Life — November 23, 1928 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SKIPPY’S LETTERS Dear Sooxy: by I'm up at Grand- Percy L. ma's an every Friday night Crosby the band practices in the “ Town Hall, so tonight me an all the fellers went up. There’s about fifteen in the band, an most of them was there ceptin the big horn —he couldn't come or somethin, I dunno. They pull out the big long meetin benches to make a square around the stove. Pretty soon everybody gets tootin up ready to bust when the drummer beats for order. “There’s no head and there's no tail to this band,” he says, “an there's no need for a leader whizzin up a brass cane. So what one says we all say, or we don’t say. “Now what I got to say before the band is this. Next Friday night we can get hired out at Blazer Falls to play tor the barn dance, they're willing to give usa dollar apiece. Seems as how I'd like to hear what us has to say about this. Should we ought to go, or should we oughtn’t to?” “Well, I don’t know,” says the Pic- colo. “Seems as if we ain't ready for socials yet, cause we ain't got uneeforms.” “Well,” says the drummer, “I looked into the uneeforms an I got wrote to by a band house, an I found out that red coats with sky rockets goin up the back seams is $14.00 apiece. Gold shoulder drippins is extra.” “That's all very well,” says the Pic- colo, “but we can’t play at a dance with- out pants.” “Well, why can’t we get the coats?” says the Trombone, “an use these here Pants we got?” “Cause the band ain’t got a whole pair o’ pants between us,” says the Piccolo. “If we get up on that there stage we'd look like a bed quilt.” “Don't forget, there's another thing,” says the Cornetster. ““They’s none of us here can play ‘The Green Mountain Vol- unteer’ nor ‘The Boston Fancy,’ an I don’t see how they're goin to reel off to ‘The Old Oaken Bucket.’ “Well, if they know their steps, it doesn’t matter what music we peel off so long as tain’t too fast,” says the Drum- mer, “some on us can always get some sort o° time.” “Well, we're here for practicin,” says the Piccolo, “ain't we? What are we goin to play?” “Connecticut March,” says the Trom- bone. “That's too good for Connecticut,” says the Piccolo. “Well, no matter,” says the Drummer, “‘let’s go through it oncst, an if it is, it’s easy enough to change Connecticut for New Hampshire,” an before anybody could get a sip of a horn, he starts rollin up the drum. The band is all sizes and ages, from seven to seventy-five years old, an while the drummer is clatterin away, they squeeze up their faces lookin for the notes. Pretty soon they all get to blowin away until the windows in the Hall be- gin to rattle. They get playin so loud that you can’t tell whether it’s flat or it's music. Then up jumps the Trombone, swingin his horn like a hammer thrower, yellin himself purple in the face. The Trombone howls out, “Them little dots ain’t notes! They’s punctuations.” The Drummer only rattle-tattles the harder till it sounds like a pan o’ dishes rollin down the stairs. When his arms gives out he listens to the Trombone. The Drummer is the oldest in the band an used to be a drummer in the Civil War. He says he never learned off'n notes, cause the only notes he ever got learned offa was cannon balls, an there was enough o' them between the lines. One feller says he oughta get quainted with the little black eggs on the paper lines, but the Drummer sniffs it off an says the little black eggs on the ends of his drumsticks were good enough for the Civil War, an he guessed they'd have to do for the band. With that he busts out into a double roll an gives the band the tooth-suck. Affectionately sincere, EXPLANATION OF TERMS Especially Prepared for Those Who Never Read Broadway Columns . .welded ste ....phemme whoopee soup emporium -giggle water . hardened artery - +++ .limp mitt 1. PF. M. BROADWAY SEALED . Phrail Gay place Canned heat Mazda Lane. . Tall millinery. A man who lives to be ninety years old has either never seen an auto- mobile or else he has seen them all be- fore they saw him. comicbooks.com