Life — November 30, 1928 — page 48: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sh-h-h-make your holidays merrier with the pre-war taste’ ‘AKE your drinks as smooth and mellow as in the good old days. You can do it! Now there’s a way to take the raw edge off your supply of ???. Mix it with that marvelous mixer, Silver King Fizz! Yes, sir! It does the marvels you have heard about. It ages, it mellows, it blends, it s-m-o-o0-t-h-s! Silver King Fizz is made of the purest mineral water, plus a lime tang, plus certain secret pure ingredients. The result is a Silver Lining to Prohibition, and merrier holiday parties for you! If you like a dry, refreshing beverage—without any alcoholic tinge whatever—you'll approve Silver King Fizz straight. It’s sparkling —distinctive. P. S.—If you are one of those unfortunates whose dealer can’t furnish you with Silver King Fizz, write to us direct! Give us your dealer’s name and address —we'll see that he gets a supply for you at once. Waukesha Mineral Water Company, Waukesha, Wis. SILVER KING FIZZ That Marvelous Mixer with the LIME tang The Woman’s Club of Camphor, Ill., Turns Back the Clock Mrs. Enna Jute Barnsy Wafts Memorj of Childhood" . “Laypizz auv thee Woommunz Cullub! .++»Huwwen Missizz Smeeeuth ahsst mec tew read a littul paypuh at thisss meeeeeting, I wauz faw thee moment nawn-plussst; I cannut bur-ring fawth j sooweeet melludizz in thee fawm auy varse, like Missizz Pottuh; I cannut, like Missizz Tail-aw, inn-tar-pritt tew yew | thee turrend auv warld moov-mince in polly-ticks; I cannut sssing, I cannut dahnsss faw yew—butt—I can, in my hum-bull fashion, dew something eeeevunn bettuh: I can warft intew yaw nosstrillz fugguttun parfumes frawm thee immy-too-ah care-furree days auv cheeilde-hood! Memmurrizz! TEN-duh memmurrizz!....Thee firsst doll, thatt battud toy-eece, minuss head anduh ahmz anduh, purr-hapsss, legz, butt nevvuh- thullesss_ maw precious than rooob-izz, YAY, than mutch fine gold!. . . . Kurriss- -Huwwat joe-yuss_pick-chuzz pain-tidd by thate majjik ward: KURRISS-MUSSSS!!_ Thee — stukkingz, hanging inn pullump splenndaw, thee turree, bearing itss maw-velluss furroot auv tin-tidd tinsull anduh pakkijizz that urrowz feeceeerce eeeee-motions auv longing anduh kew-reee-ossitch! Anduh Sssan-teh Klawz—that noble sssaint, weeeuth his well-nurrished _pro-troober- untz anduh lux-oooree-unt whiss-kuzz! eRe INTIS Anduh skooooooool! O tenduh skoool days, ware aht thou now? ....Scam-paw-reeng threw thee follun leeeeeevz ecech mawning tawd thee bee- | luvvid fount auv nollidge; playing hide anduh goseeceeeceek ubbout thee plez- zunnt skool-yahd; making littul furrend- ships, that in after yeeeuzz may rye-pun intew luvv! Exchanging innocent seek- ritz, whiss-purring intew eech other's chee-YILE-dish anduh spotliss ece-uzz owuh joovy-nile tenduh-nessizz!....Ah, | those bes-yooty full dead days auv thee t burrid pahssst!....Owuh littul legz tod- dulling they knew nott huwware, owuh littul Sotz beeceeting anduh pull-sating, owuh littul orbs glececeeeece-ming!.... ae Laydizz!l............Wee may possessssss bee-yooteh, wealth; wee may bee gurr-aceful inn moov-ment, fassy-nating inn speceeech, butt, AH! what have wee losssst! Faw nevvuh, nev- vuh uggen shee-yall wee trudge ullong life's parth inn thee slennduh, undy- vellupt fawm auv a chee-YILDE, skip ping anduh hopping anduh bubbulling weeuth shurrill anduh happeh lofffteh!” (The ladies crowd enthusiastically around and assure Mrs. Barnsy that it just simply took them back.) Heman Fay, Jr. Tr a dog bites-a man, that is not news; but if a dog bites a Prohibition agent, that is perfectly all right with us comicbooks.com