Puck — November 13, 1878 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. “PUCK”. No. 13 North William Street, New York. FOR SALE BY ALLN NEWS DEALERS. PD To Supscripers. OS. KEPPLER. LALSCHWARZMAN H, C. BUNNER: SFECIAL NOVICES. in London, at the News Agency Pocx will hereafter be on IG & CO.,' 449, Strand, Channg of Messrs. HENRY F. Gi Cross, jericans 1» Paris, hitherto reduced to ““Punch’’. ““Fun"* and sefedy™ wl now ht heir natural paper on file at th ice, 49 Avenue de I" We cannot undertake to return rejected communications, and to this rule we can make no exception. Remittances by Money Order, etc., are to be addressed to Kerrier & SCHWARZMANN. Sa- Our advertising friends are only required to pay bills eoeoted on the billheads of Peck, with our samp. trnesoeD Rrereoa. REPPLER & SCHWARZMANN. A Hard Job Before Kelly Befeat and the Pres Mayor ) Fashion's Follies. Some. Social. Fi “The Preaching Fiend — Frezxoopts tt AMERICA. ‘The Philosophy of Osculation Operatic Note ‘ Ingersoll and Abbott. Gambling at Church Fairs. Childhood's Query. A Voice from the Grave. Ms. Flonegan Returns from Power of Mus j McAathoay fover the Body fof A HARD JOB BEFORE MAYOR COOPER. Mr. Epwarp Cooper has been elected by Puck and the people to do duty as Mayor of this city for the term commencing in January next. Mister John Kelly has, by the grace of Puck and the people been assigned to a back seat, politically speaking. But he and his henchmen still hold the fat offices which give the power to Tammany. The first act of Mayor Cooper should be to get rid of these fatteners at the public crib, But how is he to do it?) Tammany, if anything, is a hog. It is filthy in its ways; it is greasy in its component parts; and it fattens on all sorts of political swill, If it can’t be a Congressman, it will kindly consent to be a Coroner, at so much a But the Hog Tammany has waxed so fat that it seems almost impossible for Mayor Cooper to get it out of the places it holds. Surely Mr. Cooper has a hard job before him. But Hogs, even the Tammany Hogs, will grow lean if deprived of their swill; and it is there- fore to be hoped that the incoming city gov- ernment will so act, that with the assistance of the Governor and the Legislature, the places which once knew Tammany will know it no more; and it will go back to its old business of keeping corner liquor stores and leave poli- tics to the people. Selah. KELLY’S DEFEAT AND.THE PRESS. Tue ablest of our contemporaries, the Sun, gives credit to the Zimes and the World for their share in crushing the hydra-headed dema- gogue, Misther John Kelly. The Zridune also gets a word of praise, and the Hera/d deserv- edly a word of censure; but Puck, who really has done more than all these combined to rid ” New Yorkers of a tyrannical incubus, is en- tirely ignored. | Now we feel we are not overstepping the bounds of modesty in laying claim to having achieved a glorious victory over ‘Tammany insolence.. Everybody, including Mr. John Kelly himself, has probably studied with inter- est our cartoons, which appeal at once to the feelings ina much more direct manner than the best editorial ever penned by a Dana. We take this opportunity of informing Mr. John Kelly that Tammany is doomed. It is useless for him to endeavor to keep up the cou- rage of its fatuous satellites and supporters. Tammany is of no more importance in this community than the fifth wheel of a coach. Let Mr. Kelly retire into that private life to which, with his obtrusive honesty, he would proveso great an ornament. By the way, we hear a great deal too much about this honesty —which is not a good sign. Be this as it may, Mr. Kelly may rest assured that, as long as Puck has power to wield a pen and pencil, he declares “war to the knife” against Kelly and Tammany, or any one who has been defiled by their touch, until these un- American institutions are entirely stamped out of existence, and the rule of the people by the people secured in their stead. Puck will never lose a chance of -belittling and opposing them, and will not rest until they are relegated to the limbo of other antiquated instruments of torture. Mr. Kelly now knows what he has to expect. We would advise him to drop the name of Democrat. Democrat, indeed! Mr. Kelly bears as much resemblance to a Democrat as the Grand Lama to Denis Kearney. Puckerings. A pur-vp job.