Puck — November 28, 1877 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. We don’t suppose there is a syllable of truth in the report that Lippincott’s clever story, “What a Boy!” is to followed by a com- panion volume by Oakey Hall, entitled, “ Wart a Girl!” —Worristown Herald. Wuen Vermont convicts get tired of bein in prison, they knock the jailer down and wal off with his watch and revolver. Evidently something else is green in that State beside the mountains. — Phila. Chronicle. Wuat is the difference between a seaport town of Arabia and pussy in an interesting condition? Don’t know? Why, where's your geography? One’s Muscat, of course, and the other must kitten.—Oi/ City Derrick. One of the Kentucky Minstrels is his carte in character. Operator: look pleasant — smile a little.” smiles.) “Oh, that will never do. wide for the instrument.— Unknown E. Ir seems that Commodore Vanderbilt was as remarkable for his complication of diseases as for his enormous wealth, Yet he was invaria- bly written up by the newspapers as the most robust old duffer agoing.— Worcester Press. ting for Now, sir, (Minstrel ’s too In Milwaukee they call a ladies’ afternoon party a ‘ coffee.” What Mocha-ry! — Com- mercial Advertiser. Mocha-ry, indeed! What Java party of that name called? We think it is a Rio-ly good name. —Boston Advertiser. Distincr sounds, produced at the rate of twenty-three per second, become a continuous sound, and the Richmond newspapers are look- ing forward to the day when they can speak of the roar of the Moffet bell-punch.— Worcester Rewer. Nat Goopwin, custodian of the Weathers- byan ribs, reports himself as saying to the of- fending party that he “ was no gentleman, and that if he was I would knock him down.” Thus we see the advantage of not being a gentleman, — Worcester Fress. . A Lapy who objects to profanity because it is both wicked and vulgar, writes to know what she ought to say when a clothes-line breaks, and lets a week’s washing fall in the mud. She ought to say: ‘ Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth;” but probably she will not think of it.—ome Sentinel. ~ Gipson says he caught the pose for his “Wounded Amazon” by watching a girl who was catching a flea. But he leaves the public in doubt as to the most interesting question of all—whether the girl succeeded in cornering the little devil.— Worcester Press. Cause and effect: A sixteen-year-old girl out on Columbia Street has a button-string four yards long, containing 1,973 buttons. And that girl's father fastens his suspenders on his trousers with a shawl-pin, a piece of twine, and a sharp stick.— Burlington Hawkeye. Tom—“ Harry, what makes you look so down in the mouth? Has your savings-bank busted?” Harry—‘‘ Oh, no, it isn’t that, but I’m so confoundedly afraid that my girl will make up with me before Christmas that { don’t know what to do!” —Newark Daily Courier. &We see by our exchanges that if you hang a sweet-potato by a string, in a jar of water, something or other will happen. We do not remember what the papers say, but we will stake our reputation that the jar will get upset two or three times a day.— Rome Sentinel. A GENTLEMAN observing a servant girl who was left-handed placing the knives and forks on the dinner-table in the same awkward position, remarked to her that she was laying them left- handed. ‘‘ Oh, indeed,” said she, ‘‘so I have. Be pleased, sir, to help me turn the table round.”--Faragrapher-who-ought-to-be-sat-upon. le THE ear-piercin; scream of the American eagle is again heard in the land. It has been some time since we have had Congressmen who could twist the tail of the Bird of Freedom artistically. But we've got 'em now.—Syracuse Standard. ‘Tue Philadelphia journeymen tailors have formed an association called the ‘Order of Adam.” What Adam ordered in those days is rather difficult to ascertain—Puck. History has established one fact in this line. He never ordered any clothes for his wife.— Oil City Derrick, ‘THE butter-working artist who produced the “Dreaming Iolanthe” is now at work on an- other figure, to be called ‘ The Coming Man.” A boarding-house victim suggests that it should be called “ Samson;” but we believe Samson's strength was dependent upon his hair.— /Vor- cester Press. “ Speakinc of riddles, Mr. Jones,” said the landlord of a down-town boarding-house the other day, “ can you tell the difference between a beefsteak and a shingle? No? Then I'll broil you a shingle hereafter every morning for breakfast instead of beefsteak.” Jones has moved.— Unknown Exchange. Necessity is the ‘mother of invention; neces- sity knows no law: therefore the mother-in-law is not a necessity.— Worcester Press. Yes, and bread is a necessity, and therefore bread is the mother of invention; and a gun is invention, and, therefore, bread is the mother of a gun, and the grandmother of a son of a gun. E. D.—FPhila, Bulletin. Boston maidenhood is happy over Rignold as royal Harry. The tender lingering kiss which he gives the Princess Katherine meets a want long felt in the xsthetic of the modern Athenian maids. It is a thing not seen or heard, for it is buried under the moustache and the princess drinks it in with impressive silence. But it thrills every woman in the audience.