Puck — September 18, 1878 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

tn Be Mr Ps = be PUCK. “PUCK”. No. 13 North William Street, New York. FOR SALE BY ALI, NEWS DEALERS. Terms To SUBSCRIBERS. ‘Manaaixa Eprron. SPECIAL NOTICES. le in London, at the News Agency LLIG & CO., 449, Strand, Channg Puck will hereafter be of Messrs. HENRY F. Crome. Puck may be had in Saratoga at BRENTANO'S new store. ‘opposite Congress Park. Dy Amencans in Paris, hitherto reduced to “Punch”, Fun" and Judy’, will vow find their natural paper on file at the ‘*Herald”* «Office, 49 Avenue de I’ Opéra, We wish to warn the public, expecially Americans sojourning in Europe, against a spurious edition of Puck, published in London under the title of “The Figaro.” Though tarzely made up {rom ‘our columns, the contents quoted are badly garbled, and are mixed with some foreign matter which we utterly rqpudiate. ‘The only genuine edition of Puck is to be obtained of our authorized agents, we Remittances by Money Order, etc., are to be addressed to Kerr.rn & SCHWARZMANN. friends are only required to pay bills printed on the billheads of Puck, with our stamp istrxesseo thereon. KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN. CONTENTS. Reporters Libelled. ‘The Voune Man nex the Viouin +The Wages of Labor is stote."* ‘Another Hosnian Diticulty Marianna’s Debut. —E. S. L. | A Mayfair Mystery | Puck's Excwtaxces THE DELUGE OF GREENBACKS. Genesis, Citar. VII. 4. Puck and the hard-money animals enter the Ark, 6. The beginning, increase and continuance of the flood of greenbacks. And Puck said unto Hayes, Come thou with all the boys who are solid on the hard-money question into the Scow, for thou hast, I see on this point a level head. 2, Ofall the leading beasts, clean or unclean, shalt thou take as many as thou canst get, whe- ther Republican or Democrat, provided’ they don’t believe in greenbacks. 3. For yet a little while will I allow these idiots to have their fling, and then they shall be destroyed from off the face of the earth. 4. And Hayes did according unto all that Puck had commanded him, 5. Then there went in with Hayes into the Ark, of clean beasts and beasts that are not clean, of foul things and everything that creep- eth on the earth, Henry Ward Beecher after his kind, Jay Gould after his kind, John Kelly after his kind, James Gordon Bennett after his kind, Samuel Tilden, Wm. M. Evarts and Ros- coe Conkling after their kind. 6. And it came to pass that the greenback flood was upon the earth, 7. And the greenbacks prevailed exceed- ingly. 8. And Peter Cooper couldn’t keep afloat even with his air-cushion. g. And Dennis Kearney and other nauseous and foul things of his kind perished. to. And even Ben Butler had to go under. 11. And all who had advocated the flooding of the country with greenbacks were nowhere. THE FASCINATING BUTLER. BULLY BEN! Ben of the Dutch Gap Canal! Ben, the rade mecum of Boston Cus- tom House aspirants for office: Ben, the great cross (eyed) examiner, Ben, the poly- chronious* voter for Jeff. Davis; Ben, the bottled—O, Ben! Puck hopes you will capture the Democratic Convention in Massachusetts. You never yet captured anything of any par- ticular value excepting shekels and spoons; but now, if you do not make a blunder in political strategy as bad as the many mistakes in mili- tary strategy which you have so often made, dear Ben, you can capture the Democratic Convention, sure. And listen to Puck’s advice. You must ‘‘fol- low your hand” and be all things to all men. The Irish element you must conciliate, or else wherefore live you in a Christian land with Pat. Collins, Johnny Fitzgerald and the erudite Riley? Not to speak of those masses clustering about the purlieus lying around and adjacent to the foot of Hanover street—and the noble patriots of North street. A little bit of Bourbon (democratic as well as liquid) would do you no harm among those noble patriots in Massachusetts who bought Substitutes during the war, rather than take up arms against their southern brethren. Also, show all your votes for Jeff. Davis in 1860 ‘The church you might conciliate by a long rosary at your girdle like the Friar in “Romeo and Juliet.” Mr. Monty Field, of the Museum, will doubtless supply you with one, ‘Tack the Ku-klux on your stomach and the bowie in