Puck — March 13, 1878 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. “PUCK”, No. 13 North William Street, New York. FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Tenms To SuBscRIBER: ‘Qne Copy one year, or s2 numbers... ne Copy, at months, cr 26 mumbers. ‘One Copy tor thirteen’ NOTICE. No. 26 (issue of September sth, 187) of ** Puck” will be bought at. this office, No. 13 North William Street, at full price. THE NEW ALLIANCE. Tue Great Russian Bear has so exercised his phenomenal hugging powers on his good, loving and confiding friend, ‘Turkey, that the dear bird is perfectly dazed with the excite- ment of the new sensation. ‘rue the grip at the gullet is just a trifle tight; but what of that? Some animals have this peculiar way of mani- festing their unselfish affection. The Russian Bear is essed of such a frank and gencrous disposition,"-<hat he impulsively clasps. his friends to* his bosom with the heartiness of an old sea-dog who meets a former messmate. ‘The Bear believes not in silken fetters or striking with a feather, but he certainly means well—oh, yes. He throws his protecting paw over the lonesome Turkey when all the other animals have deserted and neglected her. Rus- sia—virtuous, noble, self-sacrificing Russia—is the Good Samaritan among nations. ‘The prayers and groans of the oppressed ne'er pass by. her unheeded. Did the Poles call upon her for freedom? With what wonderful promptitude wastheir ap- plication granted. When Bulgarian Christians objected to being chopped into mince-meat— Jo! Holy Russia substantially protested against this style of doing the business. Liberty, honor, charity, rectitude, and a rigid adherance to treaties, are her distinguishing characteristics— the knout, Siberia, the possession of Constan- tinople, to the contrary notwithstanding. PROPRIA QUE MARIBUS. : S an alleged humorist, and therefore in some sort connaisseur in that line of business, Puck wishes to add the weight of his testimony to the assertions here- tofore made by various respectable writers, to the effect that the’ divine spirit of humor has never effected a lodgment in the pure bosom of woman. A woman may be witty. She acquires wit as an accomplishment; just as she would cultivate a knowledge of music even if she had no taste for it; because it is a prime requisite in her as- sociation with men. But the inborn genius of humor is foreign to the idea of feminality. Watch her course from the cradle up. Until she is sixteen years old she giggles. Then she comes out of her boarding-school; makes the acquaintance of a man and learns to laugh. Afterwards she marries him, and then she prob- ably ceases to laugh. But that is not pertinent to the argument. It is a well-known fatt that women never laugh among themselves. Nor are they face- tious in the course of everyday life. If you meet a man in a fog as solid and generally un- desirable as a Limburger cheese, you say to him: “ Fine day, isn’t it?” ‘his is not humor- ous in itself, but it gives him an opportunity to reply: ‘‘Damn fine!” with a ¢omedy twist on the damn; or ‘Fine weather for ducks,” or something else that is brilliant and clever and calculated to brighten social intercourse. But if you say that to a woman she replies earnestly: “Do you think so? I don’t like it a 4i#.” And, speaking of street encounters, you never knew a woman to hail you cheerily with a “ Hello, old skeezicks, how you was?” Ne, she slips ber hand gently into yours, and inquires in a tone of tender regard and interest: “‘ How've you been?” This may be sweet; but it is not funny. But here we find the key-note to the whole question. Women are too sympathetic; they feel too keenly; they enter too readily into all they see, to note the humorous side of things. When a pair of young lovers get to billing and cooing in the glorious idiocy of love's young dream, all the women in their neighborhood are inclined fo encourage them. They try to bring the disease toa head. ‘The men simply laugh at the spoony twain and let them coo themselves out. Take another instance. Take some very ab- surd and ridiculous object. ‘Take Sammy Cox, for instance. Women don't see him in a funny light. They either pity him when he makes a contemptible exhibition of himself, and murmur kindly: “Poor little wretch!” or they grow indignant at his pranks in the legislative halls of the nation, and cry out that it isa disgrace and an outrage that he should be there. Men simply laugh at Sammy Cox. ‘There are circumstances under which the lack of humor in a woman may be a good thing. Any husband will tell you that there are times in his married life when it becomes