Life — October 5, 1928 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

that I could hardly bear or believe it, and I do know a woman exactly like the who used to distress me greatly in m innocent youth, for that she could never go a square or two without some adyen. ture, usually amorous, and her recitals did make my own life seem so drab by com. rison, one of her most tantaliziy features being that she could never tj me the names $f her partners in these sketches, for that they were always cal. y [lege presidents, great bankers, heads of £ | railroads, etc. But I inust set down in “My dear, we're going to adopt a child. It’s ever so much simpler.” MRS. PEP’S DIARY by Sepremper 10—Early by motor Baird to Albany, where I did entrain Leonard for New York, and on the luncheon card were grilled Spanish onions, which I did order to the waiter’s tremendous astonishment, but his bewilderment was no match for my own when the tomato surprise which he brought me was found to be full of baked beans. Back then to my car and the sorry discovery that a woman with a small child was opposite me, and the brat did Anterrogate me in a shrill piping on such personal matters that I was at some pains not to reach out and whack it, in especial when it did stumble across my bad toe, and I could not but feel that Herod’s idea was fairly good. But one of its questions, “Why do you read all the time?” is not, methinks, void of sagacity, albeit it was followed by “Why don’t you read a pink book?” For Lord! I am so beset now with a torrent of fall publications that I could almost wish to be illiterate, reading only by mov- ing my lips and having as great difficulty and variety in spelling ‘mayonnaise’ as does my handmaiden Florence. Home fairly betimes, finding my household run- ning smoothly, with all bright and shining, but my Virgie did confide that the storage company will not let the silver trunk go without a signed order from Sam, and since that zany is still in Cooperstown, we shall probably be forced to use chopsticks at dinner tomorrow. Then finishing up a book called ‘Money of Her Own,” which did beg its theme, methought, but I was puzzled more as to how the heroine could wear such smart imported clothes on an allowance of two hundred dollars a month, even though she did have an occasional debt. September 11—This day another one of embattled humidity, my own re- sistance to it so feeble that I could not bear the weight of my pearls around my neck and my earrings did seem like anchors tugging at my lobes. Kept to the house, therefore, watching the unpacking of my trunks, and I did tell Virgie that one object without which I do never choose to leave home again is a letter-opener, even though I be going to visit the Stotesburys, the details of whose hospitality are so minute as to sound legendary. My wardrobe in fair condition, too, for which I thank God and the comely young person named Margaret who did look after it, but I must remem- ber in future that a woman who is featur- ing lace in her evening gowns should keep away from porch furniture. Then to Anne Parrish’s “All Kneeling,” so good fairness that it was more interesting to listen to her lie than to most other telling the truth. Aad how I did relish in this tale the lovers who were kind enough not to spoil one of the lady's great poseuse-ish moments, even though their feet were going to sleep or their minds really on whiskey and soda and a cheese h company for dinner, served with silver provided by } Boothby, the old rat, even though I could not invite her, but she got even with me by reminding me that I do owe her a bottle of claret and four candles. The neighbors radio below did make such a racket during the evening that we did st up a chant of our own, seeing how like Nevin’s “Narcissus” is to the Soldiers’ Chorus from “Faust,” and I have nt much hope that our research work was appreciated in the immediate environs. The Copy-Reader Writes a Joke MOTHER OF SMALL BOY DEPLORES SON'S GRAMMAR TELLS HUSBAND ABOUT IT Quotes tHE Boy as SayInc “I Atn’t Never Went Nownere” Father Mistakes Meaning; Says Son Traveled Widely New York, Sept. 30 (Exclusive)—A chance remark overheard by a mother of a small boy was repeated by her to the father. “John, it’s positively shameful the way Junior talks,” she said “T just heard him say: ‘I ain't never went nowhere.’ ” “Shameful?” raged the father. “Its worse than that! Why, the young whe has traveled twice as much as most his age!” E. B. Crosswhite. Stace: “As much privacy a4 president’s right hand.” comicbooks.com