Life — June 28, 1929 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| \ \ How To Get Sin The Swim (In Ten Easy Lessons) Or What Every Young Girl Should Know i > | HE M. 1. T. Professor who | advised his boys to be snobs was without doubt handing out the right dope but why did he overlook the dear gels? ... after all they, 7 too, have their way to (OX NA make in the world, some — \ —— of them even without the aid of a college education, (This includes Vassar and Smith) and if they don’t mind their dollars and cents how can they ever ex- pect to live on Park Avenue or the corresponding street in their home town? s Snobson’s Choice Many of our best femmes are born healthy and wise but alas, not wealthy and are compelled to work for a living BUT if they follow Proffessor Rogers’ advice and hob- snob with naught but the élite, they are assured of a place in the sun at Deauville, Biarritz, Monte Carlo, Palm Beach and all points East. . “But how,” cry fifty thousand expectant mothers, thirteen (count 'em) bathing beauties designed and executed by Russell Ziegfeld Patterson. Lesson I If your daughter is a good strong swimmer, give her a pair of field glasses and tell her to stand on the bank of Long Island Sound and keep her weather eye open for a snappy launch .. . after se lecting a particularly swanky one, she must wait until high-tide, which is about fifty minutes after the cock- tail hour, and then swim out to it... upon reaching its side yell loudly for help . she will be res- cued immediately and if she has timed her act properly, the host and guests will think she is amem ber of the party that has fallen overboard ~ the rest is simple. Lesson II Have your daughter disguise herself as a revenue officer and fre- quent our better class speakeasies .. . all — she quicker than she can say “Ri- viera” one of the big opera- tors will ask her if they haven't met at the Lido, etc, and from then on it cught to bc smooth sailing. Lesson I11 Have daughter get a job in the chorus of some big show after which she must marry a chorus boy or some nice shoe clerk... shoot him as quickly and dramatically as possible and then sign’ a vaudeville or movie contract... the rest is simple. (If daughter is at all clever any one of these first three les- sons ought to suffice but if they don't, send one thousand | dollars in cash for | the remaining seven \ lessons). iy The Nose-Dive Here is a speakeasy on the thirtieth “can our poor daugh- ters accom- plish this?” +.» “Sim- ple as rolling off a yacht,” says Knicker- bocker, Jr. leaping to the rescue with has to do now is to listen to the men customers talk and she can quickly tell who has the most money . . . in fact, if the little lady has good ears she may stand outside the speakeasy and hear them . . . having allocated the correct Dunn & Bradstreet boys, all she has to do is change her costume and act like a debutant, that is, stand up to the bar with one foot on the rail, talk loudly and drink her liquor straight... . floor of a mid- town o ffice- building which caters presumably to aviators + at any rate most of the customers seem to be. high-Ayers . . . the name of the place is The Hangar (it should be Hangover) bu 1 prefer my own title comicbooks.com