Match as a Fakir; or, The Pumpkinville County Fair — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ee ee. eek ee. ~" 12° THE N dollars, un’ the tew sides ov the family each other now.” « “Bad as the Tuckertons and the Whangtowners, I puf 10. “Du yeou know them folks?” exclaimed Mr. Meadow, in sur- “T met them at Obadiah Wheatfield’s golden wedding last ht,” I replied. we sic whe at Ob eet yy a ‘*Yes. o you know Mr. eatfiel< “Du I Aad him!” cried the old man. ‘Lands ov Goshen! Him an’ me is cousins. e was agoin’ ter the celebration, only Olarissa’s mar had the newralgy so bad we couldn't.” “Tu tell us about the weddin’, Mr. Columbus,” putin Clarissa. “J hain’t never been to no celebration like that yet, an’ I know they must be deownright splendid an’ luvly! So I let ont on the golden wedding. Let out with bells on, too. T made it out to be the grandest success the golden wedding section of celebrations had ever known, ech poor, dear Clarissa to ery because she had not gone anyhow. And I sialdoned incidentally what great friends Mr. Wheat- field and I were, how he had begged me to stay with him for 4 month or two, and how very, very Sorry I was that business compelled me to decline the invitation. ; And Mr. Elizur Meadow took it all in, andin return asked me to spend the evening and the night at his home. At first I demurred. I had a friend and—— Bring the friend along. Besides I didn’t want to intrude. Then Clarissa put in her oar. She wanted me, too. Wanted me badly. So I finally said I would come. And I made up my mind to entertain ones yOOne lady in a way that she would remember as long as she lived. don’t so much as notice CHAPTER X. THE TWO FAT GERMANS. We parted at the entrance to the fair grounds, I promising to meet them on the return, and then I calmly waited for Jim to drift along. While waiting, two burly Germans—regular kegs in appear- ance—stumped up to me. “Say you, vare ist dot ticket-oflice, them. ,*What is it?” I asked. ‘Vere ve got tickets?” put in the other keg. ennahow?” asked one of \ ‘J’m sure 1 don’t know where you got your tickets,” I returned. ‘No, ve vant to get tickets,’ explained No. 1. “Oh, you do?” ‘*Yah.” ‘All right, you can,” I replied, pleasantly. ‘Vat?’ “JT said you had my full permission to procure them.” ‘‘Donnervetter!”’ growled the first keg. ‘‘I vant ter puy dem.” ‘Yes, that’s the best way to get ’em,” I rejoined. ‘‘Stealing is cheaper, but you might get caught.” Both of them glared at me. «‘T said I vanted ter puy tickets, und I vanted ter know vere I could puy dose tickets,” howled No. 1. “Ob, 1 understand, you want to buy tickets,” I replied. tig hone me of tickets—square, oblong, or round?” “Vat ed ‘©What color do you prefer, red, blue, or pink?” Donnervetter!”’ ‘‘Have you any idea as to the design or finish?” jor du sone veel A egg both in concert. ‘You might try the office,” I suggested. ‘The few thousand pasteboards left.” ag Bogs rcudtn ‘‘& few thousand!” exclaimed keg No. 1. ‘‘Maybe more. But you'll have to get measured first.” Sid ve get measured?” asked keg the second, in astonish- ment. ‘‘T don’t believe they have got tickets to fit.” ines f they h ‘‘Aud even if they have, you'll have to go throu gate; oad get stuck fast in the turnstile” I ela zie ey : of them shook hpi heads doubtfully. t the same instant I espied an empty tick eee door open: te! e-office near the I thought I saw a chance for a bit of fun, an i to the front of this, and then quietly slipped in baina st Inside, I put on the false mustache that was still in m: ocket and then opened the little window. Y pocket, , TA . J et, 3 Sit? 4 » Ff ee eee é ,. ce. be ' " 4 . ae yak #: t Se 7» Py OW, % be. ae & ~ o- ‘~ * te. - ’ a ; ' .