Match as a Fakir; or, The Pumpkinville County Fair — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

~* '". the horse’s hind feet. _yiolent. When he isn’t on the reaper question, he’s as nice a chap as you ever met, : _ A moment later we went to the parlor, and there I introduced rd Jim to the Wizard agent. That agent was as sweet as condensed honey. Finally Jim suggested dinner, and Mr. Binder immediately aioe to dine fe expense. e dinner was a fine one, and after each of and was feeling contented with himself and the one iy pass that agent began to feel his way for an order. He talked reaper from all points of the compass, he argued teased, coaxed, and threatened: he offered to bet a thousand dollars that his machine was the king-pin of the universe, and the only one that made agriculture profitable, and wound up by cream that it was only a natural-born idiot who would buy any other. And Jim sat there the picture of distrust, until, when Mr. Binder button-holed him, he sprang to his feet unable to stand it any longer. “YT don’t want to hear any more about your confounded reaper!’’ he cried. ‘‘You’ve nearly talked me to death!” ‘Yes, but, sir, look at the superior inducements——” “Oh, rats! You ought to be put in an asylum!” howled Jim. ‘‘My ears won't get overit fora week! You’re the worst crank T ever met!”’ ‘Yes, but——” “Not another blasted syllable or I'll heave you out of the win- dow! lI ain’t going to be talked into an early grave by a galoot whose folks are too mean to hire a cage to put him in!” stormed my partner, as he rushed for the door, and I after him. . ‘‘You’re a swindler!” retorted the agent, in a rage, ‘‘a mean contemptible swindler. You don’t know a reaper from a mowing machine. I'll have you arrested as ahumbug!”’ And he was so mad he could do nothing further but dance around and shake his fist at our retreating forms. CHAPTER IX. STORIES ON THE WAY. Jim and I left the hotel and walked off toward the fair ground. Presently I got tired of walking. Sol calmly waited until a nice farm wagon came along. It contained a regular hayseed individual of about seventy, and his pretty daughter of seventeen. Picking up a bit of glass, I hid it in the hollow of my hand, and then called out: ‘Hello, there! Hold up!’ _ “What doyeou want, young man?” replied the old man, slack- ing up. ‘Your horse is lame,’ I replied, stepping to the animal’s side. ‘What, Tom lame!” exclaimed the girl. know it!” ‘“Nuther’d I,” replied the old farmer. ‘Oh, paw, I didn’t ‘‘Wait till I see.’’ “Don’t bother, I’ll do it, sir,” I replied, picking up one of ‘Here it is—a bit of glass. He’s all » right now, though he wouldn’t have been in a little while _ longer.”’ ‘‘A piece ov glass, hay? Wall, by jinks! I’m glad yeou seed * it, cause I wouldn’t hev Tom go lame fer a good deal.” ‘No, indeed, paw,” put inthe daughter. ‘‘Poor Tom, the old \@ darling!” Ji gb I replied. - animal, and often we galloped over the pampas at arate of fifteen ' miles an hour.” ‘‘Gwine ter the fair grounds?” continued the old man. I said I was. ‘Hop up, then; yeou kin ride jest as well as not. There be lots ov room.”’ So I climbed up, and took a seat on the outside, with the ' pretty daughter between us. ‘Much obleeged, young man,” said the old man, as we drove along. ‘Don’t mention it,’”’ I returned. “Right good,” was the reply. “The horse puts me in mind of one I owned while in Brazil,” ‘‘Nero I called him. He was an exceedingly swift ‘Nice horse you’ye got.” This statement opened their eyes. They had nover met a man from Brazil, and looked at me as a sort of wonder. ‘‘Well, I swan!’ exclaimed the old man. ‘‘Yeou don’t look like a forriner, yeou don't!” o up some ten or twelve thousand heads of cattle I had bought,”’ -Iexplained. ‘The natives were stealing them, and I went down to put a stop to their work.”’ | “Oh, I’m not a foreigner. I was only there on a visit, looking - —_— “Du tell! Did yeou du it?” spam THE NUGGET LIBRARY. = 0 eee J ‘‘It had to be done,” I went on. ‘But I’ve had worse to do than that. While traveling through Italy I was once stopped by brigands, who demanded my money——” | ‘*Did you hev much?” interrupted the old man, with interest. ‘“‘Not a great deal—twelve thousand piasters—about ten thou- sand dollars.” | “Oh, laws!” cried the daughter. ‘‘What a sum of money!” ‘‘To some people, but not to me,” I put in, incidentally, aes as I was saying, these brigands demanded my money, or my life.” “Oh, laws!” ‘I said I never gave up money on demand. If they had asked for it like gentlemen I would have taken into consideration that the previous winter had been a hard one, but as it was, the could not have it unless they took it out of my pocket when was dead.” “Oh, laws!” *‘Good, good!” cried the old man. he continued, to the daughter. ‘‘Then they commenced to open fire on me. One shot pierced wy coat sleeve, and another put an unnecessary air-hole in my a id ts “Oh, laws!” cried Clarissa. And in her wonder and alarm she grabbed my arm and clung close to me. ‘It was all over in five minutes,” I concluded. ‘I drew out a brace of revolvers, and in a trice seven brigands lay dead, and I rode on unharmed.” “Oh, laws!” ‘*That’s kinder risky business,” commented the old man, with a grave shake of his head. ‘‘Darn ef I want enny briggins a- puttin’ extra air holes in my hat. Did yeou feel skeery like?” ‘‘Not a bit, sir,” I replied. ‘‘I don’t value my life so highly as all that.” ‘‘T had a cousin got the gold fever years ago an’ went to Cali- forny, but he never had no sech adventures as that,” said the old farmer. ‘‘Reckon yeou hev been travelin’ a right smart bit.” ‘‘For twenty-two years—I started when I was only four years of age’’—this to Clarissa. ‘‘What might yer name be?” went on the ‘‘paw.” ‘Charles Columbus, sir; and yours?” *Mine’s Elizur Medder.”’ ‘‘Meadow, paw,” corrected the daughter. **Thar’s spunk, Clarissa!” ‘‘Wall, mebbe, Clarissa, though it was Medder when yer mar , married me. Christopher?” “Oh, yes, we originally stamped from the same family.” ‘Guess yeou an’ the World’s Fair kinder hook tergether then?” ‘Hardly, sir. You see, Christopher’s mother borrowed a bon- net once from one of my female ancestors, and didn’t return if, and ever since that time there has been a coolness in the family.” “Du tell. Wall, I believe that, cause fifty years ago Mash Grinder an’ Sid Grinder had a fallin’ out abeout a tree as was growing atwixt thar tew medder lots. It was ter come deown, and both claimed the wood. They got to quarrelin’ abeout it, an’ finally settled it should go ter the one whose lot it fell inter. Each oy ’em was ter du half the choppin’. Wall, Mash he kinder sized the tree as leanin’ ter his side, an’ he chopped his part mighty quick. Wall, Sid he reckoned as how the tree did lean over ter Mash’s, but he sot his mind ter hev thet wood any- how. His lot was on the east side ov the tree. Day an’ day slid past an’ Sid didn’t du no choppin’, an’ Mash began ter get mad an’ sed Sid was afeerd oy the consekence. But Sid sed she’d cum deown one oy those days, an’ Mash needn't ter worry ‘cause the wood would never be hisn. Wall, one night kem a terrible storm. It blew all-fired hard directly from the west. Mash he went eout ter see ef the roof on his barn was safe, an’ he found Sid a-choppin’ at that tree fer dear life. He hadn’t no more’n got ter the spot when Sid guv the finishing hack, an the rip-tearin’ wind blew the tree five feet over his line. Talk abeout a crazy lunertic! Mash he danced around an swore it wasn’t fair, sed Sid was a dog-gasted hypercrite, an’ ef he didn't roll that tree on the side it belonged he’d chuck him in the mill pond, an‘ the fust thing folks knew them tew men went at 16 an fit so hard Sid didn’t cum eouter bed fer six months after, an Mash couldn’t shet his meouth straight never no more, COD cluded Mr. Elizur Meadow. “And what succeeded this pugilistic encounter?” I asked. ‘What kem arfter the fight?” **Yes.”’ “They were both tucken up ¢fore the squire an’ fined twenty So yeour name is Columbus? Enny relation ter omicbooks.co “Certainly. Though I found it was necessary to have six of = e rascals hun AM ; . eigtcig? bi <i The pretty girl shivered. Ot es aa “Oh, laws! Wasn’t that perfectly dreadful!” she simpered, = 3, ” 1, ¢ 9% € af J] A a 7 ad « * ° ¥, -