Puck — July 18, 1877 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“PUCK”, No. 13 North William Street, New York FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Terns To Suscrisens, One Copy one year, ¢7 52 numbers, ‘One Copy, six months, or 26 numbers. Ove Copy for thirteen weeks y and artistic contributions are solicited. Address all mapu- Wl sketches to Editor “Puck”, th Willam St, New Yor! PUCK'S CARTOONS. THE TEMPERANCE HERO, Corter is not only an egregious nuisance, but an outrageous humbug and monomaniac, Because he, forsooth, has forsworn liquor, (al- though Puck doesn’t know how much Cotter usesin private,) every other man must be robbed of his beer. Puck has resolved to sit down on Cotter, who will, of course, submit. One thing is certain, the people of this state have no re- spect, nor will ever have for such a howling simpleton as Cotter. ‘The Count Joannes and George Francis ‘Train are much wiser men. The best way to keep people sober isto let them drink as often as they please, and to do away with unnecessary, restrictions on the sale of liquor; civilized mankind cannot be made vir- tuous by act of legislature. Moral and intel- lectual training only can do this, Still less can a retired rum-seller hope to influence sensible people onsucha question, and toargue in favor of abstinence from liquor on economical grounds is supremely ridiculous. If men didn’t want any luxuries; if beer, wine, whiskey, cigars are to be considered extravagances, it is only a step to look upon in the same light, tea, coffee and a thousand other things in our system of civili- zation, until by degrees we approach the con- dition of Adam and Eve when they had that picnic in the Garden of Eden. THE CUCUMBER SEASON. Dolce far niente is the motto of the more or less important individuals who are represented in our cartoon, lying off, doubtless to enter in- to brilliant autumnal campaigns with renewed vigor. ‘Tilden is the least happy of the cu- cumbers, as his countenance indicates, although he probably tries to keep as cool under his distressing disappointment as the proverbial quality of the fruit demands. Nast may dream of a great national event which will afford a new field for a display of his caricaturing powers. ‘The poor, powerless Pope hopes yet to con- found the knavish tricks of his enemies. Bis- marck thinks of the blood and iron he has in readiness to take part in any little unpleasant- ness that may arise. Conkling now sleeps off the effects of his great speech on the Electoral Commission Bill. Butler yet hopes to wreak vengeance on every- body and everything that have crossed his path. Ottendorfer mourns his impotence to in- fluence even those who think as he does, and the Plymouth Church pet, the great Henry Ward Beecher, waits for his hay-fever, on re- covering from which he will proceed to preach as hypocritically and earnestly as heretofore, PORTRAITS OF CONTEMPORARY CELEBRITIES, We have much pleasure in presenting to the ten million subscribers of Puck our international j portrait gallery. No. 1 is ex-President and General Ulysses S. Grant. No. 2 Dr. U. Simp- son Grant, Professor of Tabaccology of Oxford | (England) University. No. 3. Burgomaster U.S. Vondergrant of Brussels. “No. 4. A strik- | ing portrait of Hans Grantz, a noted German idler. No. 5. Rabbi Moses Grantawhiskey, Polish shining light. No. 6. ‘The famous S | Ulyssesokoff Grantovitch, the handsomest man in Russia. No. 7. Ulysses Pasha—very popu- lar in ‘Turkey, on account of the encow ment he has given to the tobacco interests “of the Empire. No. 8. A justly celebrated Capuchin | Monk, Father Grantazzi. No. 9. Mons. le General Ulysse de Grante, a great military authority in France. No. 10. ‘Ihe prize Vienna | loafer Grantschané, No. 11. Kamiagrantaha, | an enterprising Hawaiian Islands nobleman. TELEPHONOGRAMS. LATEST FROM THE SEAT OF WAR. FROM ‘ PUCK’S’ SPECIAL ARTIST-CORRESPONDENT, FirtH AvENvE Hore. Kars, ARMENIA, James Gordon Bennett is on his way to New York. The P. I. man is shaking in his boots and is cracking the wildest jokes, that Bennett may be able