incumbent upon him to rise and explain. ‘The excuses he makes on these occasions are frequently slight in texture. Offered to the average male guyer, they would excite a laugh. But in the infinite credulity and charity of a woman’s heart there is room for them. She takes them all in, and never dreams of regarding them merely as a huge joke. Which is well for the husband. Perhaps, after all, the women have chosen the better part, which shall not be taken from them. Perhaps we men are laughing too much and too freely. Perhaps it is putting too fine a point upon it, but it must strike the candid mind that we are rather straining the capacities of humor in laughing at national dishonor and corruption in high places, and that there is a remarkable paucity of humorous possibilities in the present political situation. Purkerings. Winter, old boy, most time to begin slip- ping off that lap, you know! ‘Tue spinal system of Roscoe Conkling seems to have gone to join the backbone of winter. WE suspect that Bland is at the bottom of these Sing Sing exposures. He naturally would perfer a lax system of discipline when he gets there. FATHERS-OF-FAMILIES who are about to make mysterious disappearances are reminded that it lacks just an even month of Spring-opening time. A Minority, considered simply asa minority, doesn’t amount to much. But a minority run- ning in double harness with the Right, has the inside track on all creation. A WATER-COLOR artist has committed suicide in Hartford, Conn, We have always thought that this temperance movement was well a in its proper place; but that it should not carried into the arts. Sprinc is upon us, and the young man's fancy will be lightly somersauiting toward thoughts of love just as soon as he can shake his ulster and his influenza. Sotip monochrome tweeds are to be the fashion for men’s wear this season, and the young man of the period will no longer imitate the bounding zebra of the equatorial plains in the pattern of his spring suit. “Tue Police Captains are ready to receive applications from persons who- desire to carry pistols.” Puck burns to carry a pistol, several six-shooters fact, to defend himself from those misguided and unhappy individuals who inflict on him their verses and paragraphs; but there is an insuperable obstacle: Puck does not wear-—well, he has no pistol-pocket. WE write before the arrival of the European mail; but we are willing to bet anything you like that the next number of the London Punch contains a pun on Lent— Fare for Fasting Invalids — Lent-ills” — or something of that kind. If it didn’t, conservative England would rise in outraged horror and demand: “Why this wild and reckless innovation?” We interrupted a promising game of marbles the other day. It was in progress on the side- walk. We balanced ourselves for an inappreci- able period of time on a mig.” We feel fully confirmed in our original idea that marbles should not be permitted on the street; but we should not mind it so much if there had not been a large blood-alley just were we landed. The rules of the game probably required its presence in that particular location, but the same provision should have been made for seat- ing the spectators, Dr. Mary WALKER has made application to the Washington authorities to be appointed a special policewoman, that she may protect her- self from the small boys who hoot at her in the streets. Now all she wants is to be made a justice-of-the-peace and a petit jury to try the offenders, and a ten-day-cell to lock them up in, and then perhaps she will be comparatively easy in her breeches. Grant is in Greece. He was escorted into the Pirceus by three iron-clads, and has generally had a good time. ‘The day’after his arrival he received a deputation of Athenian statesmen, who waited on him to present him with an address of welcome. ‘The distinguished guest listened respectfully to the remarks of the spokesman, and then nudged his accomplished son. “Jesse,” he whispered, “tip ‘em some of their own language. Where's all your Greek ? Jump in.” “I don’t want to, father,” pleaded the young man. “What did I pay for your education for, then?” was the angered parent's reply, ‘‘ go on along; don’t you hear what the gentleman’s saying to you—‘ Bouleuentain bibelauton bube- lomenai katseusomai kiphepsoi peisileusthain’— “Yes, papa,” responded Jesse, meekly, ‘ but he’s only fooling you.” Prose for Albany Legislators and Chas. A. Dana: If Jones, ot Oneida, who is 70 years old and has eleven children, can drink 27 glasses of beer on a Sunday, how many oranges would President Hayes have to take to get a square drink at the same rate? comicbooks.com