Puck — June 19, 1878 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. 13 THE CREAM OF THE BUCKET. CULCHAH, College students refuse to wait on hotel tables some more.—Boston Post. A SWEETLY SOLEMN THOUGHT. Praise God from whom all blessings flow that Beecher is not mixed in the present inves- tigation.— Oil City Derrick. NARROW PARTISAN PREJUDICE. Anderson says he is now a Democrat. It is: pretty difficult to see how he could be any- thing else -and lie the way he does.—orris- town Herald. A CAUSE OF COMPLAINT. The Zrade List calls Emperor William “another of those hateful monopolists. He is enjoying almost a complete monopoly of the assassination business.”” POLITICAL CONSIDERATION. Anderson might have been hired to keep silence for twenty-two cents, and perhaps it was mistaken economy that refused to give it to him.—Buffalo Express. RESIGNATION. It is announced that Victoria C. Woodhull will not return to the United States. The United States, in that case, must struggle along without her.—. O. Picayune. THE CHAMPION. “Gath” can’t stand Anderson's threatened championship, and he has got himself sub- panaed by Potter. Now for it, boys! We incline to bet on “Gath.” He’s had more ex- perience.— Phila, Builetin, AN EXPOSITION ITEM. The Paris hotel-keepers now charge Ameri- can visitors $20 for a ham sandwich, but a toothpick that has been soaked in mackerel brine can be obtained in some places for half that sum.—Shiladelphia Kronikle-Herald. DOES SHE REALLY? Over the door of the parlor in the house of one of Dansville’s nicest widows is the fol- lowing suggestive motto: ‘Seek me early.”— £x. That's good for the widow; but a mar- ried lady in this town has over the door, “I need thee every hour."—Af. Morris Enter- prise. REWEY REDIVIVUS. A Middletown girl placed some nearly- hatched duck’s eggs in her bosom, and thus helped a brood of young ducks into the world. Young men in that region will do well to omit, in the interests of the poultry crop, their usual Saturday evening embraces, until after the hatching season.— Mew Haven Register. EVENING, It is lovely at the tender vesper hour, when the rose-fraught zephyr curls the lakelet into ripples, and coquets sweetly with the rose or oleander, as the case may be, to sit and watch the stars twinkling in their spheres, to press Geraldine’s velvety little hand and tell her soft things to the tune of the peripatetic organ. grinder.— Wild Oats. Coronet INGERSGLIL calls the grave “the windowless palace of rest."—Zx. ‘“ Paneless palace of rest” would sound puttier.—/hi/a, Bulletin. ‘Tue eloquent man, full of burning thoughts, is to be kept on ice until the 4th of July.—”. O. Picayune, It’s now about time to start Spitz dog stories, so here goes: Yesterday, a Spitz dog bit a crippled saw-horse, and in less than half an hour that horse was writhing in all the ago- nies of hydrophobia.—Xronikle- Herald. Ir is becoming more and more evident every day that an iron-clad war vessel would make an excellent sinker for a fishing line.— Phila, Kronikle-Herald. Puck speaks of the Bashi-Bazouk at home, and every one of the New York dog-catchers considers himself personally insulted.—/Phi/a. Kronikle-Herald, Newark, N. J., police made a raid the other night ona place called ‘‘ The House of Blazes,” kept by a woman. It is suspected that her first name is Helen.— Morr. Herald. Jonax ought to congratulate himself on how much safer he was in the whale’s belly than he would have been in an iron-clad man-of-war. —Cin, Sat, Night. Tue clerical courts of Brooklyn relieve the regular courts and the police courts of much labor by trying and acquitting their own cler- gymen.— Picayune. Joun and Ida, married, Lived in Idaho forlorn, *Cause John hung round that tavern And let Idaho the corn. —Cin, Sat. Night, Joun Suersan, according to the Little Rock Gazefte, is ‘‘a throttled thug.” We don’t know what this may happen to be; but it is safe to say that John Sherman ought to be ashamed of himself.— Buffalo Express. Jupce Levissee, according to his own testi- mony, was offered $100,000 to give his elec- toral vote for Tilden; but it seems he stood out for $200,000. We very much fear that Judge Levissee is a hog.— Oi! City Derrick. It will be a great comfort when the whole of this country is a hundred years old. ‘These dribbling ‘‘Centennials,” after the big shower in 1876, just keep things damp, without doing the country any particular good.