Puck — February 27, 1878 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SSS PUCK. : “PUCK”, No. 13 North William Street, New York. POR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Terms To Susscripers. Ges Covy coe years oy 32 embers, < ‘Une Copy, six months, or Oe Copy tor direen wed ae ALL OVER THE WORLD! PUCK’S ALMANAC. PRICE 15 CENTS. $00 Those who have not died happy have never read Puck’s ALMANAC. Those wishing to die happy will please take notice. ~ Over 10,000 copies gone already! | NOTICE. No. 26 (issue of September sth, 1877) of * Puck” wid! be bought at this oficc, No. 13 North William Street, at full pric ‘THE PLAGUE OF SILVER. | In our cartoon we present to our readers the melancholy spectacle of the country overrun by the silver dollar locust, which is eating up the gold and everything else of value. This pest must be got rid of at all hazards, With congenial spirits they are enjoying the choice coinage of the country in fancied secu- rity. They will not be disturbed just yet. Give them all the rope they require, and the final result will be eminently satisfactory. It is like an attack of small-pox or measles, and must drag its slow length along in running its course. The veto of Hayes is the Paris green, the arsenic, which is to consign these omniverous vermin to a none too early grave, and is to be a nail in the political coffin of the crooked- minded politicians who seek to force prosperity on a country by an unjustifiable and dishonor- able repudiation of its solemn obligations. Puck has almost exhausted this silver subject —and as speech is said to be silver and silence golden, and it’s the gold he wants, he'll say no more about it at present. NEW POPES FOR OLD ONES. Our politicians ought to take a lesson from the cardinals and Roman authorities, and then conduct elections here on the same principle. The saving in cursing and swearing would be immense. The Papal Returning Board have counted in Recci as Leo XIJi,, who immediately mounted + the throne, and has since been hard at work getting his toe ready for business. Yes, there can be no mistake about it, these cardinals know what they're about. ‘The anxiety of the cardinals té have a head without unnecessary delay is perfectly natural. The tentacles of the successor of St. Peter are far-reaching, and the faithful in the most remote part of the globe have to contribute equally with those nearer home. ‘The occupation of Pope is a profitable one, and it is strange that he has no rivals in the business. Tue next Washington’s Birthday we'll have wrung out, if you please. “Dalsies” appears to have been a medizval compositor of proverbial skill. Shakspere men- tions, with the air of referring to a well-known epoch, the one sole occasion upon which ‘‘Dai- sies pied.” — Brann isn't a thief. Notatall. He'san honest man. The fact is, you can’t regulate these things according to a cast-iron model. Circumstances and silver bills alter cases: Honesty is honesty; but then all honesties are not the same honesty. You've got to deal with the matter fairly, and conquer your prejudices, as Mr. Webster said to the abolitionists. It's dishonest to steal things. Nobody denies that. People ought to be put in prison for it. It’s against the law. But if you pass an act of Con- gress putting theft on an equal basis with trade —making a double standard, as it were—why, it’s all right. It's the proper thing to do. Now, you see, here’s Bland—well, you understand the situation as well'as we do, now. Bland’san honest man, Of course he is. So is Belknap. So is Galpin. So are Netter and Bonner. So is Reddy the Blacksmith. Honest! Why, honesty’s Bland’s strong hold. He’s too pure and simple- minded and innocent to cheat. See the wings on him! See the aureole—he’s got it cocked a bit over his left eye-just now, but that’s no matter. Why, the spirit of a new-born babe is a bank-president alongside of Bland! — You see, the trouble is that you are not looking at this silver question in a sufficiently democratic light. You’re taking a narrow view of it. You want to look at it from the stand- point of the laboring class—from the standpoint of the small tradesman—the shirtmaker, for instance, who charges you thirty-six dollars a dozen for the shirts that his seamstresses make up at twelve and a half cents apiece. Take the standpoint of this martyr. You understand, it is only the bloated bondholder who is kicking against this silver bill. Of course he paid for his bonds in gold at a premium, and we are going to pay him in silver worth go per cent. of its face-value. But then it’s perfectly legi- timate to cheata bloated bondholder. Ofcourse, the bloated bondholder is identical with the prosperous merchant; the safe and solid man, who neither fails nor rehypothecates, and who generally keeps trade active and healthy. But then, perhaps, it isn’t advisable to look at the bloated bondholder in that light, just at present. Now there's the tobacconist