Puck — January 23, 1878 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘THE average German cares little for the mu- sic of Wagner and Von Weber and Spohr, and those fellows, without the accompaniments. ‘The accompaniments usually consist of lager beer and pretzels.— Norr. Herald. Tuere is a great deal of truth in the state- ment of a cotemporary that when a man _ fails in business people say he has ‘gone up;” but you never hear his creditors make that asser- tion when they attend his obsequies.— Yonkers Gazelle, Grant used to be accused of helping on his relatives; but here is Postmaster Key, now that he is in office, gives Cedar Key, of Florida, a fast tri-weekly mail.—Free Press. Yes, and he’s one of the Sea-Cedar Keys, too.—hila, Bulletin, On the theory of the survival of the fittist, the tailor and the dressmaker ought ere long to possess the earth.—Boston Advertiser. Will not the epileptic come in for his share?— Wor- cester Press. Yes; and the prize-ring combat- ant ?— Graphic, Dip you ever sit down before the grate and cross your legs and wonder how it comes that a dear little toddling youngster, too small to lift a dictionary, can ask questions that would send a college professor to the foot of the class ?— Cin, Breakfast Table. A man down in Bradford, Pa., cured himself of the dyspepsia by chasing a chromo-agent over a mountain nine miles high. We look to see this remedy more generally adopted. ‘The only trouble with it is that there may not be enough inountains to go around.— Burlington Hawkeye. Rev. O. A. Brown is lecturing down the Mohawk on ‘Misplaced Men.” When the father of a pretty girl goes to sleep by the parlor- fire at nine o’clock Sunday evening, he is about as misplaced as a man can be.—Kome Sentinel. StNcutakr, ain’t it, that when a man gives his wife a dime to buy a box of hairpins, or a gum- ring for the baby, it looks about seven times as big as when he planks it down for a little bitters for the stomach’s sake.— Cin. Breakfast Jadble. ‘Tue British Bible Society reports an astonish- ing demand for the Bible among the Cossacks. Over 60,000 have been distributed within the last few weeks. The excellent linen paper makes the best of gun wadding, and thus the gospel is spread among the Turks.—/rreligious Paragrapher. Wuite Tripod and his wife were sitting in the theatre last night he nudged her in the ribs and said: ‘There comes the reindeer,” when she, with a troubled look on her face, glanced at her lavender-colored silk dress, and ex- claimed, “And you didn’t bring an umbrella.” —Boston Herald. ‘Tue theory is fast gaining ground that old Mr. Lord and his new spouse sought a place of concealment as soon as married to decide the all-important question which should get up first in the morning to build the fires and do the marketing—and have not yet reached a deci- sion.—Norr. Herald. AGENTLEMAN in England committed suicide the other day, and left a paper stating that he did so because his wife was a great deal too good for him, That's why the jury returned a verdict recording their opinion that the de- ceased ‘‘ was of an unsound state of mind.” — Sarcastic Unknown, A Great fall in pew rents in fashionable New York churches, next May, is anticipated. Proh pew-door!—New Haven Journal. Ecclesiasti- cally speaking, a good many people have struck aisle here of late.—V. Y. Com. Adv. And if the aisles give out, of course the knaves won’t pay their pew rents.—Fiila, Bulletin. Porte complain that the warm weather is unhealthy at this season. On the other hand we overheard an undertaker complain that he hadn’t sold a coffin in three weeks. A conflict of opinion evidently exists, but we believe the undertaker has the best of the argument, although the most unprofitable side of the case. — Whitehall Times. ‘Tue far-seeing small boy who belongs to many Sabbath-schools during the picnic and holiday seasons, but lapses into a condition of religious inactivity when these seasons are over, can now get back on his stern parent by asking him why it is that he steers shy of the sanctu- ary now that Brother Kimball is abroad in the land.— Worcester Prezs. AN exchange says that a new way of fasten- ing on ladies’ hats is to bore the tops of their ears, pt in gold loops, and have the hat-strings tied through them. Thus step by step we tread the pathway to perfection, and ere the darkness of death envelopes all the world, man will have utilized his nose in holding up his pants or pulling on his boots.—Fullon Times. EncLanp— You stop pounding that boy.” Russia—‘‘ I'll pound him if I want to.” E.— You wi will you?” “Yes, I wi E.—Oh, you ‘wi R.— Course I will.” E.—“ Oh!” And that’s how the matter stands at present. —Detroit Free Press. Miss Mary A. Buttarp, neice of Mrs. Henry Ward Beecher, was married at West Sutton, Mass., lately, to Mr. F. D. Tucker. The bride and groom stood in the same place in which Beecher and Mrs. B. stood when they were married, more than forty years ago,—. We Suttonly hope that the young couple will never stand in the place which Beecher occu- pies now.— Phila, Bulletin. A CORRESPONDENT says there are ‘no pretty squaws among the Sioux Indians.” Perhaps not; and yet there comes a time when the young brave loses his appetite for bear meat and the juicy buffalo steak, and invests the dollars of his father in shoe-blacking and hair oil, and devotes more time to tying fis cravat, and writes odes to her eyes, and makes her a present of his photograph in a gold frame, and gives her peanuts and chocolate caramels, and keramics, and pale-face scalps, and other con- fections, and finally marries her, and hammers her black and blue if she doesn’t get up two hours before the sun and split wood and build the fires, and earn money to buy him plug to- bacco and fire-water.— Norristown Herald. Another sixty days or so, - And where the snow-bird pranks, A dozen sons of Italy Will kerosene their cranks. And stirring up the innards Of that hurdy-gurdy thing, Insult the air of heaven With the lie of ‘‘ Gentle Spring.” — Youkers Gazette. In Memoriam Brigham Young. To supply the demand for the above-named illustration, depicting the ‘‘ Mormon’s Empty ft \g to the fact that the edition of “Puck” containing it has been entirely ex- hansted, the cartoon has been published as a single sheet, and can be obtained from any newsdealer in the country. “PUCK” PUBLISHING CO., 13 N. William Street, New York. ee a CENCINE ARTICLE ——————$—$ German Printing and Lithographic Inks BLACK AND COLORED, for all typographic or lithographic purposes. JAENECKE BROS. & F. SCHNEEMANN, Hannover. ‘Sigmund Ullman, 57 Maiden Lane, New York, Sole Agent for the United States, BRONZE POWDERS IN ALL THEIR VARIETY, Otto Stietz’ New York Glass Letter Co., 611 BROADWAY 611 AND Cl ERY ORD! DIRECTIONS FOR ADJU: SHIPPED WITH NICOLL, The Tailor, 139—149 Bowery. $3.00 to $10.00 12.00 to $40.00 "2.00 upwards, PACHTMANN & MOELICH, 363 CANAL ST.,N. Y., offer great Bargains in WATCHES, DIAMONDS, JEWELRY. STER. LUNG SILVER AND TRIPLE PLATED WEDDING AND HOLIDAY GIFTS in endless variety at close prices. ABERLE’S TIVOLI THEATRE, Sth Street, near 3rd Avenue, The finest and most comfortable Variety Theatre in the city. Opera, Ballet, Pantomimes, Vaudeville, Farces, and Gymnastic FIVE HOURS OF ENTERTAINMENT. Admission, 25 cents. Reserved seats, 60 cents. Reserved seats in Boxes, 73 cents. Balcony, 15 cents. Marmear vary THvxspay, Aaission 15 cents. ‘The Tivoli is the best Variety Theatre for families.