Puck — October 31, 1877 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘Tue New York World says, “ of what use are the legs of a pair of trousers below the knee ?” Not much use, we confess; but the trouble can be remedied by putting on a pair of suspenders and hauling them up where they belong.— Worcester Press. An-exchange says: ‘‘It makes one sad, when treading up the costly carpeted aisles of an up- town church, to think how many church mem- bers belong there who have not good clothes enough to attend the preaching of God's word. We are spared all this sad feeling by attending where there are no costly carpets, and where a man coming in late drowns the organ with the music in his sole.—Rochester Democrat. A Man who hadn't any good clothes worth mentioning, and whose red nose was more pro- minent than his old hat, entered a Congress street saloon yesterday, gave the barkeeper a military salute, and said: ‘Let me introduce myself as General Barton, just in from the plains.” “How do you do, General—gently now—ah, there you go!” replied the barkeeper, as he took him by the neck and pushed him out on the walk.— Unknown Exchange. “Ayp are you really happy? and wouldn’t yop like to be a bachelor again?” asked a New- ark bachelor, the other day, of a married friend who espoused a beautiful girl only a year ago. “Happy!” echoed the benedict; “ happy! Why, of course I'm happy, and I wouldn't change back again for all the world. But I say, Fred, let me give you a quiet word of advice: Don’t be a blasted fool and get married. You hear me?”"”—Newark Cail. ‘Tue Chicago Fost mildly remarks that when St. Louis wants an obelisk an old shoe of one of our belles will answer the purpose. Chicago's monument was designed to be built out of old safes from the fire, but in consequence of a lack of material the work has languished. Now, how- ever, they are Lara’ safes out of the broken savings-banks, and the top of their raonument is expected to tower out of reach of the smells of the river.—S¢. Louis Paper. Ir is reported that the administration is de- sirous of appointing some one from Pennsyl- vania to the English mission; but Secretary Evarts, it is said, has resolved “not to put men in high places who have not been able to attract public attention to themselves.” How unfoytun- nate that'John S. Morton, the over-issue railway resident, of Philadelphia, is not a Republican. le has succeeded in attracting a huge amount of attention to himself. It is not always the man who is best known that should be appointed to fill high positions, Mr. Evarts. ‘There are scores of editors in this State, scarcely known ten miles from home, who are more capable of performing the duties of the English mission than men who have “attracted attention to themselves.”” [P.S.—We don’t want the blame mission, under- stand.]—. Norristown Herald. “You cannot, oh day-star of my life,” he pleaded, throwing himself at her feet; “(you can- not refuse the rich exhaustless mine of love I pour out at your feet, you cannot turn away from the rare treasures of my heart's devotion that I cast before you, you cannot turn away from all this lavish wealth of heart and hand that is yours to take, and say me nay!” She couldn’t and she didn’t; it sounded too wealthy. ‘That was nearly four years ago. Day before yesterday he gave her $3.85 to run the house a week, and when she said she would have to have a new pair of shoes he raised the appropriation to an even dollar, and grumbled about woman's extravagance till he was out of hearing. Oh woman, woman, thou of the tender heart and trustful soul, if you don’t scalp a man raw every time you get a chance, you are a little idiot, all the same.— Hawkeye, “ Wuere are the boys?” anxiously enq! areligious exchange. Why, bless your innocent soul, don’t you know where they are? George is down cellar hooking choice eatables for school; Henry is in the back yard getting ready to blow himself up with a rusty gun; Alexander is indulging in a fight with a boy in the next house and getting his face built over into a German chromo; while William is being im- pelled wildly and vivaciously over the barn floor, the motive power being a trunk strap deftly wielded by the old man. That's where the boys are.—Kochland Courier. A story is told of two New England deacons, between whom a bitter feud had long existed concerning some contested point. Neither pou yield, and the matter threatened to be handed down to the next generation, when one day Deacon Smith appeared before his old en- emy and solemnly said: ‘Brother jones, it is a shame that this quarrel of ours should bring scandal upon the church. I have prayed earn- estly for guidance in the matter, and have come to the conclusion that you must give in—for I cannot.”— Unidentified Ex. 9 i a tre of aff fessdhmann ¥opy COMPRESSED YEASY WORTMLESS IMITATIONS SCAU, LELISCHAANN & COS. UD GENTINE ARTICLE VOLKS-GARDEN-THEATRE 199 & 201 Bowery, betwe, Rivington & Delancy sts. Mus. A. P. FALK. PROPRIETRES: THE CHEAPEST, MOST ATTRACTIVE AND D ING VARIETY-THEATRE IN NEW YORK. Open all the year round. New Artists every week. Four hours of entertainment every evening. Commencing at 8 P.M. Admission 10 Cents, Balcony and Orchestra Seats 20 Cts. Seats ia Boxes 75 Cts. ABERLE'S TIVOLI THEATRE, Sth Street, near 3rd Avenue, Thefinest and most comfortable Variety Theatre in the city. Opera, Ballet, Pantomimes, Vaudeville, Farces, and Gymnastic *erformances FIVE HOURS OF ENTERTAINMENT. Admission, 25 cents. Reserved seats, 60 cents. Reserved seats in Boxes, 73 cents. Balcony, 15 cents. (NER EVERY THURSDAY, ApMissiox 15 cents. the best Variety Theatre for families. FRIEDRICHSHALL BITTERWATER THE,ONLY RELIABLF. ‘Th best for popular and domestic use where apurgative is re- quired. Does not interfere with business occupations. Superior to and cheaper by one-half than other bitter waters. The certificates of the most eminent medical authorities through. ‘out the world, and the millions who have used it, proved its un- disputed merit. ‘wine glassful or more before breakfast. Sold everywhere. ‘The trade supplied by the sole agents Bouche Fils & Co., No. 37 BEAVER STREET, NEW YORK, Pictorial Department SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT. Havinc completed all necessary arrangements, and in compliance with numerous requests, the publishers and proprietors of Puck take pleasure in announcing that they have opened a GENERAL DESIGNING OFFICE, where the services of the best artists in America, including those of the dis- tinguished cartoonist, Mr. JOSEPH KEPPLER, are employed in furnishing all kinds of Illustrations, in the most perfect style, on short notice, and at reason- able rates. The Theatrical Profession will find it to their especial advantage, in arranging for LITHOGRAPHIC PORTRAITS, to apply at this office, where Mr. Josern Kerrier is in personal charge of the department. Address, Puck Publishing Company, 13 N. WILLIAM ST., NEW YORK. comichooks, om