—Preserving fruit. Di you ever see a red-headed nigger? Look sharp to your sausages this week. A HOME stretch.—Over a mother’s knee. Wuen eating boiled eggs, he who hesitates is lost. Even after death he is carried away by greed for gold. Puew! you don’t happen to have it about you, do you? “Tuere’s a letter in this scandal,” as Theo- dore sang on the witness stand. “ Sueep cloding ” may not be all wool, but the purchaser is almost always fleeced. Wasn't carrying the body from the church- yard in a rubber-bag rather a sack-religious act? A strain of music.—The efforts of an ama- teur cornet player with insufficient lung power. A ScENTED note.—A crisp dollar bill; one hundred cents and the perfume of new mon- naie, STRANGE, isn’t it, that the East Side Elevated R.R. is no great ‘shakes in anything but its springs? AN ocular demonstration,—A man’s hard fist threatening to put a mansard roof on an- other's eye. Iw the balance sheets of life insurance com- xanies, payments to ppolicy, holders are put down as ‘‘ dead losses. Wuo was the first man mentioned in the Bible who engaged in a big pedestrian contest ? See Genesis, v. 22. Tue late Mr. A. T. Stewart, we learn, was buried in evening dress. Quite right: he was going to a reception—with warm refreshments, We can’t see Stewart now, because the re- surrectionists have raised him. But they did it with a fire-shovel; and not at Poker. Will it prove to be a full hand? Tuere is controversy as to whether Adam and Eve were white or cullid persons, We can't throw much light on the subject, but eve now- a-days is generally dusky. Tue editor of an esteemed contemporary says: ‘Learn your child a trade, even if you have to learn him to trade old iron for a circus ticke! How the father of that editor must have “learned” his son English. But the item is, of course, a special joke. As a humorous journal Puck has never had an equal in this country.—/ila, Kronikle- Herald, Well—ha hum—we could—ha hum— almost blush at such very high praise from so competent an authority; but there is a paper that equals Puck in humor, and it is certainly our valued Philadelphia contemporary. Ir there is anything thinner than the varnish on mock-auction furniture, it.is the affected eagerness of each one of a party of four or five young men to pay the fares in‘a street:car, You will invariably notice that the one who is six or seven feet away from the conductor is the only one who stretches his arm to its full length towards that official. Ir Edison will invent a machine for keeping slippers in one another's company, to curb their erratic propensities and prevent the chamber- maid conniving at their wandering about singly and promiscuously, there would be more even- ing and morning prayers than curses from the fellow who has to rasp his spinal cord in crawl- ing half-way under the bed in his night-shirt to find one, while the other is obstinately lurking beneath the bureau, When the woman sends home your washing, your shirt-bosom and cuffs may be as limber as an old hand- kerchief, but when you come toa raw-edged collar you will find it starched stiff enough to saw your head off if it don’t lose hold of the button.—Fuléon Times. Some people never know,when’ they have a good thing. Now how would you like to have a washerwoman who would leave the ends of your standing collars so innocent of starch that the first attempt to turn them down would create an immense blister on the under side, and set the ends flapping as if they were fixed on well-oiled hinges? ‘Tue Herald,treats its readers every Sunday to a column or two of what it calls “ chat by the way,” which “chat” is, by the way, of a reli- gious character, but occasionally a little secular knowledge is thrown in, just to spice up the moral lessons. We give an example of its moral geographical efforts: «The National Bank of Genoa, Spain, has been seized with a desire to emulate the example of Great Britain and America. Its directors have stolen $2,000,000, which is certainly very well for beginners.” The writer of this was probably inspired while taking an airing behind a pair of 2.143% gondo- liers on the Rialto and Grand Canal of Madrid in Caprera. But where is Genoa, anyway ? comicbooks.com