your boots to prove yourself a true bull-dozer. And in your hands carry the trade-mark and pabulum of your party, the Greenbacks. Put these where they will do the most good. Then, then you will capture the Democratic Convention, unite the Republicans against you —and be defeated. A NURSERY RHYME. : ae a2 ‘THAT young issue-pooler name: Kearney, Who flows over with bluster and blarney, Despises the rich, Politicians and sich, And the Chinesers in far Californy. This Kearney whose front name is Denis, Who passes his hat 'round for pennies, Was bagged in New Yawk When he came here to talk, By Blair, who the snidest of men is. Next day the papers were cramm’'d full Of the speech and the oaths of this sand-ghoul, ‘And when people read it, They with one accord said it Would sure be the death of the d—d fool, Puit Fuuier. (The author begs Puck's pardon and ex- plains that the profanity is due to his close sympathy with the subject in hand.) In is all right, perhaps, to denounce Eve as the author of all our trouble; but it should be duly. considered in her favor that she didn’t run around with an autograph-album asking everyone to write verses in it. A vettow dog may not be as valuable as a black-and-tan, but his bite is just as dangerous. ‘Thus are things equalized. * “Enduring through a long time.” Look in your Webster. THE VERMONT ELECTION. Tue first of Septemberetishers in Autumn, and it also marks theawakening of the political prophet from his summer slimber. His first act is to take out the traditional slate and pen- cil and begin figuring on the Vermant election. The object of this is said to be to ascertain the drif of popular favor, and from it construct de- ductions for the other States. Now it is noto- rious that the voie in Vermont never changes. The Republican majority is always precisely the same. There is never any change whatever, A few days of delightful uncertainty. elapse, and then the returns are footed up, and it is discovered that the Republicans have carried the State. Thischarming performance is gone through with annually with much pleasure to the politicians. It affords a good inducement to editors to use large type in announcing the result, and to display sundry eagles, crows, cocks and other birds of belligerent aspect in recognition of their gladness. ‘The Demo- cratic editors in Vermont have never had en- terprise sufficient to buy this foul-yard outfit, and disconsolately express their views in figures. ‘The stereotyped announcements are as follows — Republican: . VERMONT OURS! Sti STEApFasT! Success! Granite State Overwitetsune Rerut CRUSHING DEMOCRATIC DEFEAT! Majortry THE SAME AS Last Var. The Democratic editors are no less inter- ested. ‘They employ’these head-lines: ickow.) VERMONT! OF THE DEMOCRACY IN THE Mountain STATE. Tue Gioxious AcTio; THEY HOLD THEIR OWN Enormous Gatys ix THE STATE OrrseT py Bap Weare. DEMOCRATIC GAIN OF 17 AS COMPARED WITH 1804 Tre Rerewuican Maroniry rit Sasi as Last Veaw. Apart from affording an opportunity for crows and head-lines, we do not see that the annual Vermont election is of much practical significance. And when we come to consider that there is er any change of sentiment there, we perceive that it affords a poor basis for calculations and comparisons. It may as well be stated that, unlike the rural districts of Pennsylvania, where Andrew Jackson is still a favorite, the voters of Vermont dochange from time to time ‘The principal changesare patriots from New Hampshire who come across the border to vote, a_kindness which the Vermonters adjacent re- ciprocate every March when the election in New Hampshire occurs. When a man fires at a flock of birds and kills his son, who is standing directly behind him, he is not more surprised than were Blaine and his stool-pigeon, Hale, on the morning after the late State election in Maine. We sincerely hope that the freebooters known as the Brooklyn Ring will be squelched when they go to Syracuse. It is about time that Brooklyn was cleansed; it has had a moral yellow fever scourge long enough. ‘Tue woodland glades are lovely now In gold and scarlet lustre, And on the swaying, breezy bough The minstrels cease to muster, Which should be sufficient warning to the average young man that the proper time has arrived for the shooting of that duster. comicbooks.com