—Fhiladelphia Bulletin. ‘Tue following memorandum of an outfit for a fishing party is made by an old hand at the business: ‘‘ Whiskey, fish-hooks, whiskey, flies, whiskey, fish-poles, whiskey, bait, whiskey, change of clothing, whiskey, more whiskey. Rome Sentinel, He was a school-boy of eleven, and had a mind full of interrogation points. When he asked his teacher “‘ Who was Ocles, and what was he cursed for?” his instructor nearly split his head thinking before it occurred to him that his pupil referred to Damocles.—Worr. Herald. Gen. Puitip Sr. Georce Cooke protests against taking from the cavalrymen the sabres of their papa. He is not wise. The cavalry soldier should fight with his carbine. With a good horse he can always cover himself be- ind the infantry line when in close quarters. If he attempted to use the sabre he might get hurt. — Picayune. A Cuicaco paper tells of the light weight which bakers in that city give to bread, and speaks significantly of a way they have in Tur- key of nailing the ear of a baker to his door- post when he is discovered to have sold bread of short weight. Such an usage would be wholly impracticable in the windy city. Cover up a whole block with a Chicago man’s ear?— Cin. Sat, Night, “ ANYTHING new or fresh this morning?” a reporter asked in a railroad office. ‘ Yes,” replied the lone occupant of the apartment. “What is it?” queried the reporter, whipping out his note-bobk., Said the railroad man, edging toward the door: ‘ That paint you are leaning against.” Such are the loads a news- paper man must bear.—Xeokuk Constitution, _A QUESTION before the house—“ Can't you give a poor fellow something to eat?”—V. J. Rep, Ir a man spends money like water, can he not be said to regard a fiver as a sort of eau de V?— Wild Oats. “Gatun” is expected to tell the truth before the Potter committee. It will be the Greatest Effort of his life, if he does.—Dervick, Wit Josep, of Ackley, La., while dry- ing his head with a towel, rubbed off every hair, besides eyebrows, mustache and whiskers. it must have been a printing-office towel. The Pp. 0. towel, it may be as well to explain, is frequently used by the foreman to rasp off a brass rule when he can’t find the file.— Cin, Sat, Night. “Now, if this bondholding contract,” shrieked Brick Pomeroy, “‘is not canceled and the debt paid in greenbacks, let it be paid in bayonets.” Let us see; where was this blood- drinker when bayonets were legal tender in this country? If memory serves us right, a bayonet as long as the Union Pacific Railroad couldn’t have scratched the back of Brick Pomeroy’s coat at that time, though it had been socketed on to the end of the north pole for a handle.— Hawkeye, Mr. Bennett, of the New York Herald, sends a cable dispatch to a Baltimore paper announcing his intention to come back to America in July and set himself right regard- ing his duel with Fred. May, on account of the numerous misrepresentations that have been made through the press concerning it. After the Potter Investigation into Hayes’s title to the Presidency is over, we think Congress ought to tackle the Bennet-May duel and in- vestigate that.— Cincinnati Saturday Night. Wuen night serene and amorous, With its lovely moonbeams glamourous, Over earth doth wing; As a general thing ‘The tom cat 's with rapture clamorous, And at that hour, fragrant, chaste and mute, We hear the dire fiend practicing on his flute. —Oats, How sweet 'tis with a pretty girl To linger on the beach, And watch the wavelets foam and curl And for a biscuit reach, How sweet tis with a girl petite Into the waves to go, And, as the lobster grabs her fect, To list her plaintive “Oh!” To watch the breezes woo her friz And listen to her sigh, Now, really how sweet it is You know as well as I. —IWild Oats. ANOTHER woman knocked down and car- ried off, in New York, in broad daylight. ‘This time her name was Zenobia, a relative of Miss Hosmer.— Phila, Bulletin, «Jersey justice” is sustaining its reputation over in Camden. The court-room where the murder trial is going on reminds one of a cir- cus, except that the merriment seems to be more genuine and unrestrained.— Philadelphia Bulletin, b Wuen an editor carefully contemplates his subscription-book and views the vast number of delinquent subscribers enrolled thereon, he buries his face in his hands, heaves a sigh that sounds like the soughing of the wind among the pines of the mountain side, and wishes he were in heaven and had the money for his clothes. —N. J. Republican, comicbooks.com