Puck — December 18, 1878 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘PUEKS OIL: OF CONGRESS. L Wasimcton, Dec. 11, 1878. 5 SENATE, ‘Scarcity of Republican voles down South, Senator Blaine, in the presence of a very swell audience, having run his hands through his hair, cleared his throat and assumed the latest thing in academic postures, now drew out several galley-proofs of his speech. He said he liked bygones to be bygones, but, at the same time, he wanted to show that South- ern Democrats were a very bad lot, and wouldn't allow the colored men and brothers to vote as they pleased. ‘This United States of America was a Republic, therefore everybody in it ought to be a Republican and vote the Republican ticket, as by so doing he (Mr: Blaine) would stand a pretty good chance of becoming President one of these fine days— indeed it might be in 1880. Negroes were na- turally Republicans; their fathers were so be- fore them. So were their grandfathers and grandmothers, and their ancestors thousands of years ago, and long before they ever thought of leaving Africa. Every negro was born with ie Republican ticket stenciled- on the small of ‘The Republican party had now been some seventeen or cighteen years in power, and he warned it that unless it prevented the negro from voting the Democratic ticket, it mightn’t get such another long lease of life; and then his Blaine’s) chances of being President would be im. This sort of thing wanted careful looking after, and Congress would confer a personal favor on him by doing so. December 14th, Electoral Bill. Senator Edmunds thought he'd like to hear what the other Senators had to say about his Electoral bill for abolishing “ fraudulent” Presidents. Senator Bayard said, a man who liked peace and quietness was a patriot; a man who didn't, ‘wasn't. This bill would make patriots. Senator Hill was of opinion that the present Jaw was all right, but the partisans who broke _ it were all wrong. Thirty-five Senators;thought the bill a good one. Twenty-six were of the opposite opinion. House or Represenrarives, The only good work done’ here-during the week was the resolution passed’ to investigate that eccentic and conscientious: young gentle- man, Mr, John I. Davenport. RESPECTFULLY REFERRED TO H. HILTON. +s Brooxtyn, Dec. 13., 187g. To the Editor of Puck: Sir—I bought two pounds of Limburger Cheese yesterday; and from, the smell, I am itive it contains some of A7ZS. Please inform me in next issue how much of that $50.000 reward I can claim. Yours truly, H.B. PUCK. PUCK DOES HIS DUTY. HO was it said “ Man must love some- thing”? No matter. It is self-evi- dent that our beloved Bro, Talmage loves dirt. He apparently swallows it all the week, and spews it out over his congregation on Sunday. ; And so long as His Reverence does this, so long does it appear to be Puck's duty to sprin- kle over this mass of filth, and morally deodor- ize it, as it were, with the carbolic acid of fun and ridicule, So, as we have never yet failed in doing our duty and our whole duty, so long as Bro. Talmage dumps his dirt into the social arena, Puck will take the harm out of it, as far as this is possible, by covering it over many feet deep with ridicule. One of the most remarkable phases in the character of the sharkish Talmage —if he may be said to have any character—is that he leaves undone those things which he ought to do, and does those things which he ought not to do; also, that he usually talks the longest and the most elaborately about things of which he knows absolutely nothing. Witness his late onslaught upon club-life. Now his description of the Buckingham Palace was very fair; because he knows how it is him- self. He has been there. But when he speaks of clubs where resort the gentlemen, the men who give weight and character to the metro- polis and the nation, he is as much at fault as ‘a Texan mule trying to describe the glories of the Partheon; and the result is merely noise— “he-haw!"” Bro. Talmage never seems to think of saying to his people, *“ Be comforted!” He only can Hence these pictures of life after. dark, which he has a mania for exhibit- ing, and many of which he published in book form half-a-dézen years ago. But there are subjects of sin and crime which the Brooklyn flibbertigibbet might handle suc- cessfully, He might take himself, turn himself inside out, bring a calcium-light to bear upon himself, and show himself up fora few conse- cutive Sundays. It would be nastier, no doubt, nastier than anything he has yet cast up to us; but it would be sensational, and would draw.° Another investigation might also be made of the accounts of the Tabernacle, of the money received, the money expended, and as to how subscriptions are collected and paid. A first-class accountant, having carte blanche to go thoroughly into the finances of the Ta- bernacle, would doubtless stir up a stench that even Talmage would recoil from. We do not profess to be the advisers of Bro, Talmage; but in thinking of him we are re- minded of an old saint who became canonized in a queer way. This individual, who lived in the thirteenth century, had the gift of gab, and talked too much with his mouth, ‘The Supe- rior of the Brotherhood used to tell him to wipe off his chin, &c, but ;/he“wouldn’t wipe. So at last, as an act of penance, the Superior bade him hold the bung of a wine-cask in his mouth ‘until further notice. “He obeyed, and retained the half-swallowed bung between his teeth until it took root and grew there, Whence his canonization. Will Bro. Talmage go and do likewise—an give us a rest? . WE greatly regret that by some unexplained accident the ‘Revised Cook-book,” reprinted in “Pucx’s Exchanges” a week or two ago, was not credited to Mr. Claude de Haven, in Yon- hers Gazette, thereby doing a serious wrong to one of our most esteemed exchanges, and to a very clever humorist-at-large and valued con- tributor to Puck. THE THEATRES. “Almost a Life" seems likely to run for that period at the STANDARD, “My Son” is still the bill at WaLtack’s; but there are horrible rumors of American drama on the affrighted air. There scems to, be a dearth of dizzy blondes in New York this season. Why doesn’t Henry Irving come to America? Why couldn’t Bronson Howard have had anything to do with the “Golden Calf"? 'Coz Aaron had something to do with it three thou- sand years ago. Bootn's is handel over to “ Evangeline,” that attractive maiden having been remodeled for the one hundred and ninety-ninth time. But the Lone Fisherman we have always with us, Crane still Robsonizes at the Park; but next week the Colville Folly Company have the boards, The Colville Folly Company does not hail from the late Folly Theatre, corner of Greenwicis Avenue and 12th Street. Mr. Barney Macaulay's six feet of muscular genius have made a hit at the Broapway; and that fearfully and wonderfully constructed play, “A Messenger from Jarvis Section,” couldn't go better if the mythic ‘ Petiengill” had “made it.” The rumor that Miss Kate Claxton intends squaring the circle arises solely from the fact that she has made the Lyceum pay, which has lead to a belief that she possesses a character- istic hitherto associated only with Faith— namely, that all things are possible unto her. At the Grose, Mr. W. E. Barnes's produc- tion, entitled “ Only a Farmer's Daughter,” is so well acted as to delude the public into the belief that it isa play. Miss Laura Don, clever and pretty as.ever, has grabbed a large major- ity of the laurels, as is her custom wherever she goes. Jefferson is at the Firt AveNuE, extending his benediction: ‘Here's to your health, and to the health of your family, and may you all live long and proper,” tolarge holiday audiences, including the five clergymen, of assorted denominations, whom Messrs. Fiske and Har- kins keep constantly on hand. Answeys for the Anriows. Hasextine.—She is making you a present of cowslips on a needle. Jesse Henty.—Your “Ghost-scene from Hamlet” has gone to join the original ghost. Will you kindly look up in the north-west corner of the second page of this paper and notice the rule to which in future we can make no exceptions—the rule which rears its gory head over a million wrecked’ manvscripts like yours. Mr. Henly, we regret it as much as you can, but we greatly fear that your MS. bas gone over to the majority some time ago. comicbooks.com