-iou ? C= — 4 ae | ee ¢ ular we-don’t-stand-any foolin, 1n a reg - ° na ta dey OTe "a 4 > . ap -d , nN a wt . | 2 Dy, “Well, sir?” I asked, ha No. 1 quickly explain the three days of Fhe nis, as well as pen and ink, probably for 0 curds, haa 5.49 wk 7. rh . at : 7 : : *S ae i. wes m | ie od what he wanted—two tickets for _ —_ ~ , 4 4 ‘ Near by Jay som rin the morning. : Ait NS Re ees ase by the be et three seconds to write out two cards, ag follows: pane ss ; - atic. Handle him with care. He can. «This man deat i enca nke his card an admission ticket to the not read or tout, he often imagines he is a German, and in world. Being Ss" to the Scatterbrains Asylum at once, him iy ane broken English, ther, ‘alsa a lunatic, may be with him. “oN, B.— aeesk acliaim: pleas e,” I said, before I handed the cardg over. d I gave hi s handed me an X, and I gave him chan re as pay wa: and a one, which he doubled up ma shoved into his pocket without counting. = : Then he took up the tickets, and I skippe S One or the other might take 16 into their heads to read what [ had ‘written, and then it wouldn't be safe for me in that neigh. borkood. a. taki ff -7 ot Jook at the cards, and, taking O the mus- ane: they fed over to the entrance to watch the fun. t long in coming. fgiks hate it aes no Noalge admission day, but yet there was a man at the turnstile to keep out improper persons, To this man they presented the cards. d them over carelully. when be looked the Germans over carefully, and handed the cards back. | “All right,” he said. And after a terrible pile of hauling and squeezing, the two kegs passed through the turnstile. ‘Petter haf dot gate made larger, sweat from his forehead. : “Ter-morrow we ton’t eat our dinners bis ve got trough,” uffed the second. : Meanwhile the ticket-taker had beckoned te s policeman, and the two held an earnest conversation. ee Then the policeman called up two men in citwzen’s clothes, whom I rightly took for detectives. eee Presently the trio separated, and the twe deteetives ambled up to the two Germans. “Why, how do you do, Mr. Brown!” them. “My name vos Schmidt,” replied keg number one. ‘‘Vat you want?” ‘We have got news for you and your brother,” said detective number two. ‘Mine brudder?” queried Mr. Schmid. “Yes, sir. We've been hunting all over for you. Some one very sick at Pumpkinville wants to see you.” “See me, hay?” exclaimed Mr. Schmidt. Then he spoke to his friend in German. I don’t know what he said, but it must have been something about confidence men. ‘‘Vas it mine vife?” he asked, innocently. ‘Yes, sir; she’s very sick.” “You don’t toleme. Vas mine brudder’s yife mit her?” _ “Yes; they want you both to come at once. We have a car- riage at the gate, and can take you right down.” ‘I vould go, but for von ding,” replied Mr. Schmidt. with » twinkle in his eye. | “And that?” questioned the detective. Bb lg @ schwindler; both of you vos schwinalers!” ‘Oh, I know you, und of you ton’t go vay I have you by & xtgleal locked up quick!” sontiined Mr. Schmidt, joudly. das ua cee friend, Mr. Banerman. I don’t got no brud- ssa e ton't got no vifes already. Clear ouwt, you hum- Th sce : one were taken back. They had clearly “stepped But they were not to b t off. They were ne i for themselves, Ben 7 sil 5 “You com “We want eee with us, anyhow!” exclaimed number 0n¢ ‘*Yes, and don’t make ; a3 “Go mit you!” cried Map share calnigey added number two. as @} | vay Ouwt, you humbuggers!’ repeated Mr. Schmidt. exclaimed one of determined to make a record **VYou’ ers! h vé got to go with me! cried record-maker the first, and im off. of Mr. Bauerman’s arm, and attempted to W | comicpoo cS ’ said No. 1, wiping the com