—/ortland Press. ‘Tue Presidential ministers are preparing for a holiday trip to Louisiana. The end-men will be those distinguished masters of the bones and tambourine, Messrs Evarts and Key, and the middle-man will be the unapproachable leader of the troupe, who has recently won the most unbounded applause from the most criti- cal audiences of Virginia.—S¢. Louis Globe- Democrat. “Women graduates,” says a Philadelphia paper, “are knocking at the doors of the Mas- sachusetts medical society.” Bully for the Massachusetts women! Out in this country it is the poor husband who has to get up and dust at midnigh’s holy hour and pound bed- lam out of the doctor’s door with a brick, after he has pulled the bell-knob out by the roots.— Hawkeye. ‘THe famous “crater” in the fortifications around Petersburg is completely overgrown with a peach orchard, the trees growing from the peach pits the soldiers scattered around there. The man who drinks peach brandy from that orchard will literally drink a “drop of the crater.” But if the peach pits grew so well, why is it none of the rifle pits came up? — Hawkeye. Harrissurc lovers can sit up all night with their girls—gas only ninety cents per thousand. York Dispatch. Pottsville lovers are led out by the ear at ten o'clock —gas $3 per M.—Afiners’ Journal. With us, if a fellow has the proper regard for his intended father-in-law, he re- duces the consumption of gas to the lowest possible point, thereby allowing two sympa- thetic souls to commune for hours at a very trifling expense to an otherwise irate papa—gas $3.50 per M.— Worcester Press. AN AUTUMNATIC IDYL. In the gloaming they were seated, And ‘twas then he kindly treated His idol to roast chestnuts by the score; ‘They were very, very happy, And they fed from out her lap he Replenished from his seeming endless store. They munched and cooed in spells, And scattered wide the shells. When suddenly she shivered, gave a squirm, And her eyes like door-knobs grew, As a chestnut down she threw, And shrieked aloud in terror: ‘‘ Ugh! I bit into a worm!"— Unknown Ex. Many Southern journals, in speaking of the death of Morton, the statesman and patriot, call him “a bad man,” and fiendishly rejoice in his death. Thesame journals mournfully al- lude to the late Confederate pirate Semmes as a hero, a statesman, and a saint. Make your own comments.—Worristown Herald. Art a target-shooting in West Albany, New York, the other day, Dr. Lansing fired at the mark’ and killed Charles Capper, the scorer, aged forty, who was standing forty feet from the target. This is another warning. We have often pointed out how dangerous it was to stand’ within forty feet of a target when amateurs are practicing with the rifle. ‘The safest place is immediately in front of the board.—orris- town Herald. “Your father is growing old, Licinius,” Cicero remarked, one day, listening to the ven- erable Macer apostrophizing, with many exple- tives, a slack clothes-line in the back yard, “your father is growing old.” “Oh yes,” replied Licinius, looking up from his parchment and catching a few echoes of the spirited and profane monologue that came float- ing in at the open window, “yes, the old man’s swearing away.” And Cicero sighed and went away wonder- ing just what Licinius meant by it, and not exactly liking to ask him.—Hazwekeye. Presipent Hayes's civil service order puts us in mind of a story of a profane darkey who had a weakness for praying at all times and places. One day when the pious fit came on, Pete knelt behind a small hay-stack, and prayed: “Lord a mercy if I've done anything wrong to-day, take'up a big stone and hit me on the head.” A boy happened to be on the opposite side of the stack, and hearing Pete’s words, threw a rock over on the darkey’s knowledge- box. Pete jumped up, and scratching his pate, exclaimed: ‘“ Look a here, Lord, can’t dis nig- ger say anything in fun without you taking it in earnest ?”— Turner's Falls Keporter. Tue Hawkeye man had his funny column thrown into a wild muddle by somebody in the compusing room the other day. But, he isa philosopher, and thus he teaches a lesson to the impatient: “It is these little beauties of his profession that the careless world cannot understand or comprehend that makes the journalist love his profession. As adog does hickory. This is the last time we are ever going to complain publicly. When in future the American people see things in this department they can’t under- stand, they needn’t pester us with letters of in- quiry. There are thousands of ene in it that we don’t understand, either. fe are amazed, bewildered and enraged. They will have to ask the lynx-eyed proof-reader. Don't ask us. We are not going to talk about it any more. We believe in retribution. We can be calm, We believe in the futurest kind of future punishment. We are going to take things that we write just as the compositor and proof- reader get them up for us, and we are going to do our growling and swearing privately.” comicbooks.com