Puck — October 9, 1878 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. FOR BRIC-A-BRAC. (Rowweav,) For bric-a-brac, despite your stare, I must confess, I do not care; I have no taste for plates with splash on, For fabrics Indian or Circassian, And in new-fangled fancies take no share. A grand antique, new art's despair, Looming athwart Time's distant glare, Has nought in common with tne fashion For bric-a-brac. For platters foul, for pitchers fair, For brazen kettles worse for wear, For dogs with eyes that flame and flash on, For pots and pans I have no passion— My lack of liking I declare For éric-a-brac, —Appleton's Journal, A pouiticaL editor has pasted Kearney’s profane harangue in his scrapbook and expects to hurl the entire mass of stuff at the opposition candidates this fall. - Norristown Herald. ‘Tue total number of inhabitants of the globe is set down at 1,439,145,300, and out of all the € millions only seven voted for Sammy Til- den for President on the final ballot. ‘Tal about his popular majority.— Burlington Hawk- ot. We are pained to learn that the editor of the best family paper in lowa scandalized the guests of a fashionable hotel at the dinner table the other day, by scratching his head with a fork. Now, then, gentlemen? — Burlington Hawkeye, ACnuicaco publisher has issued a book en- titled “How to Become Plump.” ‘Ihe old way, you remember, was to fall out of a third- story window and come down plump. ‘The new method is less dangerous, but not so cer- tain.— Norristown Herald, Ir is a solemn thought that every time your heart beats some immortal soul is born into this world of care and sorrow and toil and death, and every time ‘My Grandfather's Clock" is sung, some human being passes aw: to his eternal rest. —Burlinglon Hawkeye. Six years ago two young men in Philadel- phia inherited from their father about $80,000 each. Since that period one has died poor and the other is now driving a furniture cart for a living. The name of the daily paper they started is not given.— Norristown Herald, Wuex you see your neighbor's small-boy fooling around the back-yard gate, and omi- nous sounds issuing from the dog-kennel, you can make up your mind that the aforesaid small-boy wants to pool issues with th: dog to see whether the grape crop comes up to his previous peregrinations.—V, Y. Express. Peopce in the rural districts wish the city sportsmen would stay at home and shoot at glass balls, pigeons, or something they can hit, and not be filling their barn doors with bird- shot in their endeavors to bring down the weathercock which they frequently mistake for a prairie chicken.— Zitusville Herald. ‘lug man who sang, ‘‘I dreamed I was a boy again,” was probably suffering from an attack of the nightmare that took him back and sent him galloping around the woodshed at the ead of a piece of lath, after having been a running away from sciool to go to the woods and play Indian.— Fulton Times, Jusr while we think of it, why didn’t the individual who invented the button-hole get up something equally durable to fit into it? | We have yet to run across the first button that | would hold out with half the persistency that the hole would.— Wheeling Sunday Leader. He was just changing his shirt when he heard footsteps on the stair, and as there was not time to lock the door he crawled under the bed. The intruders were his sister and five girl friends, and during the next hour he learned all about how to cut fall wraps, but he has fallen a prey to silent sorrow all the same.— ater Lumberman, Wuen the modest young man is unexpect- edly caught in a parlor full of women, one of whom has rougish eyes, and begins to try to think whether his hair is parted straight or not, the blushes start from his forchead, and creep over the top of his head, and down his back, until he feels like a nutmeg grater with a tin ear.— Stillwater Lumberman, Dennis Kear: has found a friend and in- dorser in Rev. 1 Kalloch, of San Francisco, ‘There is nothing Surprising in the fact that Kalloch should indorse Kearney, that is about his calibre, but it would be amazing beyond expression if Kearney or anybody should speak a decent word for Kalloch,— Burlington Hawk- oe. We have often wondered why the god Pan always wore the legs of a goat when he was in full dress, but we suppose that it was so that he could stand on his head and thus thoroughly disguise himself when a neighbor with a shot- gun came down the block, looking for the man who was playing the flute-—Burlington Hawkeye. Tue New York Herald claims to have dis- covered that changes in the weather are al- most invariably followed by a fearful outbreak of crime. We have noticed that a general and unaccountable—and we may say criminal —dis- appearance of umbrellas is usually preceded by barometrical depression. — New Haven Register. Kearney is probably the worst case of a young Lochinvar that ever came out of the west; through all the wide border his scveed was the worst, and save his loud yawp-yawp, he weapon had none, he rode all unarm'd and he rode ail alone, because no man with any decency about him would be caught in. the. same car; so dirty his shirt and so loudly he snore, was there ever a snide like this you | Lochinvar ?— Out City Derrich. | A veppitx has been sneaking around taking | orders for an article of ladies’ wear which he calls the Eurcka Buzzum, At the will of the wearer it can be made to rise and fall like waves on a summer sea, and cannot be dis- tinguished from the genuine article by the most cultivated touch. Fellow citizens! where is our Magna Charta? Where is the boasted palladium of our liberties? Have we no longer any rights that these confounded peddlers are bound to respect ?— Oil City Derrick. “He loves her still,” the title of a late novel tells us. Whoever he is, he’s level-headed, and knows enough to appreciate the fact that if he didn’t love her still—if he yelled out at the top | of his voice when he called her “darling,” and | kicked over all the chairs in the parlor to show | his devotion, very likely the old man would | seize his garments near the end of the spinal column, and urge him to go and look at the outside’ of the screen-door by moonlight.— Fulton Times, “ Kwow.epce is power.” Not always; the boy that gathers up his fishing tackle and empty basket as the sun is sinking in the west knows that his mother stands watching and waiting for him at the garden gate, and the knowledge that the kindling wood remains uncut is such a source of weakness to him that to march along and whistle ‘What is home without a mother?” is an utter impossibility.— Yonkers Gazette, Ir it be the truth that Schuyler Colfax has read the Bible through twenty-two times, we have charity enough to suppose that somebody always changes his book-marks about the time he is nearing the story of Mr. and Mrs, Ana- nias.— Brookville Democrat, FRENCH AND ENGLISH Novelties in Dress Goods. 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