Life, 1928-12-14 · page 30 of 48
Life — December 14, 1928 — page 30: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate satirical pieces: **Top cartoon:** A movie star refuses to close a curtain during an intimate moment, claiming she "owes something to my public"—mocking celebrities' narcissism and constant need for public attention/performance. **"Celebrities" section:** A gossip-style dialogue at a nightclub satirizes 1920s social life. It lists absurd "celebrities" (a woman with seven husbands, a Broadway gossip columnist, a fake count who's actually a club detective) and culminates in the joke that the only person of actual value is the unnamed wealthy man financing the establishment—lampooning how money, not notoriety, truly matters. **"All-American Racket":** This critique argues that college football team selections have become a commercialized mess. Once selected by expert eyewitness (Walter Camp), they're now picked by countless writers using hearsay. It sardonically predicts radio and television will eventually eliminate the need to watch games at all—satirizing how media and publicity have corrupted authentic sports evaluation.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Mat: Shall I put the curtain down, miss? Movie Star: Certainly not, I owe something to my public. Celebrities “Ps-st—who's that stunner sitting over there at the corner table?” “That's Peggy Joist—you know, the dame who married seven husbands.” “Yeah? And who's the classy-lookin’ guy at the next table?—I mean the guy writing on the tablecloth.” “That's Walton Winship, the news- paper guy who writes all about Broadway night clubs.” “That so? And who's the Italian count at the table next to his?” “He ain't no count! That's a club de- tective—and there's three or four more scattered around, so watch your step— them babies do all the bouncing.” “Oh, I'm okay. Are there any un- usual persons here tonight? I mean the kind that make whoopee in a big way?” “D'ya see that guy over there—with the gang of girls around him?” “Sure—who is he?” “IT dunno—but he’s the guy that sup- ports this place. He’s the only one here who's spending any money!” D..L. Cotie. Tue Newspapers have stopped printing news about that Society for the revention of Useless Giving at Christ- mas. They were receiving too many com- plaints from their advertisers. “Wuata Alice has on “Yes, something ought to be undone about it.”” perfectly hideous bathing suit The All-American Racket Time was when the picking of an All-American football team made only Yale, Harvard and Princeton men sore. Now it infuriates everybody. The de- mand for All-American selections twenty years ago was so moderate that one man, picking one team, easily supplied the trade. Now everyone who can pound a typewriter or borrow a pencil stub picks two or three All-American teams. One reason for the “spares” is that the first team offered in evidence by any picker is usually torn to pieces and cast into ex- terior darkness by rival pickers and critics, There's another notable change. The late Walter Camp used to pick his All- American team by sight. He watched the boys in action and graded them on what he saw them do. Charming simplicity! Almost Mid-Victorian. The picking is done almost entirely by ear now. The great heroes of the gridiron are nominated largely on information and belief ac- quired through hearsay evidence, which is barred in any court of law. The future is brighter still, With the improvement of the radio and television, there will be no need to go to the games at all. In the meanwhile, there are the cur- rent All-American teams. Observe them. Study them. To be a real All-American, a team must have guards, tackles and backs from all sections of the country. How could any critic get more than a brief glimpse at (Please turn to page 37) Kieran “Believe me, if what this says is true, I'm going to quit repressin’ my desires from now on.” comicbooks.com