around the cor- ner, the shrewd, industrious man who is build- ing upa trade and earning an honest livelihood. He wants silver, He'll take all you can give him. It’s good enough money for him. Why should he care if, at the end of a year, gold goes up, so long as he hassilver ?. Why, indeed ? Oh yes, that’s so; he buys of a jobber. And the jobber of an importer—yes, certainly. And the importer of the manufacturer in Cuba—yes. And they haven’t a silver bill in Cuba—no, probably not—ignorant Spaniards, they don’t know enough. Then—what’s that? e'l/ have to pay in gold ata premium for the stock he sells in silver at a discount? Here, you get out of this! go away! you don’t know what you are talking about! you're a bloated bondholder! —Only play! God bless them, the dear little innocents, they wouldn’t hurt a kitten. Just the over-flowing exuberance ot youth, you know. They tied the young man down toa chair and beat him till he nearly fainted, then they shaved his head and poured over him such liquids as were convenient; and otherwise put indignities upon him, then there is a blank in the record of proceedings, which those who are acquainted with the playful disposition of the college-boy can readily fill; and then they shot him in the thigh and left him. And you abuse them for ¢haf? You wish to have them strung up to the whipping-post, just like any low-born laborer who beats his wife or scars his child with a red hot poker—you wish to have them beaten on their bare patrician backs? Outrageous! Have you, then, no appreciation of the finer sensibilities, the delichte needs and cravings of these subtly-constituted natures? Do you not know that all this kind of thing is absolutely inseparable from a collegiate course, and that it is forthis that universities are found- ed, universities that take immense donations from the millionaire in articula mor tis; that de- mand big fees from poor parents; that teach boat-racing and the higher liberal culture of the nineteenth century, and that give dinners at Delmonico's? You don’t? You're a rude Beeotian boor. No, we will not tie the sweet darlings to cruel whipping-posts; we will not beat their poor backs; we will send them home to mama, who will console them for the wounds their ten- der spirits have received from the remarks of the brutal men who don’t like their pretty kit- tenish ways, and they shall lie on the sofa and have their heads bathed with cologne, these gentle, vivacious cherubs of the revolver and the nail-studded paddle. — We wish to call attention to the case of the Ulster. We are aware that there is a popu- lar prejudice against the garment; we are not ignorant of the fact that it has even been linked in the estimation of the public with the Helmet Hat. The utter indefensibility of the latter article of wear we will gladly yield. It is a proper object of scorn and contumely. But the Ulster has its advantages.» No man will deny this who has ever worn a short over- coat out in a storm, and then sat down and felt his soaking trousers strike a wet chill to his knee-pan. ‘The Ulster enfolds in its generous embrace the upper joints of a man’s legs, and even toys coquettishly with his ankles. ‘Then there is the comfortable band clasping your midriff. It makes you feel likea belted knight. Just here we must protest against any possible imisconstruction. ‘The knight who got belted was the worse off out of a possible two knights, in the era of chivalry. We use the phrase simply in a poetical sense, to do justice to one of the charms of the Ulster. It has others. There is the hood, which is a handy thing to leave on the hall-table when you go out. ‘There are the vertical pockets in the breast, wherein you can put your hands and keep them warm, even if you do look as if you had a stomach- ache in a new place. And the Ulster lends dignity to the wearer. * Backed up by a pair of eye-glasses and a silk hat, it hasea professional air. We ourselves have seen a journalist look—absolutely —respect- able—in the Ulster. We say this not because we wish to soar away into the airy realms of fancy; but because we wish to let the world know that the Ulster’s adaptive nature teems with unlimited possibilities. We plead that the judgment in the case of the Ulster be reversed. We have reason to think it will be. Ulsters have gone down in price. A vast portion of the population of the United States must ere long awake to the fact that certain two-year-old brown beavers are long past sponging and new velveteen collars, and will have to be shot, and that promptly. We look for a revulsion of popular feeling. Ou, yes, Grant was a fraud and a beatand a despot, but the handle to his name was Genl. and not Mrs. Tue Rev. THomas K. Beecher married a granddaughter of Noah Webster. Quite a spell after the old man died, though. Mr. Cox seems to have mistaken the State he was sent to Congress to represent. We will leave Indiana to return you next time, young man. comichooks. ain