about the whisky of this favored locality. in Francisco News-Lette MR. HAROLD MONTMORENCY, LIGHT- COMEDIAN, GOES TO CHURCH. “ Speaxine of singing, I think your music is a bit slow. Now, take the overture—it’s heavy,sir; heavy. Something bright and lively, now, to put ‘em in good humor—the ‘Man in the Moon’ sort of thing: ¢hafs the game. Wagner’s too heavy for the masses; you want to strike ‘em right first time; then you've got "em. P’raps ’twould come a little awkward for ‘em at first, but then, you know, they could be- gin early; try it on a dog, you know, and so work up to the real thing. Then again your man isn’t made up properly. I could show him a thing or two about that, so that he’d be quite the thing in a couple of weeks. And then the auditorium—that’s all wrong. Great mistake having it all private boxes. Half a dozen is quite enough. Let the rest be orches- tra chairs, And, then, who ever heard of an orchestra in the front balcony? Have ‘em in front of the stage, or under it—or even in the wings; but don’t have ‘em in the balcony. Be- sides, the folks that do the singing business can’t be seen without twisting your neck: bad —very. And I would have the leading man know his lines; suppose he did skip a little— hang it! he could fake up something, or have a prompter. It’s too transparent, this reading his part off in thisway. I'm certain he’d draw better, and I'm sure the box-office’ll say there isn't much draft in him, as things are now. You see, his piece don’t work up. Then, again, he ought to introduce a little appropriate mu- sic—too much repetition. For instance, where he tells about the Prodigal Son, he might start off with ‘Champagne Charlie,” changing into “Root, Hog, or Die,’ where he is lunching on the husks, you know, and winding up with “Johnny Comes Marching Home,’ when he gets back to his father. That's my idea of the thing. Do you tumble to it, eh?"—Boston Courier. A Lover of algebraic problems hands in the following: ‘* Lamp-post ten feet high; a man walks from it at the rate of three miles an hour; how fast does his shadow travel?” Let us see. That is easy enough; but here are a lot of proofs to read, four advertisements to be writ- ten, seventeen letters to be answered; the books are to be posted; copy for the paper is to be got out; here are two men who want bills print- ed and one who wants to sell a load of wood; here is a stack of bills to collect and the dev— the entered apprentice to pay, so that really we can’t give any attention to algebra just now.— Rome Sentinel, A yYounc man from the country was in town yesterday, and entered a photograph gallery to have his picture taken, After seating him the operator told him to assume a pleased expression, “Think of something cheerful,” he said; “think of your girl.” A terrible scowl took possession of the young man’s face, and jumping up he exclaimed: “Think of the deuce! She went home with another fellow last night, and she can go to thunder, for me!” He evidently thought of her, but the pleased expression was not forthcoming.— Norristown Herald. ‘Tuere is one good thing about this electric light. When a man’s collar-button gets away from him and starts off on an exploring expedi- tion across the room, he can look under the bureau for it without resorting to the dangerous and unsatisfactory expedient of laying a glass kerosene lamp down on its side on the floor. That is, if the impression we have received is correct, that the electric light makes all light and no shadow.— Burlington Hawkeye. Many a man who prays not to be led into temptation, would be awfully disappointed if his prayer were granted.— Keokuk Constitution. Tue Ameer don’t like the way the election returns are coming in,—Detroit Free Press. Wuen yoa are told that a man spent several ears on the bench, it is well enough to inquire if he was judge or cobbler.— Boston Transcript, Tue stealing of Stewart's remains only makes the question, “What becomes of us after death?” all the more impossible to answer— Danbury News, Catuinc a slaughter-yard an “abattoir” may increase the price of surroundig real estate, but Pua help the smell any.—Defrott Free e55. Just as the State is emerging from an un- paralleled season of business depression, a New London man threatens to publish a poem six hundred pages in length.— Danbury News. “ How it Feels to be Hung” is an interesting article in an exchange. We suggest that a marked copy be sent to each Congressman, just as a gentle stimulant.—Xochester Express. A THIRTY-SEVEN-POUND turnip has been raised in Mendocino county. Here is a chance for some agricultural paper editor to get a new head for nothing.—San Francisco News-Letter, An English exchange says that “Prominent Americans rotate in office.” We hope this is not an allusion to the time that the Electoral Commission rotate to seven.—Pittsburgh Tele- graph, POND'S EXTRACT.—The Great Family Medicine of the Age differs from all advertised preparations, in the fact that it is a standard medicine of recognized merit, and has for many years been treated of in medical writings. It has been the chief rellance of thousands of families for all the minor ailments, accidents o casualties that have occurred among them. As an ALLEVIATOR of Pain and a promoter of permanent cure ithas no equal. Ask your druggist about it. SUZODONT. To preserve the teeth and keep them pure and white, to prevent their decay, there is no preparation in the market equal to SOZODONT To preserve the gums in a natur- ally hard and healthy condition, there is no superior to SUZO- DONT. To purify and sweeten the breath there is no rival to SOZODONT. For a perfect mouth there is no recipe like the use of SOZOVONT. Consequently it 1s no wonder that the populanty of SUZODONT as a deotrifice has po bounds. All Druggists keep it. STEINWAY. Grand, Square, and Upright Pianos, Triumphant at every World's Fair; endorsed by the most eminent musical authorities of both hemispheres, and the acknowledged Standard Pianos of the World. Special attention is directed to the lately-patented Steinway Parlor Grand— but six feet long—with touch, quality of tone, and almost the power, of a Stein- way Concert Grand; and to the new Steinway Upright or Cabinet Grand, with matchless tone and perfection of action. ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUES MAILED FREE. STEINW AY &SONS, WAREROOMS: STEINWAY HALL, Nos. 109 and 111 East 14th St., New York. FBX PHOTOGRAPHER, 347 East 14th Street York.—Closed on Saturdays valy.* comicbooks.com