to take a good smile on his arrival. The Rev. Henry Ward Beecher has notified Mukhtar Pasha, that there is to be no increase of the number of beans that make five. The Russians have driven the Turks into St. Petersburg, and the Turks have driven the Russians into Constantinople. ‘his unexpected strategic movement has caused unmistakable disaffection among the Kurds, who now know the whey to the swill-milk stables, and have called upon the Cologne Potato Bug to organize them for a trip to Yonkers. Hoboken official intelligence from Ballston Spa explains very fully how the proprietor of the Columbian Opera House is getting along in the Antarctic Theatre of War. Private Godabadkoff, having reached the Yosemite valley by way of the Hebrides and Ward's Island, was marching northwest by east, a little southerly, in the direction of Wood- stock, Conn., when the Tartar-emetics, oc- cupying the fortified position of Terrace Garden, menaced his right rear left flank, breaking into open column right in front. To prevent an attack of Jim Jams and cholera morbus, Drummer-boy Rye-Whiskey, before going up in a balloon, had to turna somersault and attack Gilmore's Garden. The | that Samuel didn’t pay his income-tax. attempt failed, and now neither John Kelly nor ex-Judge Hilton can get a glass of lager without paying the full price of five cents. THAT REVENUE CUTTER. Just as the paper was going to press, the type- slinging fiend sent up a demand for more copy. We gave out a subject to two of our champion paragraphists—-subject being an news-item about the loss of a revenue cutter named “ Grant.’” We let them both loose at 20 minutes past 4 p. m, and at 4:2314 the winner came under the string with this one, beating the second two lengths: “The Revenue Cutter ‘Grant’ is reported lost. ‘I'here must be some confounding of ex- Presidents and de jure or de facto Presidents. ‘The only revenue’ cutter we've heard of is Samuel J. Tilden, according to the Republican newspapers.” This is the way the second broke on the home-stretch: “We are inclined to doubt the authenticity of the information. It has a touch of the suburban humorist about it—and yet we are told in an item, found in a column of a news- paper that is ordinarily entitled to belief, that a revenuc cutter named Grant has come to grief. Now if that revenue cutter had been ‘Tilden— you catch the subtle doud/e entendre about the revenue cuter, don't you? Or perhaps you don’t remember that Republican papers claim How- ever, we won't believe this item about Grant at all; if that revenue-cutter wasn’t called Tilden, it ought to have been—and that’s all we know about it. Heavens, what caz a man do in | weather like this to bring in a joke?” FLORENCE'’S DEBUT. ‘Tue cleverest of comedians, Florence, made his début in the humble capacity of a watch- dog. He had to bark from behind the scenes. At rehearsal, he put so much realistic art in his impersonation, that he got into a diffi- culty with the prompter’s bull-terrier. But the manager was doubtful of the presence of mind of the novice when he came to face the ordeal of an evening performance. “ Won't you be afraid ?” he demanded. “ Mebbe,” said Billy. «Suppose you get so scared that you can't bark, what will you do?” ‘There was a moment’s pause, and then Wil- liam said, very meekly: “Til wag my tail.” ‘THE RULING PASSION. ‘Tue editor of a rural newspaper wandered to this city the other day, and dropped into a church while the Sunday-school services were in progress. He fell asleep and woke to find a children’s paper on his lap. With the true journalistic instinct he picked it up, and he had read through a column and a half of assorted Bible-texts when the officiating minister lighted on him, and, laying a patronizing hand on his shoulder, inquired how he liked it. « First-rate,” was the reply, ‘and I’m glad to see you credit. But where the —— did you strike your exchange list?” As he yearns for his summer vacation ‘To relieve him of some occupation, He counts o’er his money, And with voice sadly funny Says: “I’m short fourteen dollars! Deesassee!” comicbooks.com