Puck — January 30, 1878 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. “Hav! ye gat airy clock to sell—somthin’ noice, for a present to me sisther?”” “We have all kinds of clocks,” replied the jeweler; ‘(24-hour clocks and 8-day clocks, from a dollar and a half up to three hundred dollars in price. Here’s one that will just suit you—a fine French clock, worth $15.” “Divil take yer Frinch clock! Give us wan that me sisther kin understhand whin it strikes!” —Oit City Derrick. Lancevot and Ludwig met in the middle of a muddy crossing yesterday. Lancelot button- holed his friend, and asked: “Can you tell me why—no, that’s not it; can you tell what day this is?” “This? Why, this is Friday, to be sure.” “ Notso, my liege,” replied Lancelot, poking him playfully in the ribs; “it’s mudday.” The rest of this story is soon told. Lancelot had reckoned without his host, for Ludwig drew a revolver and shot him through the heart full seven times.-- Os! City, Derrick. “James Dosss,” fell in solemn tones from his honor, ‘‘ you are charged with the heinous crime of defrauding your employers out of goods entrusted to your care to the amount of one dollar and twenty-five cents. Now, sir, guilty or not guilty?” “Judge,” briskly re:ponded the sharp-eyed prisoner, “ If you'll let me figure it out as it is with them swindling life insurance chaps—call my little affair embarrasssment or irregularity, or even malfeasance in office, I can wade through as straight as a string. But if you in- sist on having it called plain stealing, on ac- count I ain’t one of them high-toned best soci- ety gents, just rub in the workhouse salt from the word go and have done with it. Mind, though, if you do send me up, bet your life the next thieving and false swearing I do will be handling bank deposits where I can do it safe.” —Buffalo Dispatch. “TRuTH” writes to us for the definition of the word “‘ Statesman.” He might have looked in a dictionary, if he had thought of it. But a “Statesman” is aman who makes his living by stating things so as to make people believe that he is utterly given over to the public good.” Senator Patterson-is a Statesman when he says: “Tain't such a fool as to resign as long as I can lie here and draw my $13 a day.—Phil. Bulletin. A timip girl came in and laid a poem on our desk, which opened as follows: How dear to my heart is the goat of my child- hood, When fond recollection presents him to me; The beautiful beast which whene’er he was riled would, Make everything fly from the presence of he. My mischievous Nan was the frowiest butter ‘That ever did but a stone fence till it fell; He'd see it a coming—a scream he would utter, Then brace his four legs and go at it pell- mell. Oh, how he would buck it! An iron-bound bucket. : Ie once tried to buck it, and died in the well, We read it over three times, for it seemed familiar. Then we asked her point-blank if she wrote it herself. She fixed an eye on us | j while the other went out the window (poor girl) and she said in a faltering voice that she did. So we accepted one verse, at so much. It is a very pathetic little picture of rural feli- city, but it certainly reminds us of something we have seen before somewhere. — W. A. Croffet, Tuere isn’t a bald-headed man in the Cab- inet, but there would have been if Gail Hamil- ton hadn't stopped to count 100 and give her feelings a chance to settle.— Wortester Rewey. “Minnie MyrtLe”: writes us a charming little poem beginning, ‘ Life is not-all thorns.” Well dog gone it, did we say it was? Don’t come howling at us about a statement we never made; go to the man who said life is all thorns, and den’t go fooling around him with poetry, either, Just slip a brick in the toe of a long- legged stocking, and hide it behind you and’ wall up to him and tell him he’s a primordial liar, and dassent take it up. Then, if he makes a motion, swing the stocking and stave in the top of his head. We're with you in this thorn business, and we believe you are right.—Hawk- oe. Morrissey is reported much better, but he is not yet able to challenge comparison.— Derrick, BLaine could lend a charm to a funeral.— Boston Post, Doubtless he will some time.— Worcester Press.+ AMD YET BEING SOLD AS. COMPRESSED “YEAST WORTHLESS IMITATIONS S CENCINE ARTICLE -GERMAN LIEDERERANZ. 28th ANNUAL MASQUERADE BALL, ACADEMY OF MUSIC, Thursday, February 7th, 1878. Tickets at $15—admitting gentleman and two ladies, under the customary condition, can be had from the following gentlemen: Wa. Sraixway, Steinway Hall. E fo. $0 Park Place. er Staats. Zeitung. fo. 39 Nassau Street. 108 Grand Street. rman Savings Hank, 14th St Chamters Street, J. von Gian, Boxes and ticket and Sc & Cu ARION SOCIETY. GRAND MASQUERADE BALL, THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 21, AT GILMORES GARDEN. Tickets admitting gentleman and lady $5: extra ladies’ tickets Application for the same will ed b id & cd St: F.J. Kaldenberg, 135 Foito v. Twenty- |. 302 Chatham rutina, Guggenheim, 08 Third Crickets and ‘boxes at R. Katzenmeyer, 139 Broadway, and Hanft Bros., 795 Broadway. , Colton Dental Association. ORIGINATORS OF NITROUS OXIDE GAS FORTHE PAINLESS EXTRACTION OF TEETH. Established July rsth, 1863. OUR SPECIALTY IS EXTRACTING TEETH. Over 100,000 operations recorded on our scroll. ‘We have given it to all ages from a to 85 years. Office, 19 COOPER INSTITUTE. PUCK’S Pictorial Department SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT. Havinc completed all necessary arrangements, and in compliance with numerous requests, the publishers and proprietors of Puck take pleasure in announcing that they have opened a GENERAL DESIGNING OFFICE, where the services of the best artists in America, including those of the dis- tinguished cartoonist, Mr. JOSEPH KEPPLER, are employed in furnishing all kinds of Illustrations, in the most perfect style, on short -notice, and at reason- able rates, The Theatrical Profession will find it to their especial advantage, in arranging for LITHOGRAPHIC PORTRAITS, to apply at this office, where Mr. JoserpH Kerecer is in personal charge of the department. Address, Puck Publishing Company, 13 N. WILLIAM ST., NEW von) ' bee T o